Getting Rhett Back
by Redhot Rebel
Summary: Scarlett schemes to get Rhett back in her life. But he visits her on his own and tells her the story of how her own mother, Ellen 'O' Hara was once in love with Phillippe Robbilard. A chain of events follow in which Scarlett battles many of her inner demons and learns what love is really all about.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
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Scarlett was so withdrawn into her world of despair that she hardly paid attention to anything Wade or Ella spoke or did during their twenty-five mile journey back to Tara. Unbeknownst to her, a curious battle of emotions was raging in Wade's thin chest. He was afraid of his mother's quick temper but for the first time, a feeling stronger than fear, an oddly instinctive feeling to protect his mother during her time of grief was overcoming him. He felt the urge to act grown-up, whatever that was. He was now old enough to understand that Aunt Melly could not be with them anymore. He was going to miss Aunt Melly very much! Poor poor Beau. Without a mother!

Wade swallowed hard and put his shivering palm, mildly damp with sweat, on Scarlett's hand. This gesture stirred Scarlett from her haunted reverie. Her thoughts were too confused and woebegone to make sense. She looked at Wade as if noticing him beside her for the first time. She looked across at Ella who was quietly engaged in pulling her doll's hair into two straggly plaits. Scarlett did not shake off her son's clammy hand. She couldn't bear to. Not now. Not after she had lost everything and her spirits were so low that any kindness was unabashedly welcome. She awkwardly pressed Wade's palm and drew back her hands.

Scarlett realized that Rhett hadn't said goodbye to both children when he left the Atlanta house for good. They assumed that all her sadness stemmed from Melly's death. Scarlet's face twisted as a fresh wave of pain flooded her senses. But she would not cry. Crying never did any good. It didn't change anything. It was only an invitation for useless hugs and meaningless words of assurance. And Scarlett had no use for either... unless they were from Rhett. Oh, how she had taken his strength for granted. What a fool she had been! And Melly... dear, kind Melly.. who on several occasions had hugged her, kissed her and stayed staunchly by her side. And what had she given her in return? Scornful glances, unkind thoughts, and worst of all, she had schemed passionately to steal Ashley away from her! Why, oh why had she taken all that precious love for granted?Why did she harden her heart to rebuff any form of tenderness or kindness? And Rhett.. his departure was the worst of all since it was utterly .. utterly unexpected! It was as if the walls had fallen away. But Scarlett would not think of it now. If she thought of it, she knew that she would arrive at Tara completely broken. And no one must suspect Rhett's departure. Not Suellen nor Will. Not any of the neighbors. It would be too much of a disgrace and she knew that everyone would blame her. They always did. No, she would be very careful. She would not unburden her feelings to anyone except Mammy.

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><p>They finally arrived at Tara and Scarlett found herself hugged by her sisters and Will Benteen kissed her on the cheek. In a few minutes she was inside the large house sipping some coffee and the family gathered to recount some of their memories of Melanie and the gravity of her loss in their lives. This conversation was the last thing Scarlett needed. Her own heart was pounding away and she couldn't bear playing the role of an understanding sister. They all sounded like hypocrites to her. They didn't know Melly like she did. She wished she could get up and leave. But as she lifted an impatient glance, she caught Mammy bustling about the kitchen. Scarlett finished her coffee in one gulp and ignoring the servant beside her, she deliberately carried the cup to the kitchen.<p>

"Mammy!,"she choked, drawing up beside her sole refuge. She placed the cup on the table with trembling hands and waited for Mammy's comforting arms to embrace her.

Mammy turned to Scarlett but her eyes were devoid of any emotion or.. "or.. interest," realized Scarlett with the familiar feeling of dread chilling her bones. This was the way Rhett had looked at her during their last conversation. Surely Mammy..

Mammy wordlessly turned away. Scarlett stared after her, biting back angry tears.

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><p>Scarlett complained of a headache and stayed up in her room for most of the evening. But she couldn't sleep. Stray bits of that accursed conversation with Rhett floated into memory and muddled her. Memories of Melly's soft, heart-shaped face tormented her.<p>

Just then she heard a knock on the door. "Come in, Mammy," she cried, gratitude lighting up her face. but it wasn't Mammy. It was Wade.

He solicitously carried a plate with a large jam tart to the side table near Scarlett's bed. "Oh,darling.. Mamma's not hungry right now-," said Scarlett disguising her annoyance. "Mamma's head is aching terribly and a tart is not going to lessen the pain-"

"All right,Mother,"replied Wade, scooping the plate back into his hands and before he could leave, his large St. Bernard lumbered into the room. Scarlett put out her hand and ran her fingers lovingly through the dog's fur coat.

When Wade had left, Scarlett's thoughts followed him. She knew he was afraid of her. He always maintained a respectful distance. That annoyed her. A hint of similarity rang when she remembered her own attitude toward her Mother. She had regarded Ellen as holy Mary and was very proud of her mother's gentility. Suddenly a horrible thought struck her. What if Wade held her in such an odd respect?! She certainly wasn't even half as good as her Mother. Why she had been a regular tomboy, climbing fences, trees, playing with the black children.. she loved playing rough games and coming home with bruises. That was how she had been at Wade's age. Wade was all right if he didn't now and then look like he was about to burst into tears. Scarlett blamed this on Charles. Wade must have inherited this softness from him.

But Bonnie was different.

As Rhett had proudly noted ever so often, Bonnie wasn't afraid of anything - except the dark.

A tear slipped down Scarlett's cheek. And she had been so jealous of the love that he showered on Bonnie. Scarlett's own parents never romped around with her. Her mother never. Then a memory rose up of Beatrice Tarleton. She was a very different kind of mother and her children loved her very much. Theirs was a transparent love with no rules and ideals. Rhett had shown the same love to Bonnie and he had won his way back to respectability. Suddenly an idea struck her! Why, she would copy Rhett. What Rhett did with Bonnie, she could do with Wade. She would be so nice and sweet to him that everyone would sit up and take notice and start being nice to her! Yes, she must somehow win the affection of the matrons. And the sooner she won their affection, the sooner she will have a real chance at chasing after Rhett.

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><p>"Mamma didn't want the jam tart," mumbled Wade, glumly setting his plate on the kitchen table.<p>

"Oh is that where you took your tea?" inquired Mammy with interest. "Now Master Wade, that tart was meant for you!"

"But Mamma didn't have lunch with us. She must be hungry-"

"Honey, she'll come down for dinner and I'm cooking a fine dinner.. chicken roast and you like chicken,don't you?"

"Yes,Ma'am," replied Wade, still glumly. He was the first to sense the lapse in Scarlett's severe parenting style. She had always been too busy for him or vexed with him if he whined out loud. But now she seemed different. This encouraged Wade tremendously.

"Now you eat your tea-",said Mammy."...and don't you give none of it to that dog of yours!"

"Yes,Ma'am."


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear readers, thank you very much for your reviews. They keep me going :) Feel free to be honest because I really wanna improve my writing skills. Also if I deviate from the original characters, do tell because I want to stay true to GWTW as much as possible!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

But patching a strong, trusting relationship with Wade was not going to be as easy as Scarlett thought it would be. In fact, the more she thought of it, the more complicated it became. Rhett had carried Bonnie everywhere. Especially to his official meetings that made people sit up and take note of the tender father-daughter relationship. She had mixed feelings about dragging Wade with her on her house calls and parties.. and where else would she go,anyway? She racked her brains trying to remember what else Rhett had done. Oh yes, he had cured Bonnie's thumb-sucking. Gracious! Would she have to cure Wade of his quirks too? She hadn't even bothered to find them out in the first place! And all that training on her Shetland pony. Scarlett couldn't compete with that. Wade hated horses and that was the only reason she had got him the St. Bernard. The possibilities of a St. Bernard were generally very limited.

Still, Scarlett was determined to try her best.

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><p>So the next morning, they set off, mother and son to catch the passing coach to the Tarleton plantation. Scarlett felt she could bear the company of Randa and Camille just then. She put on her best smile and tried to appear as genial as possible. She was also determined to get Wade interested in horses.<p>

"Scarlett, honey... what a nice surprise! And Wade Hamilton too! My my, how much he has grown this summer! Well come in, my dears",cried Mrs. Tarleton, ushering them into the rambling house. From the moment he stepped in, Wade grew very nervous. The entire Tarleton family was too high-spirited for his liking. The conversation began with reminisces of his grandfather Gerald O'Hara and his love for horses. Then it shifted to memories of Uncle Brent and Uncle Stuart Tarleton. Finally it ended in horses yet again.

"I wonder if you could give Wade here a tour of your horse farm-"

No sooner than the words left Scarlett's mouth than Mrs. Tarleton grabbed Wade's arm in an excited grip and pulled him outside to the farm. She sharply barked orders to her servant about showing the boy around and walked back, happy as a peach. Wade turned mournful eyes to his mother and followed the servant meekly to the farm. He wished he was back at Tara with his train sets and books.

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><p>On their way back Wade had remained gloomy and silent. No matter how hard she coaxed, Scarlett could not get him to elicit an account of his day at the Tarleton horse farm.<p>

She was at the edge of losing her patience when the coach dangerously veered off the road. "Good God, what's happening?!", cried Scarlett, arms failing for support. The coach tilted wildly on one side and stopped abruptly.

"Wheel's broke",announced the coachman, sullenly. "You folks are gonna have to walk out and find yourselves another coach"

Scarlett got part of her money back and she and Wade began to walk down the wide road. It was a pleasant walk and the climate was warm and inviting. Scarlett tried hard not to let her thoughts wander to the several beaux with whom she had walked down this very path. Those were her happy memories. Then another happy thought struck her. Perhaps in another year or two, she could introduce Wade to a charming little girl. She stole a glance at her son and found him dragging his feet as he walked broodily beside her.

"Walk properly,Wade",she said. "Lift up your feet. That's a smart lad!"

* * *

><p>Scarlett considered that day to be a success. She took the blank expression on Wade's face to be one of seriousness instead of boredom. And Scarlett personally felt cheered up as well. Mrs. Tarleton didn't know Melly very well and didn't plague her with her own sweet memories of the deceased. She didn't seem upset when she chatted gaily about the heroics of her four sons who had died in battle. "Very brave of her",noted Scarlett, appreciatively. "Let's see, who could I visit next?"<p>

* * *

><p>After a week of frenzied house calls and days in the sun, Wade resorted to hiding in his room, hoping against hope that he would be left alone. Mammy found this to be disconcerting and she would have said so. But she renewed her code of silence, vowing that no absurdities on Scarlett's part would force her to give her opinions ever again!<p>

* * *

><p>It was only by chance that Scarlett happened upon the idea of tailoring for Rhett. She spied black broadcloth on the bottom-most shelf of her closet and was struck by the romance in the idea. Why Ashley had been so grateful for that scarf she had presented during the furlough. Rhett would love it too and she would take the exact measurements from his clothes. She sized out the cloth and found it too much for a vest or a cloak. She search frantically for any of Rhett's old things and stumbled on a discarded coat. Happily she pulled out her tape and began marking off the edges with chalk.<p>

She worked all day and all night. And throughout the project, she kept reviving the moments she had spent with Rhett. They weren't memories of his chastisements or mockery. But romantic memories of their honeymoon in New Orleans, dancing at balls - Rhett was such a graceful dancer and stories by the moonlight. Scarlett deliberately pushed the last conversation from her head. It drained her spirits so and she feared she would drop a stitch if she worried about getting Rhett back. Then she thought of Rhett's job at the bank. Why, that was indeed another reason why he won approval in the public's eye. Scarlett stopped in mid-stitch. How could she equal that? A terrible thought struck her. Oh, it was unthinkable! The Old Guard hated her for keeping that store in Atlanta and if she were to really bury the hatchet, she would have to give it up!

"I won't think about it now!", said Scarlett, firmly. She picked up her sewing with determination. "I'll think about it tomorrow!"

* * *

><p>And then it happened. Three months after she had parceled that coat to Charleston. That fine afternoon on the Tara farm. Scarlett took Wade and his dog with her on a walk and she had planned to show her son her favorite tree for climbing. This tree grew with convenient footholds and handholds. It had short stumpy branches which wound around the trunk.<p>

"Don't you want to climb it, Wade?"

"It's high,Mother. What if I fall?"

Scarlett clicked her tongue. "Oh, fiddle-dee-dee.. It's lot of fun,Wade. You just watch your Mamma. She's gonna show you how to climb this tree!"

Wade laughed suddenly as Scarlett carefully folded her skirt and slipped off her boots. She was wearing her mourning dress and the garment was just as good for climbing. Scarlett laid one foot precariously on the lowest branch.

"Mother, you'll tear your clothes"

"That's something climbers never worry about,Wade. The view at the top is all that matters. Why, this tree could bear a tree-house for all its beauty. Would you like a tree-house,Wade?"

"Oh,yes Mother!",cried Wade, beaming at last. He gazed at his mother in awe. She was climbing very well.

Then seconds later, a small scream escaped Scarlett's lips as she lost her footing and fell to the ground. She had put out a hand to cushion her fall and it was that awkward pressure on her hand that broke the bone. This was the bone that led to her fingers and its fracture sent pain shooting all over her body. Her face went white and she felt faint.

Wade cried out and ran full speed to the house. Soon Scarlett heard the thumping sounds of Will Benteen's boots as he rushed to her aid.

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><p>Scarlett bit her lips in pain as the Doctor pressed the bone to feel the extent of the breakage. "It's a small break, Mrs. Butler. A break nevertheless and a disaster since it is on your right hand. I'll give you some medication and I'll put that hand in bandage. You must never move it. Any form of exertion would slacken the healing process."<p>

Suellen fetched her dinner tray that night. Scarlett looked better now. The pain from the bandaging had lessened under the effect of drugs and she looked thankful. But she had also been thinking. "Suellen, perhaps you better write to Aunt Pitty and tell her about my fall. You know she would tell Dr. Meade and I would love to get a second opinion"

The real reason behind Scarlett's request was because three months had been too long to hear from Rhett and if Aunt Pitty knew about her fall, she would gossip to her aunts in Charleston and soon Rhett would hear about it.

Scarlett blushed and leaned back on her pillows in contentment.

* * *

><p>"Dear Madam, you may rest assured that the news of your mysterious accident has reached the sympathetic ears of my family through your Aunt Eulalie and Aunt Pauline. Your parcel arrived and though the fit is startlingly exact, the cheap taste in cloth appalls me. So, I have taken the trouble of sending the right cloth. When you have recovered from your disastrous adventure, you may set your eager little paws to work on it. It does faintly soothe my vanity to picture my devoted wife pining for my love night after night while embarking with ferocity upon her new tailoring fancy. And Madam, if you should fall headlong in your quest to salvage your tarnished reputation, should you not begin by selling your charming store in Atlanta?"<p>

Rhett.

* * *

><p>Scarlett's eyes grew wider and wider as they ran scathingly across the lines in feverish pace. Gritting her teeth, she crumpled the letter into a ball and flung it across the room. "Damn his impudence!" Her chest heaved in wrath. She had spent days lovingly crafting that suit and now she would have to spend more days making another! And not one word of sympathy for her poor broken hand! Scarlett thought she would scream. It was hard to summon tender feelings the second time especially after this infernal letter that was dripping with scorn! She thought she would feel a lot better if she could cut up that arriving cloth into shreds and parcel that to Rhett Butler! That would serve him right! That would-<p>

Scarlett froze.

"Not that wouldn't be right.",she realized, unwillingly. Rhett was merely paying her back by her own coin. Surely she must give some allowance to bitter feelings. "Oh, but why did he have to mention the store?! That ruined everything!"

Scarlett angrily tossed to one side pulling her hand in the process and let out an agonized cry. She felt very very sorry for herself. The door opened almost at once and Mammy stood framed at the doorway. She was carrying a large tray of steaming soup and some bread. But that was not what made Scarlett's heart leap with joy. It was the remorseful, apologetic expression on Mammy's face.

All was not lost, indeed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Scarlett had only to manage a heart-felt, "Mammy" and look up at her through hurting eyes and Mammy quickly rushed to her side. She set the tray down and began in a voice full of pity, "Ma, poor little lamb. Don't you know you is too old for climbing? What were you thinking, after we lost your poor father who got his neck broken, riding that horse of his and now you falling to your death and escaping with a broken hand. I should thank God Almighty for-"

"Mammy,darling", effused Scarlett, pulling the old black woman to her side and gratefully laying her head on her lap. She began to sob at once for she had missed her so. Mammy could yell at her all she wanted. Scarlett would never complain. Never in a million years! "Oh Mammy, I'm so sorry for every word I said to you. I never wanted you to leave Atlanta but you left and-"

"Hush, now. This ain't no time to bring up those memories. You is here now and I am mighty glad that you is alive after than nasty fall. Eat your supper,honey. Don't tear up like that-"

Mammy's hands gently stroked Scarlett's hair and coaxed her into a sitting position. Scarlett's sobs finally ceased and her face twisted lightly from the pain in her hand. Mammy prepared to leave but Scarlett called out adamantly. "Mammy, stay with me. Don't go yet-"

"Child, I've got my chores to do. But I'll finish em and come back up to get this tray. You be good and finish everything that's on that plate"

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><p>Mammy took a long time coming. She set the table downstairs and watched the family eat and saw to it that the children had their fill. She ordered Prissy to put the children to bed and allowed Dilcey to clear the table. After that she had several odd jobs at the kitchen, cleaning and setting things right. Pork had come back with the vessels from serving the field-hands. After making a final round of the Tara farm, Mammy climbed up the stairs, mumbling about her aching back and knocked softly on Scarlett's door.<p>

Scarlett waited bursting with news and the next half-hour she poured out her heart to Mammy.

* * *

><p>Mammy frowned sharply. "Now you know you've done wrong when you spoke plainly that Miss. Melly had advised you to be kind to Mist. Rhett!"<p>

"But that's what Melly did say-"

"Miss. Melly's words were for you to hear and not for you to say. Because there ain't no man who wants to be loved out of kindness, especially a man like Mist. Rhett . If you had only seen the way he went on with Miss. Bonnie . He was downright proud of her. He's a proud man and you hurt his pride when you say you wanna love him outta kindness-"

"Oh!" Scarlett looked shocked at this revelation. "But Mammy, I was so afraid to speak of him after everything. Mammy, I thought Melanie's words were the perfect way to –"

"And what did Mist. Rhett say?"

"I don't quite remember but after I told him that I loved him he told me to go to bed and sleep off my tiredness"

"That says a lot of what he thought about your declaration-"

"What else was I to do? I was so afraid"

Mammy smiled sadly. "Give it some time,child. Someday you won't feel afraid and all your words will be natural-"

Scarlett's eyes brimmed with tears. "But Mammy, he's left me. I've lost him. I've ruined it all-"

Mammy frowned at this. " Miss. Scarlett , I've told you and told you.. what a gentleman says and what he thinks are two different things. Now if you weren't so stubborn, you'd see that things have worked out for good. "

"For good? How?"

"Honey, go on and put yourself in Mist. Rhett's shoes. He nearly lost his mind when Miss. Bonnie died and you sure weren't any comfort to him. All those vile things you said-"

"Mammy don't!",begged Scarlett, at once. "I couldn't bear-"

"And it was only cause Miss. Melly came all the way to speak to him that he finally agreed to give up his baby's body for the funeral-"

"Melly? She..she convinced him?!" Scarlett looked shocked once again. "How did she know?"

"I called her.",said Mammy, a defiant look lighting her face. "I didn't have to tell no one else cause everyone looked like they didn't have any sense left. Mist. Rhett was growing insane by the second. Something had to be done and no good ever came outta you pointing fingers and yelling strong words-"

"What did Melly say?", pressed Scarlett, impatiently.

"I don't know. But she made Mist. Rhett's see sense. Miss. Melly's a mighty fine lady to come the way she did and all cause I called her. She had a calming presence, soothed people with her words. I never thought her own death was so near. The dear Lord took her quietly, poor soul. And honey, you've got more strength than the rest of us. More than even -"

"Oh, why does everyone keep saying that?", snapped Scarlett in irritation. She felt a sudden pang of jealously that Melly and not she had soothed Rhett at the time of Bonnie's death. If only she hadn't shut herself up in her own room and cursed Rhett for killing her precious baby! Oh, what she wouldn't give to take back those hateful words! "A woman is despised for her strength and men always fall for silly, little fools who faint in the sun like daisies-"

" Mist. Rhett fell for you. I didn't hear him complaining. You just had no time to give to him. And now that he's gone back to Charleston and I think it's a good idea that-" Mammy stopped at the surprised expression on Scarlett's face. "Well, you've come to Tara, ain't you?," accused Mammy, in a no-nonsense way. "You want to get back to your family and to your home. Did you ever stop to think,Missy that the same thing might do Mist. Rhett a world of good as well? A long rest at Charleston with his family is what he needs to get over his broken heart-"

"But he'll forget about me!"

" Miss. Scarlett, since the time you was a squealing baby, you've always got your way. And when you didn't you kicked up an awful fuss. But this is one time that won't work. Mist. Rhett's gotta come around on his own and when he does, you be good to him. Soon you'll have another baby and-"

"Oh Mammy!", blushed Scarlett, at hearing those crude words. "You shouldn't talk of such things!"

"I'm old enough to say those words,Missy and that's what is going to happen. We will have another Miss. Bonnie Blue and everything will be right as rain!"

Mammy gathered up the plate and prepared to leave.

"Mammy, I shall sleep better tonight after talking to you. I don't ever want you to leave my side again! Even if I'm not as kind and thoughtful as my Mother who always treated Father right-"

Mammy stopped midway and gave her a strange look. "Don't you ever say that, Missy. You may not be speaking the right things and doing the right things as Miss. Ellen and you got a lot to learn in regards to treating your family but you is every bit as precious to me as your sweet Mother. You've got her spirit and she knew that. Of all her three children, you resembled her the most before she married your Father-"

"I don't believe a word of that",replied Scarlett, thinking that Mammy was pulling the wool over her eyes. "Mother was nothing like me. She was an angel!"

"Whatever you say, honey.", gave in Mammy. She closed the door behind her with a goodnight. Scarlett lay back on her pillows, happy for the first time since the day she came to Tara. Mammy had given her so much hope. Yes, she must be patient. Things will turn all right in the end!.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone, thanks again for your reviews. Mammy was blunt during some instances in the original novel but yes, she wouldn't have been blunt in the way I portrayed her :P or maybe not as wise as well.. But I blame that on her age. She's older now and I use that as an excuse to further my imagination :D Keep reading and reviewing! Any opinions and comments are much appreciated! :) Thanks again...  
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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

The next few weeks dragged by in miserably slow pace. Odd bouts of rain teased the heat from the ground and the air was sultry and stifling without a breath of wind. Scarlett stared dispassionately at her bandage which was now turning brown with sweat and dirt. Her palm itched badly and she longed to give it a good scratch. She once ventured so bold as to push a slender twig under the cloth and then with a stinging surge of pain she pulled it out and decided no amount of itching was worth re-kindling the torment of her broken hand.

As she sat there on the sun kissed veranda,rocking the time away, she thought of things she had never thought of before. She found herself imagining conversations of reconciliation with Rhett. If she ever dozed off, she dreamt that she was lying by his side, her head supported by his strong arm. When the comfort in Mammy's words had worn off, Scarlett was left with the depressing truth that even Mammy knew more about Rhett than herself.

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><p>It had been nearly five months now and she received very little news from Atlanta. She thought of her store and the great gloomy house on Peachtree Street. She wondered what Rhett might be doing and silently cursed Aunt Pity for not finding out any news about him. Surely when Scarlett had taken such pains to send the news of her accident to Charleston, PittyPat might have been considerate enough to gather some gossip from Charleston in return. Her letter to Scarlett had been bland and boring, full of her usual flutterings and vapourings which everyone else found so childlike and sweet.<p>

But the following morning brought some well-earned respite in the form of a surprise visit from Ashley and Beau!

"I came here expecting to see a pale, tired girl struggling to keep her patience during her period of convalescence and what do I find? I find a girl, pink in health, bright and energetic, her soft dimpled smile intact and a warm glow in her sparking green eyes!"

Scarlett kissed Ashley on the cheek and gladly welcomed him into the house.

* * *

><p>"Beau and I can't stay very long. We must get back by tonight. Aunt Pity sends her love. Both India and Honey inquired after your health and so did Dr. Meade .'<p>

"Ashley what other news do you have for me?",asked Scarlett, hidden desperation in her voice.

Ashley smiled his gentle smile and seeing that they were quite alone in the parlour room began to relate the second reason why he had made the trip to Tara. All was not well in her Atlanta store. A week back Ashley had taken the trouble of going through the stock and he found that several wares had been stolen, periodically and systematically, bottles were half-emptied, boxes cut open at the back and their contents taken from time to time. "I expected you to be back in a month's time. This is the longest you have left your store for Tara," he ended apologetically.

"Oh", replied Scarlett, sinking back in worry. "If only I hadn't broken my hand, I would have returned to Atlanta. Can you solve this for me,Ashley? Can you appoint one of your men or better yet, close down the store and keep the key. I'll collect it when I arrive."

Ashley looked surprised at her words but didn't show it."Of course",he said quietly.

"How are you managing your mills?"

"Things are not yet settled about how the free blacks must be handled by the gentry,Scarlett. The blacks themselves are confused. Some of them demand extraordinarily high wages and yet they are so unskilled that they can only perform menial tasks. Now there is a general cry that black children should sit amongst the whites and have their equal share in education."

"Go to school,you mean?",echoed Scarlett,surprised. She thought of all the young boys and girls who had worked in Tara, fanning palmettos, driving the ducks and pigs away, bearing key pouches and running with messages to neighbors. It never occurred to her that they would want education.

"Yes. And several schools are propping up as well. And even older black men and women are joining classes to learn how to read and write-"

"What about the wages that we have to pay the blacks? Any news regarding the salary-"

"Nothing is definite. Blacks now use our modes of transportation. Don't be shocked if you see one of them seated next to you in a crowded train. Those things are normal now. Most of the Southern gentry don't quite know how to handle a black as a free man. They are not used to it. It's all painfully new to them. And all this buzz about building war memorials! There is not one square where they haven't set up some statue or monument dedicated to the men in the army-"

Ashley was interrupted as Wade, Ella, Susie and Beau rushed into the room.

"Mother, did you ask Uncle Ashley for the tree house?",demanded Wade.

"Tree-house?",echoed Ashley with an amused smile in his grey eyes.

"Yes, I promised him one',replied Scarlett,dimples appearing on her cheeks. "Ashley, whenever you are free, you could ask one or two of your men to bring down some lumber for us. I could get our own men to make the tree-house for Wade and Ella"

"And a swing!", exclaimed Ella, excitedly. As long as Wade was making his requests, she might make them too.

"And a swing",included Scarlett. "Now, as promised, I've told Uncle Ashley. So run out and play now. Take your paper boats with you and dam up the stream-" Scarlett shot a wistful look at Ashley. "Beau reminds me so much of Melly. He must miss her so!"

"Yes he does. But he doesn't show it now."

"And you must think of her often-"

"I remember her now as she was in her best. Melanie as a new bride, gracing Twelve Oaks with her quiet presence. The hours we spent after that reading books to each other, taking walks along the gardens, I had even once planned to take her to Europe-"

"Why didn't you?",snapped Scarlett. "You should have enjoyed every moment with her. She deserved it all! Instead you had to fight in that silly war. No one talks so grandly about it now. There is not one home where someone hadn't been killed-"

"Oh yes, well.. Scarlett, I've given this some thought. Our Church is opening up a public school now for black and white children and I have nearly decided to be one of the members of the board." He rushed on sensing the surprise on Scarlett's face. "I rather like the idea. You see, there are so many shoddy schools rising up just for the blacks and I wondered, why not a real school with real books and music-"

"For the blacks?"

"I admit, it's a wild shot but the Church is doing it and they've approached me for aid. And well,they approached Captain Butler as well-"

Without her realizing it, Scarlett's chest heaved with sudden emotion. She felt like she had run a huge race. "They approached Captain Butler! Goodness! Where was Rhett? Was he in Atlanta?!" Ashley's next few words answered her burning questions.

"They mailed him a letter with the budget details and of their hopes in securing a significant contribution-"

Suddenly in a flush of common sense shooting up from within her, she began to speak, "Fiddle-dee-dee! Why mail a letter to Charleston when I could donate the money-"

"Would you?",echoed Ashley, surprise and pleasure bringing light to his eyes.

But Scarlett was already busy calculating the costs in her mind. She would have to make a large donation to win her way back to the Southern Society. Then she would be on the board as well and she could use that as an excuse to make house calls in Atlanta. It might put her in favor of the Church as well. Then she remembered, "How do Mrs. Merriweather, Mrs. Elsing and Mrs. Whitling feel about all this?"

"Naturally they were reluctant at first. The whole idea is so new yet extremely charitable. But in the end, the Church is quite determined to be as unworldly as possible in this first attempt to bring black education to the South. They have even gone so far as to appoint black teachers from the North!"

"Black teachers!",echoed Scarlett. "God's nightgown, will wonders never cease!" She gathered herself. "Ashley, I'll return to Atlanta in a few weeks. Together we shall go over the accounts at the store. If I am not making any profit, I'd rather close it down and sell the place. The money can go as my contribution for the new school under the name of Mrs. Scarlett Butler!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Everyone at Atlanta were startled by the dogged pace in which Scarlett set about clearing out her merchandise and selling out her store.

"My dear, did you know that Scarlett O Hara is finally calling the curtains on that shop of hers?"

"Goodness, whatever is she up to?"

"Perhaps they are leaving abroad!"

"Who?"

"The Butlers, of course!. Captain Butler hasn't been around Atlanta for a long time. I suspected the worst. After the death of his poor child –"

"And Miss. Melanie-"

"So you too suspected-"

"Well, my dear, Scarlett was always a sly vixen where her beaus are concerned. I would put her up to anything. Remember the dress she wore to the Wilkeses reception? It was the most shocking red piece with such a low cut over the bosom"

"Little temptress. Well perhaps this trip abroad will do them a lot of good. It will do us all a lot of good!"

If Scarlett had heard this conversation, she would have been severely distressed. But thankfully she was too much occupied with matters regarding the sale of her store. She carried the check to the bank and immediately called on Ashley to accompany her to meet the Parish priest. As they journeyed down the road, Ashley thought he'd never seen Scarlett so quiet in all the years he'd known her. He said so as well.

"No I'm all right.", smiled Scarlett vaguely.

"I know that selling your store must be a disconcerting thing for you-"

"A what?"

"It must disturb you-"

"Oh no," said Scarlett, at once. "I want to sell that.. that.." She remembered Rhett's sarcastic words. "-that white elephant!"

Ashley looked at her and seeing the look in her eyes, he laughed softly.

They arrived at the Church yard.

* * *

><p>Scarlett had dressed especially well that afternoon for her rendezvous with the priest. She wore a subdued matronly dress in the most becoming shade of red and brown and carried a tiny red parasol trimmed with dainty lace. Her cheeks were perfectly pink with rouge and her injured hand was hidden under soft satin gloves. She looked lovely and ready to charm anyone possible. She would be the most charming benefactor of the Catholic Church.<p>

But things did not go as she expected.

"This is indeed a most generous sum which you have donated,Mrs. Butler. But I'm afraid you cannot be a member of the board in charge of the administration of the public school. No lady has ever-" The priest hesitated and looked at Ashley Wilkes for support. "However if Mr. Butler is interested, we might consider-"

Scarlett's mouth fell open and her eyes were flashing green. Ashley hastily stepped in and spoke for her. "He doesn't attend the Catholic Church. Of course, we do understand. I shall be a member of the board and Mrs. Butler is just as pleased, isn't that right Scarlett?"

"Yes, yes of course", managed Scarlett,deflated. She glared at the priest and wordlessly walked out of the little clergy room.

"Cheer up,Scarlett",said Ashley, trying to humor the pout off her face. "It's all my fault for not telling you this before. But how was I to know that you wanted to be a member of the board?"

"Oh Fiddle-dee-dee!," snapped Scarlett, at last. "All this business about what a lady can do and what she can't do- A lady can donate but she cannot participate!"

"It would bore you to no end,Scarlett"

Scarlett glanced at Ashley suspiciously. Was he demeaning her intelligence again in his soft, gentlemanly undertones? If so, she would put him right. Reminiscences over the past had made her wary of Ashley's sublime barbs. She had been blind to them before on account of his blond hair and drowsy grey eyes. But not anymore! Now she had eyes only for Rhett and she was going to do everything possible to get him back!

"You could get all the news you want out of Mrs. Merriweather."

"Is she on the board?"

"No. But I believe her bakery would supply the school with tea and the boarding house with bread and pastries and things. They are forming a fine contract-"

Scarlett's face fell in dismay. The bakery! She could have invested her money there and become fast friends with old lady Merriweather. Oh, damn everything! Just when she thought she's get back into the good graces of the Old Guard.

* * *

><p>After they had left, the priest asked for a sheet of paper and solicitously wrote a formal note of thanks to Captain Butler for his generous donation towards the public school project. He was an old-fashioned gentleman who believed that the head of the family must always be honored for the noble actions of its members. He expressed warm wishes to the welfare of the Butler family and ended the letter with all the little compliments that one pays to rich benefactors to continue remaining in their good grace. The letter found its way to Charleston after changing hands with several of Rhett's contacts in Atlanta. His mail always arrived where he was. It was vital since he traveled so much around the world.<p>

A faint gleam appeared in Rhett's eyes as he scanned the cordial mail. "Well, well..", he said softly. He cast his eyes on the parcel of clothes that arrived a week ago. He hadn't tried them on but he was vaguely impressed that Scarlett should tailor his clothes again. "Well, I did promise her to visit often and such interesting turn of events beg for a quick visit to Atlanta and back!" He set off a few days later. This business of Scarlett donating money.. doing her "civic" duty was too curious to be ignored. And Rhett was always a curious man.

* * *

><p>Scarlett couldn't bring herself to stay at her home in Peachtree Street. She still had vivid memories of Rhett as he walked down those red-carpeted stairs and disappeared into the mist. So instead, she carried her modest bags to the Atlanta hotel. She had packed for a week but now she wasn't so sure. She was too tired to think. She was crestfallen. All her well-laid plans were turning foul. Once she settled into her room, her maid ran her a long hot bath. Dressed in a simple dress of apple green with bonnet to match, Scarlett stepped outside to make a late call at Mrs. Merriweather's home. Perhaps a call at this late an hour would induce some affection out of the old cat. She did so want a sympathetic ear and she was a veteran of the war as well. Why, she should have no trouble talking her head off for an hour or two atleast! As she stepped into the lobby, the front door opened and who but Rhett Butler should stroll inside! He was dressed in the latest fashion, down to his varnished boots and the greys at the sides of his hair complimented his swarthy brown face.<p>

"Rhett!", cried Scarlett as if her eyes fell upon an angel. She felt faint all of a sudden. She had dreamt of seeing Rhett for so many months and now the sight of him made her dizzy. The strain had been too much and she had longed so fervently for his comforting arms.

Rhett carelessly strode up to her. There was no betrayal of emotion on his face. No hints of missing her, her lovely dimples which he had been so fond of seeing. "So, this is where you've been staying-",he drawled in his slow, Charlestonian way. He reached for her hand and lifted it to his lips. She winced lightly for the broken bone still hurt and immediately tried to hide it. A kiss was worth putting up with some amount of pain, she told herself. But Rhett didn't miss a thing. "Is this hand the one you broke?"

Scarlett nodded wordlessly. Rhett gently set it down, a bland look on his face but kindness in his eyes. He led her to a solitary dining table by some shades where they could have a little privacy. He sat her down and settled on the seat opposite to her. Now he took her hand again and gently removed her glove. He ran his fingers on the bones and felt the spot where the fracture was healing. Scarlett winced lightly again but said nothing. She was eagerly looking at his eyes. Oh for a sign of love? What she wouldn't do for him! She would fall at his feet and beg him to come back to her. But words failed her. She sat there, in child-like diffidence, basking in the comfort of being near Rhett again.

"What will you have?",he asked, casually.

"I'm not hungry"

"Come now, you must have something. I was sure you were going to swoon when you first laid eyes on my dashing form"

"All right then I'll have coffee. I couldn't manage anything else",replied Scarlett, looking down lightly to hide the emotion on her face.

Rhett looked at her curiously and ordered two coffees from the obliging waiter. "I haven't had a bite to eat since this afternoon when I left for Atlanta. I went to our charming home and found it devoid of its equally charming hostess. Then a kind, inquisitive soul told me that you were here at the Atlanta hotel. You've made a bad choice, my dear. I've told you many times before that the food is terrible here. Just how long were you planning on staying here?"

"About a week"

"A week!" Rhett frowned , a teasing look in his dark eyes. "Don't you think you are being a little too confident? A week to assure the Southern gentry that you mean no harm. That you've put your old ways behind you and have turned a new leaf?!"

Scarlett looked up startled.

"Oh yes, I know all about that donation you made. The letter from your Church left me speechless. Why they couldn't have been referring to my own scheming, unscrupulous, hot-headed Scarlett?!"

"Don't be silly", replied Scarlett, her anger stirring. "Why shouldn't I make a donation? You had done-" She stopped and bit her tongue. Rhett smiled lazily from across the table. "Oh Rhett, so what if I was trying to win my way back to the society?" she admitted sullenly. "I miss everything so much. I even miss talking to the old cats-"

"Look at me, Scarlett"

Scarlett looked up and as she did, she tried her best not to let her eyes flutter. She must avoid coquetry at all costs. She knew Rhett distrusted her charms completely.

Rhett studied her face as he pulled out a cigar. He lit it and smoked as they coffees arrived. "Do you harbor no remorse about selling your precious store?"

"No",replied Scarlett,simply.

"I see,"said Rhett softly. He still held her gaze with his own inscrutable eyes.

"Rhett how long do you plan on being here? There's going to be a bazaar in another day or two and we could go there together-" Scarlett looked imploringly at her husband. "Oh please,Rhett. I've been so lonely without you-"

"You've had Ashley Wilkes to keep you company," said Rhett with sudden scorn in his tone.

"You know I don't care for him"

"You could never care for anyone. Don't you think I know that?"

"I want to care for you"

Rhett remained quiet. He leaned back in his chair and smoked as if her tender words fell on deaf ears.

"Oh, why won't you let me care for you,darling?",pressed Scarlett, finding her voice. Her hands trembled around the cup of coffee that sat untouched by her side. "I could make you so happy. I..I'll go upstairs and pack my bags and we'll leave for our house tonight. We've got the whole day to ourselves tomorrow and the next day, we can go to that bazaar. Come on,honey,you've got to agree to that. You've got to!"

Rhett looked impassive but Scarlett could tell that the tenderness in her voice was having some effect. He was so proud and impenetrable. But underneath all that Scarlett felt sure that he must still love her. He wouldn't have come all this way if he didn't.

"Shall I pack my bags,Rhett?",asked Scarlett, once again.

He finally acquiesced and said he would wait for her at the lobby.

With a flush of relief, Scarlett pulled the glove back on her hand and speedily made her way up the stairs. Her knees trembled and threatened to give way. But she held on to the rails and egged herself on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The streets were dark when Scarlett climbed into the carriage beside Rhett. She was grateful to him. Grateful that he was finally coming home with her. And as she sat there, she couldn't think of a word to say. He did not speak either. He just sat there and smoked. But Scarlett was happy. She would endure anything, even silence, if only to have Rhett with her again. The minutes ticked by, Scarlett began to feel a little hungry and wondered if her decision to forgo supper had been wise. They reached Peachtree street and the carriage drew up to a halt.

Rhett stepped out and helped Scarlett down. Her heels crunched noisily on the loose gravel and she seemed surprised. The sound seemed to thunder down the quiet streets. She stared ahead, feeling strangely sensitive to the eeriness of her mansion. There were no lights anywhere. She had appointed a servant or two to come every week and air the rooms. Her eyes fell on the lawns that looked unkempt in their five-months of neglect. For a moment, she forgot that Rhett was beside her. She stirred from her thoughts when she heard him mutter something intense and intelligible under his breath. She turned to Rhett and saw his eyes transfixed on the house. She followed his line of sight and suddenly she saw the house for what it really was. An ugly, overdressed vamp of a house, designed with such wasteful flamboyancy that it had begun to parody itself! She turned to Rhett once again, alarm in her eyes for she knew he must be feeling the same.

"This house is a tombstone of bad memories." he quipped, his even voice turning her heart to ice. Scarlett's lips began to tremble. She had been right in her suspicions. He _was_ cursing himself for returning to the very place he had grown so tired of.

"It was a mistake to come here" Rhett started to climb back into the carriage but Scarlett put out a desperate hand and clung onto his arm.

"No Rhett,please-" she cried, her chest heaving as if she had run a mile. "Let's not go inside if it hurts you so. We can sit at the summerhouse, bags and all!"

* * *

><p>And that is what they did.<p>

Scarlett stumbled uncertainly down the overgrown path that had once been an ornamental trail to her iron summerhouse. It looked hideous now, so dark and forbidding. She sat down upon the seat and peered anxiously in the dark for Rhett. She let out a breath of relief when she finally spied his huge form tracing the path through the lawns. Relieved that he hadn't slipped away, she now had the strength to dig into her bags and pull out her white woolen shawl. She draped it over her shoulders and tried to keep from shaking.

"I fear my trip away from you has dimmed your spirit and reduced you to a simpering love-struck fool," drawled Rhett, amused. "I don't like it, Scarlett. I liked you better when you didn't have a conscience. It made you so much more real than the shell I am seeing now- "

Scarlett drew back, stung by the scorn in his voice. He sat down beside her and she could trace none of the vitality she had sensed so often before. Somehow he had changed. He was more distant and so disinterested. Swallowing her pride, she inquired, as politely as she could, "How is everyone in Charleston?" She heard his soft laughter and piqued even more. "Everybody is fine. My mother was quite worried when she received news from your aunts that you had a fall. How did you manage it,anyway?"

"I was showing Wade how to climb a tree"

"Scarlett! You've been thinking and repenting for your exceptionally insensitive child rearing abilities! I'm surprised!"

"Oh, I wish you weren't so mocking! I got sick of Wade, always walking on pins and needles whenever I was around! I want him to be tough and not wimpy like Charles had been!"

"And so you taught him how to climb a tree"

"It seemed like such a good idea at the time-"

Scarlett sighed and reflected. "During all those days of the siege in Atlanta, Wade would cling to my skirts and whine and cry for the smallest things. And I wished on several occasions to spank him and tell him to play outside. I did too. He was so afraid and I thought he would grow out of it. But he hasn't and he is still afraid of so many things. I never took interest before. When he was born, I thought my life was over. I was so glad to shove the burden of raising him on Melanie and go to parties and bazaars and things."

"And what had made you see the error of your ways,my pet?"

Scarlett thought she had spoken those last few lines very well. She had sounded humble and simple. Like any remorseful woman should. And yet, Rhett remained unmoved. She wished that she could rise to her defense as vehemently as Melanie did whenever anyone questioned her loyalties to her family. She wished she could boldly command Rhett to wipe off that nasty smirk on his face. The cruel twist of his mouth, down on one side, and his eyes glittering with mockery. But she couldn't reply to the question. Her motives had been to get Rhett back. Nothing more. She still hadn't grown fond of Wade.

"As much as you have tried to convince yourself that you have grown a gentle heart, you haven't changed, Scarlett. And you never will-"

"Oh, don't say that!",cried Scarlett, finding her voice now. She searched for words.. her own words..not something she's read out of a poem or overheard in an lover's spat. "Perhaps..perhaps I do not know what it is to love a person. Perhaps you have found a kinder, good-natured person in..in.. someone like Belle.." Scarlett spat out the word. Her voice shook and she did not know why. Then she raised her head in proud defiance. Her jaw tightened and her chin jutted out. "But you..you cannot open my eyes to the miserable wretch I've been and then leave,Rhett. Because if I am changing, it's.. it's.. because of you!"

For the first time in her life, Scarlett's words rang with the truth. There was a pause.. a pause that seemed torturous to Scarlett. She knew Rhett was staring at her. She knew he heard her breath as it came out in heaving gasps. If he put out his hand and touched her brow, he would have felt the beads of sweat that had formed so plentifully on her skin. If he had sidled his fingers under her chin, he would have detected a faint fever. But he didn't do any of those things. Scarlett pulled the shawl tightly about her shoulders. She waited for Rhett's words. She waited and the fever began to rise within her.

Rhett sat very still, judging Scarlett's final claim for his love. She had finally spoken a truth and that itself stunned him into seriousness. If she was changing, then Rhett was indeed the reason. He finally put out an arm and pulled her to his side. She retired thankfully into his arms. When he spoke again, his voice had lost its sardonic touch. It was much softer now and kind as well.

"I admit I was curious when I read that letter from your Church. But I had other reasons for visiting you, Scarlett. The sequence of events that happened - perhaps, there is a God above us for some coincidences are too puzzling to be explained by a rational mind. I thought I had known everything there is to know about you. And then I heard about your blackguard Uncle - the rogue in the Robillard family-"

"Rogue? Who do you mean?",asked Scarlett, wiping her eyes and pulling away from him.

"I heard it quite by accident. Your aunts inadvertently revealed a few delicate family details during my last visit to their homes. They dropped a hint and I being the curious one, inquired around in equal delicacy and found the truth."

"I wish you wouldn't speak in riddles"

"All right I will speak plainly. You once told me your Mother had cried out the name "Phillippe" just before she breathed her last?"

"Yes,but-"

"Phillippe Robillard was once her lover,Scarlett. She loved him and he was hated by the family for his wild ways. Your aunts were responsible for driving him away from her-"

Scarlett looked stunned. Her throat grew parched and she turned her burning eyes on him. "Nonsense. I've never heard of this fantastic tale. Not even from Mammy. My Mother was completely devoted to Tara and to my father. Why..why she practically ran the plantation. She was always so busy instructing the field-hands, assigning work to them, managing the sick and mending their clothes. She was devoted to my father and so gentle - Father called her gentle and he went mad when she died-"

"Your Mother was quite different before she married Mr. O Hara, Scarlett. When Phillippe Robillard died in a brawl, she wanted to escape from her family for she blamed them for his untimely death. And Mr. O Hara was just the man to make her forget her past and start anew."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Scarlett stared at Rhett for a long long time. She did not feel the faintest inclination to give serious consideration his words. He was talking about her Mother! Whatever could he know about her? She remembered peeping through the crack of her door, watching her Mother gently tip-toe past the rooms to avoid Mr. O Hara from waking up to mundane household woes - even if it was the middle of the night! Her Mother's soft admonishing words which always made her burst into guilty tears. No one could kindle Scarlett's conscience like her Mother. And her prayers for the family - how long and how pious. God listened to her Mother and Scarlett was proud of it. She was proud of her Mother! Rhett had no right to say these scandalous things about Ellen O Hara!. And if this story was true, then Mammy must have known about it. And Mammy never dropped a hint.

"I see you don't believe my words", said Rhett, studying the changing emotions on her face. "I don't blame you. If I had met your Mother once..even once, I'd have understood for myself what her character was. I'm a good judge of character- But everything I heard about her was from you. According to you, she was nothing short of an angel! Yet, this angelic nature of hers might have done the greatest damage to your upbringing-"

"How dare you!",broke out Scarlett, in fury. "How dare you speak of my Mother that way. She raised me fine - good and proper like the lady that she was-"

"You weren't much of a lady when I met you- And you broke all your Mother's gentle instructions one by one until you cut yourself from the Southern gentry,didn't you dear?"

Scarlett's cheeks reddened. "I..I was going to become a lady after I'd grown older-"

"Aah", said Rhett, understandingly. "A fine grey-haired lady"

Scarlett glowered silently.

"No Scarlett, your Mother married your Father to forget her heartbreak and to punish her family for destroying the love of her life. And when she came to Tara, she threw herself into work. An admirable woman, no doubt and I know for certain that Mr. O Hara thought the world of her. But how well did she really understand him?"

"Mother understood Pa very well",defended Scarlett, angrily. "She.. she never disturbed him. She never argued with him.. not before us,anyway. She.. she was always worried that Pa would break his neck while riding-"

"Yes but have you ever seen her in your Father's arms, singing a song by the piano, swaying to gentle music, walking hand in hand with him on some moonlit night along the plantation road or even shared a horseback ride with him as he roamed the County?"

Scarlett looked bemused. It had never entered her limited imagination that her Mother was even capable of these things. She always looked so elegant in her simple, matronly dresses, her hair always in place and her hands always busy with knitting or mending. Why, Mother couldn't possibly have had interest in all those other frivolities. "Perhaps she did those things before I was born?", she wondered, doubting her words even as she spoke them.  
>Rhett looked at her unconvinced. "Well, I used to cover things up for Pa. Whenever he was really drunk he would ride over the County on his horse and jump the highest fences and I always covered up for him. We had a deal, Father and I. We both respected Mother's gentle nature and we hid things from her which would hurt her, you see-"<p>

Rhett listened without saying a word for a long time. Then suddenly he stood up. He took Scarlett's hand and pulled her across the lawns.

"Where are you going?",asked Scarlett, pulling her shawl closer to her body. The fever had subsided now but she still felt weak. Rhett didn't reply to her question. Instead, he led her past the tall overgrown hedges and past the little pond and they came to the flat patch of ground where Rhett used to teach Bonnie how to ride her Shetland pony.

"You see those line of trees at the far end of the grassy mound? Bonnie and I used to start there.",said Rhett, a queer tone in his voice. "I'd set her up on her saddle- She didn't ride side-saddle first- and I'd teach her how to hold the reins. She'd always beg me to give her pony a carrot just before started riding. I'd laugh and tell, 'Bonnie, if you feed him now, he'd get too lazy to go real fast'. But she used to beg again and I'd always give in. And after we fed her pony carrots and sugar cubes, we'd start our practice. Oh, you should have seen her, Scarlett. She was born to ride horses. And she wasn't afraid of anything!"

Scarlett first wondered why Rhett was stirring up these painful memories. But as he spoke the words, the picture of Bonnie, riding down the garden stretch, came alive. She could hear her daughter's laughter and the thudding hoof-prints of her pony.

She remembered her own riding days with Mr. O Hara.

"Pa was fond of me.",said Scarlett, quietly. "He..he loved me more than Suellen and Careen and he and I.. well, we understood each other. But even Pa wasn't with me the way you were with Bonnie. He never fussed over me. One little tear and he'd harrumph like a horse and look so uncomfortable. He'd never never take me in his arms and comfort me if I was crying. He left that up to Mammy. And you know Mammy-" Scarlett gave a lopsided smile. "Mammy would know half the time that I was only fussing. She'd chide me and give me cookies to eat and my tears would disappear. I never got to thinking why I cried in the first place. Nobody gave much importance to it and neither did I- Oh, but you gave so much importance,Rhett! Bonnie just had to wail to get you scrambling to her room as if the house was on fire! And all I could think of was that you were humoring her. Truth is, I was jealous-"

At this, Rhett turned to her in faint surprise. Scarlett continued a little ashamed. "I was jealous of all that attention you showed on Bonnie. And she always liked you better than me. You were so triumphant that I hated you. You were taking Bonnie away from me. I could only give her presents and laugh at her silliness. You.. you treated her like a little lady..you listened to her- I mean, really listened."

"Did your Mother listen to you?"

"No",said Scarlett, with soft realization. "She didn't know me at all" Suddenly she shivered as the night breeze ruffled her hair. She lifted her eyes and said, "Look! Even now, you can see Bonnie skipping lightly through the grass wearing that blue velvet frock.. looking so fine and precious.. And I never enjoyed those sunny days when you both played in the gardens. I was always buried in some foolish game of whist with all those women who became strangers once my baby died. Not one of them came to comfort me. Not one! And I missed it all. I missed watching her grow up. Even if it was only for five measly years-"

Scarlett voice broke off. She was overcome with emotion and she stared helplessly at Rhett. He looked back at her, and there was such emotion in his hard, strained face as well. "Bonnie loved you, Scarlett. You weren't such a bad mother-"

"Oh, but I was-", cried Scarlett, sobbing hard and the tears running unchecked down her cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8  
><strong>

"The news of your Mother and Phillippe Robillard was the reason I decided to visit you once again. I always wondered why you were so bull-headed and insensitive. You never give serious thought to your words before you spoke them,Scarlett. And you never saw yourself for who you really were. I tried everything. Everything, to get you to love me with your mind. You mind was more precious to me than your charms. Your hard, unscrupulous mind. If you loved me, you wouldn't flatter me with flowery words and keep a reverent fear of my questionable activities. I felt I could change for you, if you only asked me to. You were worth it. " Scarlett tried to interrupt but Rhett raised his hand to silence her. "It was only as last resort that I tried to appeal to your natural impulses. I made love to you in a way that I was sure I'd wipe out Ashley from your memories. "

Scarlett's mind went back to that wild night right after the nightmare reception at the Wilkes residence. The gruesome shadows thrown by the candle, the heat of the rooms and her slippers clacking noisily on the floor. She recalled Rhett's hands roughly caressing her face and finally crushing her temples. She remembered her fear! He had run after her and scooped her up in his arms as if she were a feather pillow. She remembered the pounding of his heart and the violent shaking of his arms as they bound her in a death-like grip.

Scarlett blushed hard and appeared startled at the vividness of her memories.

"It wasn't disgusting, was it?",asked Rhett, curiously. She hesitated to reply and he laughed softly.

"Stop laughing",said Scarlett, irritated.

"Your mental struggles are too enjoyable, darling. You are frank about everybody else but yourself. Why don't you admit that you enjoyed every moment of it?"

"No lady would admit it", thought Scarlett, still clinging to her ideals of how a lady ought to be.

Rhett took a step forward and Scarlett instinctively stepped back. He looked taller and stronger than minutes ago. The moon had gone behind the clouds and the gardens were dark and silent. Scarlett could only make out Rhett's powerful silhouette coming towards her. She gasped when his arm hooked about her waist and pulled her roughly against his chest. The shawl slipped off her shoulders and fell away. His breath was hot upon her face yet she shivered in fear. His lips hovered over hers for just a moment and she was sure he was going to kiss her. But he didn't. Instead he leaned her back and traced his lips along her throat, all the while keeping a iron grip on her shoulders and arms. She couldn't move and he forced all her senses to concentrate on the fantastic sensations that his lips were evoking.

"Rhett, please-" Scarlett's face twisted as a frightening waves of pleasure surged through her nerves.

"Why don't you admit it?", coaxed Rhett softly as his lips reached the base of her neck and he drew up quickly and pressed his lips to hers. She shuddered, her fingers tightening around his arms. The mustache tickled as his determined lips fought to squeeze every pleasure out of the kiss. Even if she turned her head, his lips found hers in fierce determination. She had no choice but to surrender! But just when she did, he pulled away.

Her face was flushed and her chest heaved visibly. "Wasn't that enjoyable?"

Scarlett pushed weakly at his arms, struggling to get free. "Turn me loose",she managed, her head giddy with the raptures of forbidden pleasures. But try as she could, she couldn't budge. Not even an inch. Rhett suavely undid the top button of her basque.

"Rhett, don't-",cried Scarlett, frustrated as her senses began to mount again. Her mind fought over every physical impulse and lost repeatedly. The button was opened now and he leisurely placed a warm and long kiss on the soft flesh exactly where the button had been. He listened with delight to the frenzied hammering of her heart. Scarlett averted her eyes from his gaze and a new thought entered her head.

"Rhett, you once said-", she began, with a strained effort to sound normal. "-you once said that Belle was good-natured and kind"

"Yes?"

"But..but, its so contrary..", Scarlett breathed hard, her heart still racing as if it meant to tear out of her chest and escape. "She.. " Scarlett hesitated wondering how much of her knowledge she should reveal and still remain a proper lady. "..gets..all these things from any man, doesn't she? Then how could you say that she was a good per-" Scarlett jumped hard when she heard Rhett's laughter. "Why are you laughing?!", she demanded in vibrant anger. "I haven't said anything funny!"

"Scarlett, you are such a child", said Rhett, still laughing. Much to her exasperation, he ignored her question and undid another button. This time there was a hint of maliciousness in his eyes. Ignoring her feeble protests ,he eased open the basque up to the two loosened buttons and exposed her shoulders and the curving outline of her breasts. "I'm afraid I don't quite get your meaning, my pet. Exactly what does the phrase "all these things" mean?" Scarlett thought this was the last straw! She wriggled and pushed for all she was worth. Scarlett had dreamed of Rhett's arms for many months since their separation but not like this! Why, he was laughing at her! The conceited hound! She couldn't stand it!

"Stop struggling,darling," Rhett sounded hurt and remorseful. "I see my kisses no longer have the intended effect on you. You expect me to treat your question with respect and I have committed the unforgivable crime of laughing in your face. Forgive my insolence, Scarlett. I won't tease you anymore." Rhett's eyes regretfully eyed her exposed white flesh and forced themselves to grow serious. "You think that physical pleasures are something that only women like Belle Wattling admit openly that they enjoy it, don't you? Well, she is a woman and so are you. Women are meant to love every pleasure given to them by men. Your Southern ladies restrain themselves because of their genteelness and foolishly forgo these genuine pleasures in life!"

"Well then we should all go to whore houses and enjoy ourselves like you do!" sneered Scarlett, her lips curling in vehement sarcasm.

"I didn't say that,Scarlett. If you recall, I have never once stated that what Belle Wattling is doing is right. I only claimed that she was a smart woman- a business woman through and through and a good investment for my money. That is all."

"But-" Scarlett looked puzzled now. Rhett loosened his grip and she drew a step back, her basque still half-way open but she did not care. "I don't understand-"

"Most of the women at the whore-house are bound by their own insecurities in earning a respectable living and harbor pitifully confusing morals. They see the men who come there as depraved creatures who aren't respected enough in society and they give them that respect. They entertain them and satisfy their needs. But even then, there are a few men who treat these women like trash after they've used them. That's the risk they take in this profession. And it's all for the money. That is why I feel sorry for them-"

"S..sorry for them?",gaped Scarlett, in shock. "You feel sorry for Belle?"

"Oh yes. She's a good woman but she's stuck in the hole that society has put her in. She can never come out. I call her good-natured because for all the days I went there, she's always told me I'd belonged in a better place and that I shouldn't be at the whore-house. She saw more good in me than anybody else and didn't hesitate to say so."

Scarlett's mouth grew dry. She gazed at Rhett's face and she knew he wasn't lying. "I didn't know this before-"

"You've never asked me.", replied Rhett. "Why don't you ask me these things instead of guessing them on your own,Scarlett? I've always told you to. "

Scarlett cast her mind back to the several occasions when Melanie had met Belle Wattling. "Melly respected Belle as a person," whispered Scarlett, remembering. "She was kind to her."

"Oh yes", agreed Rhett. "I've told you that Miss. Melly was a great lady for her age. You never agreed. The kind of lady you have in mind,my pet, is a cheap imitation of the real thing. Riches, beauty and airs don't make a lady! A real lady would treat people right and not just by society's standards. A real lady thinks for herself. Miss. Melly was more frightened and scared than you but she put down those fears at the right moments to treat people right. But even then, you Scarlett have within you the qualities needed to exceed even Miss. Melly's. You have ambition and a streak of shrewdness that makes you survive and lead on. All you need is good character to take you even far."

Rhett regarded her with some amusement now. His mouth dropped in one corner and he waited as she meditated on all his words.

"But it's all so mixed up." mumbled Scarlett, uncertainly. "If I thought like you, I'd be different from everybody else"

"My dear, you already are different. I'm not saying you have to help these women. I'm not saying you even have to talk to Belle if you ever run into her. All I'm asking is for you to take the best out of life.. especially carnal pleasures with your husband.. and not be wrapped up in imitation gentry. You are fortunate to have married me, Scarlett. I know just how to love you, if only you'd let me."

Scarlett smiled to herself. "That night when you made love to me, I waited for you for two days. I..I loved you and I thought you must be desperately in love with me. And then you came all nonchalant.. as if you didn't care and at that dreadful instant I thought that you'd used me.. just like those men at the whore-houses"

"That indeed shows how little you've understood me", replied Rhett, grimly. "But no matter, as you said, you are changing into a more sensible person and hopefully you will admit that you now enjoy "all these things"?"

Scarlett inched closer to Rhett. "It is fun, isn't it?" He pressed doggedly. Scarlett gazed long and hard at him and then allowed wicked twinkle to slip into her cat-like eyes. The effect was not lost on Rhett for his arms were around her again. His eyes roved over the exposed flesh underneath her half-open basque. But instead of continuing his kisses, he pretended to be shocked by her "nakedness" and solicitously buttoned her up again. Scarlett laughed out loud at his put-on manners. "That's better",he approved and leaned in for a long tender kiss.

Her arms were around his neck and she closed her eyes, for the first time at peace.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Scarlett sat in Aunt Pitty's parlour room sipping a cup of hot coffee while the servants rustled about getting the bags upstairs and preparing the rooms. She wasn't the least bit tired but she would have liked to lie down on her bed and gather her thoughts. There were so many things to think about and she desperately needed some time alone. Instead she was forced to listen to Aunt Pitty's fluttery prattle about her shock upon receiving them at so early an hour, whether there had been any bad news, her nervousness and need for smelling salts- Scarlett clicked her tongue in impatience when Pitty's head was turned. Meanwhile, Rhett had gone upstairs to get ready to go to the bank.

Scarlett felt mildly rejuvenated as she drank her coffee. It was almost humorous how the night at their Atlanta house had ended. The patrolman had seen intruders on the Butler property and had advanced upon them with a shotgun! Scarlett marveled at how Rhett had spotted the man in the darkness and hailed at once that he was indeed Captain. Rhett Butler and the lady beside him was Scarlett Butler. The man had apologized several times and under Rhett's instructions, he went to fetch the buggy. They loaded their bags and Scarlett looked up at the sky. Why, the sun had crept up into the sky during the time they had waited for their ride! She thought at first that they were going back to the hotel but Rhett firmly led the horse down the road to Aunt Pitty's.

Scarlett was happy. So very happy and a little scared. She was happy because Rhett had come back to her and scared that she should say or do anything that would make him leave her again. "How thin and delicate is the line with which I am holding on to Rhett!," she realized in awe. "I mustn't do anything to break that line!" She excused herself from the parlour and went up the stairs. She knocked once and stepped inside the room. Rhett had already taken a bath and changed into a neat suit. He was just preparing to leave. Scarlett sat on the chair and watched him take papers out of his case and study them, sort them and even crush one or two and throw them to the floor. He didn't look up for he was far too busy selecting the papers he needed for his visit to the bank. When he finally looked up, Scarlett gave a bright smile. Her cheeks dimpled and she looked lovely.

"What is it?",asked Rhett, distantly."I'm off to the bank and I shall return only in the afternoon. I thought perhaps we could go and visit Miss. Melly's grave."

"Oh, of course, you must visit her grave. We could call on Ashley and Beau as well.", said Scarlett, eagerly.

"If you wish", said Rhett, simply.

Scarlett rose and walked up to him. The room was very bright for its windows faced the sunlight. So for the first time since yesterday evening, Scarlett was able to look clearly into Rhett's face. He looked as dark as ever but the lines on his face had hardened. Coarse, hard lines that had first appeared when he started drinking heavily and had remained there over the years. But the puffiness around the jawline had disappeared. The hair at his temples had gone silver and gave him a quaint dignified look. His eyes still remained unreadable to her. She placed her hands on his cheeks and gazed gratefully into his eyes. Rhett seemed mildly surprised. He took hold of Scarlett's wrists and lowered her hands down. "What is it?",he asked again, amused. If he was touched by her gesture, he did not to show it.

After he left, a maid came to help her undress and get into bed. Scarlett fell asleep as soon as her head leaned back against the feather pillows. She was completely exhausted!

* * *

><p>That afternoon brought a new visitor to Aunt Pitty's house. His name was Edward Alderly and he was an actor by profession. He was also engaged to be married to India Wilkes! Scarlett gazed at Edward Alderly from across the dining table through mischievous green eyes. She had been to many plays and things with Rhett but the acting profession was quite new to her. As far as she had heard, an actor is someone who does everything from singing to dancing, doing stunts like tight-rope walking,juggling and of course, doing various roles on stage. But an actor! Goodness! How did India manage to catch this man with her stiff-necked ways and serious, quite frankly "aging" face? Edward Alderly seemed such a contrast to India. He talked gaily of many strange things that were apparently connected to his acting profession. He quoted lines from plays, made jokes of a vastly different nature that Scarlett had been used to- But India evidently enjoyed this type of conversation.<p>

"Or she is giving a very good imitation of it," thought Scarlett, still wondering how anyone could find India attractive and marriage-worthy.

Actually, India had been very nice to her when she first arrived. Since Melanie died, India had changed. She seemed less judgmental, Scarlett felt, and that was a welcome relief. She couldn't take any more condemnations from anyone regarding her affair with Ashley Wilkes. Still, as Scarlett dimpled and gazed unflinchingly at Edward Alderly's round, red face, she couldn't help wondering how much fun it would be to steal him away from India!

The afternoon dragged on and Rhett still hadn't returned.

Edward Alderly was growing quite boring. Scarlett realized that much of what he said about his plays and lines went completely above her head. But once or twice, he had mentioned that his acting career was really like a business and Scarlett perked up at once because she knew that money would be involved. She prided herself on having a good head for business and she soon diverted the conversation to herself and her mills and store in Atlanta. Edward was impressed and he said so several times during the course of their conversation. Scarlett, feeling she was back in her element, began to relate stories of how she had begun her sawmill business during the difficult era of starvation and poverty that followed soon after the war. She related several interesting stories of how she managed the mills and how much money she made to keep her family happy and healthy. She did not notice the reproachful look on Aunt Pitty's face as she tried to signal that Scarlett was monopolizing the conversation and leaving poor India Wilkes without much to say. Scarlett knew this, but she didn't care. She longed to play her part as a veteran of the war and besides, she was practicing exactly what to say to Mrs. Merriweather on Mr. Alderly.

Edward Alderly began to note how pleasantly green Scarlett's eyes were as she spoke merrily to him. He noticed her soft white skin and those lovely red cheeks. Then he saw the stern look on India's face. Reddening at once, he cut in sharply and brought up the well-worn topic of his plays. India took charge from there. Scarlett was left without a word now and she had the oddest feeling that India was putting her down in Mr. Alderly's eyes. By mentioning all the famous playwrights, plays, sonnets, musicians, artists and travelers of the world, India made short work of the fact that Scarlett was the most pitiful ignoramus where matters of the arts were concerned. Mr. Alderly seemed to agree for he turned to India and forgot all about Scarlett.

* * *

><p>So, it was with real bitterness toward the Wilkeses and their "kind", that Scarlett followed Rhett into the house of Ashley Wilkes after visiting Melanie's grave. For Rhett this turned out to be an amusing episode. He noted the complete indifference with which Scarlett treated Ashley. Of course, she was kind to him and inquired nicely about everything - his mills, the administration of the new public school, about Beau. But she was kind and nothing more. There was hardly any passion in her voice. The only time her face had softened was when Beau had ran into the room and Rhett had pulled him into a fond bear-hug.<p>

But even Rhett thought she was carrying the thing too far when she deliberately accused Ashley of losing out on the profits from the mills by resorting to the employment of free darkies instead of relying on cheap convict labor. The government was taking forever to lay out the rules in treating free darkies and all this waiting was taking its toll on the good business in the mills. Ashley was losing and losing badly. As a parting shot she said that hiring convict labor had been entirely her own idea and she was proud of it! Ashley looked completely bewildered at Scarlett's claim.

"Let him see me exactly as I am", thought Scarlett, bitingly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Scarlett's eyes were hard emeralds and they glittered with triumph! Basking in the comfort of Rhett's return, she had shown Ashley exactly what she thought of his "gentlemanly" ways. How silly he must have felt now, to have thought that she and Rhett were such a mismatched couple. She had sat by Rhett and given attention to Rhett's words and acted like the perfect wife. Served Ashley right! He led her through a fine dance, making her wait all those years thinking that he loved her and had married Melanie only for honor's sake! And finally when Melly was at the throes of death, he realized that he had loved Melly all long! Scarlett bit her lip in scorn. And she had thought Ashley was such a pillar of strength! Well, she'll show him what a good wife she is to Rhett! Yes, that's what she will do at tomorrow's bazaar as well. She'll hang on Rhett's arm and pay lovely compliments to her husband, hold him in high honor and everyone will see what an ideal couple they are! Scarlett breathed deeply with gratification and looking up, she saw Rhett's eyes gleaming at her. "You cruel cat!" he began with a mocking smile on his face. "You've sharpened your claws on Ashley and by the look on your face, you are planning to give others the same treatment!"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean!", retorted Scarlett, annoyed that he had read her like a book.

"I'm sure you do! I saw the look on poor Ashley's face when you made that jibe about convict labor. Really Scarlett, do you think its wise to dispel the delicate notions that Ashley might have harbored of your sweetness and grace? And that too in so brutal a fashion!"

"Fiddle-dee-dee!" said Scarlett, still smiling to herself. "Who cares what Ashley thinks. He never cared for me! Oh, he said he did .. on so many occasions! But in the end, he treated me as if I was his personal Belle Wattling!"

Rhett Butler pulled the buggy to a quick halt and laughed until he choked. Scarlett crossed her arms and looked annoyed. "People are staring!" she quipped. "Do stop making such a fool of yourself!" She gazed around, depressed. "I wish we could go anywhere but back to Aunt Pitty's. I don't think I could stand another minute of that Edward Alderly. Goodness, he might still be there, banked in a corner and wooing India for all he was worth! I honestly think I shall suffocate if I go there!"

Rhett smartly laid the whip on the horse's back and turned the buggy around. "How about a drive, just out of Five Points?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful,Rhett!" sad Scarlett, dimpling at once. She laid a gloved hand on his arm and smiled happily. Rhett still gazed mockingly at her. "But I feel for Mr. Wilkes.", he continued. "You owe him some kind of respect, darling. He did take a bullet wound for you on his shoulder during that ill-fated midnight tryst."

Scarlett had forgotten this. Her eyes opened wide with realization and then grew cold. "What of it?!" she cried, suspecting that Rhett was deliberately taking Ashley's side to make her feel guilty. "You hate Ashley, don't you? You've called him wooden-headed and a fool several times!"

"But not to his face"

"Aah, who is the hypocrite now? Stop laughing! And all the time we were there, I was so devoted to you. Not one word about that!"

"Frankly, I found your "devotion" quite disturbing!Please don't do it again"

Scarlett knitted her eyebrows in anger. "Then what do you expect,Rhett Butler? You are the most odious man I have ever met. And so terribly proud and unreachable. And what do you hope to achieve through it all? Your very contempt of others makes it impossible for anyone to know you or be kind to you."

Rhett returned a blank, placid look. "Perhaps that is true", he admitted at length.

"And as for me being brutal to Ashley Wilkes. I was entirely taken in by his ramblings of honor and sacrifice. Why if he'd died in the war, I'd have gotten over him and fallen in love with you that night you kissed me at Rough and Ready!"

Rhett's eyebrows shot up in black crescents.

"And.. and you wouldn't have left me-"

"I would have-", interjected Rhett.

"All right you would have. But you would have come back to me. We could have been a lot happier together-"

"Darling, I hold you equally responsible for your affair with Ashley Wilkes. Your words cannot change anything" Rhett said those words easily, but Scarlett noted with alarm that his eyes had suddenly grown disinterested and cold. Oh dear, she shouldn't have spoken all this just yet. It was too soon and Rhett still remembered the hurtful memories. Scarlett swallowed her impatience and continued on a different tack.

"Now Rhett, I see I was wrong to bring all that up. What does it matter now, darling. We are together and I'm going to make you so happy"

Rhett didn't reply and Scarlett began to grow anxious. She noticed that his jawline had hardened in the course of their conversation. Something she had said had triggered the aloofness in Rhett. And things were going on so well just then.

"We should visit Tara, Rhett. Of course, the children are there and they'd love to see you. But mainly because, I want you to stand with me on the wide porch and imagine my nervous anticipation, so many years ago, for when Ashley Wilkes would come riding on his horse, cutting a dashing figure in his suit, full of elegance and honor. I want you to picture what its like for a young girl of sixteen to hang on to every gentle word from Ashley's mouth. They were all gentle words, meaningless most of the time, but so lovely to the ears. I think it was his gentleness that drew me to him,Rhett. That was a quality I never had. Melly was gentle and so was my Mother."

Rhett did not reply but he was at least listening to her. Scarlett continued.

"You were gentle and kind on two occasions,Rhett. The first time was when I was so distressed from delivering Melly's baby and having to flee from Atlanta on the last day of the siege. You held me in your arms when I cried and I thought I could have stayed there forever. I did too, remember? I didn't snap at you or push your arms away. And the second time when I woke up from my nightmare. I wanted you to hold me. Your were so kind and gentle and I wanted to be safe. I felt safe and happy with you that night."

"I wager you never had that nightmare again these five months"

"No. I never did. I knew you'd come back to me", said Scarlett, softly.

Rhett returned an unreadable look.

"On both times when you were kind and gentle, I didn't push you away, did I Rhett?" she asked, peering into his face, hoping to read some returning emotions.

"No you didn't" said Rhett , at last.

Scarlett heaved a sigh of relief. She'd won the conversation and that was a very rare victory for her. Rhett suddenly bent down and kissed her cheek. it was a slight peck but Scarlett was pleased.

"But you thought of men as fools, Scarlett. You held the whip hand over them and I couldn't let you do the same to me. You would have done it, wouldn't you?"

Scarlett cast her mind back to the morning after their wild night of swirling darkness. She had planned to make Rhett jump through hoops and pay for every insolent remark he had made all those years. These memories made her blush involuntarily and Rhett was quick to notice it.

"Ashley always spoke of me as if there was hidden goodness and beauty in me.. my.. my soul.. What a fool I was to believe all that! But how lovely it was to hear those words! You called me hard and scrupulous. You insulted me, mocked me, saw through my ideas-"

"I spoke the truth"

"But the truth is so hard to accept"

There was a faint smile on Rhett's lips. "I haven't returned to you, Scarlett. You haven't really changed." Scarlett opened her mouth in fervent appeal but Rhett continued, "Listen, my baby, I want you to go to Charleston or the Savannah and find out about Pierre Robbilard. I feel that would save you-"

Scarlett leaned back moodily. Trust Rhett to bring up irrelevant topics! "Oh Rhett, there's not a truth in that story." she said morosely. "I.. I won't do it"

"That story is the reason why I came to visit you" prodded Rhett, with stern patience. "Now promise me you'll go to these places and learn about your Mother. Give me your word. You are as contrary as me, Scarlett. You speak of gentleness and yet you enjoy primitive feelings. You talk of kindness but you speak the most scathing words. You need to know yourself and I think that tracing Pierre Robbilard is the best way. Now, be a good girl and promise me that you'll do what I say." His eyes suddenly flickered with a dull gleam. "You can't stay in your contrary, frightened little shell and expect to win back my affections"

"Frightened?!",cried Scarlett, prickling up at once. "I have never-"

"It takes courage to be gentle and kind to others, darling." drawled Rhett, aggravatingly. "And you admitted on your own that you possess neither qualities. I shall understand that you may not want to go to Savannah for fear that anything you learn there might jeopardize your fond adulation of your guileless, unworldly Mother-"

Scarlett fumed at this. She burst out, her Irish temper taking over- "I shall go to Savannah and Charleston! I'll get to the bottom of your rotten old story and make you pay for your words, Rhett Butler."

As soon as she said the words, Scarlett knew she had fallen into Rhett's trap. he had looked at her like a cat staring at a mouse hole and she should have guessed he was jockeying her into this position. She cursed her quickfire temper and Rhett's smooth manipulative ways.

Rhett laughed softly and turned the horse around to go back to Five Points.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Dinner that night turned out to be an unexpectedly entertaining affair. Uncle Peter was going to cook the best bird in the chicken run and Aunt Pity decided to invite everyone down the street for a little party. The Meades arrived and so did the Elsings. Ashley Wilkes was there along with Beau. India Wilkes put a friendly arm around Scarlett's waist and prompted her to help receive the guests. This gracious act surprised Scarlett terribly for she knew that India must still hate her. Scarlett continued to become surprised for everyone was more kindly towards her during the course of the dinner.

She soon discovered the reason why.

"Selling the store was a brave thing to do, my dear and probably for the best!" began Dr. Meade and Mrs. Meade was nodding in firm approval. "I daresay it will give you more time to spend with your family-"

Scarlett looked up sharply with a frown. It was true she had sold out the store in the hopes of getting Rhett back but somehow it annoyed her to admit this to the others. She felt it made her seem less of who she was and everything she'd accomplished. Why, she had been a more successful business woman than the smartest men in Atlanta! She couldn't let everyone forget that! But before she could say so, she caught Rhett's eyes on her face. Alert at once, she mustered a sour smile and acquiesced to Dr. Meade's words.

Soon the conversation veered off in a political direction, something about the upcoming elections and Rhett more or less took center stage. Scarlett once again marveled at the respect given to Rhett by the others. Before the war, Melanie had been the sole supporter of Rhett's goodness and everyone else had called him a blackguard and a scoundrel. But here he was, surrounded by attentive faces and keen ears. Ashley was speaking too. His face was quite animated when he discussed the current state of affairs and how confusing and different they were from the previous government. They went on from there to civic duties and Scarlett retreated with the ladies to the next room.

* * *

><p>Now seated around a little round table, under the warmth of the gaslight, Mrs. Elsing gave Scarlett a smile. "How are Wade Hampton and Ella Lorena,dear?" she inquired cordially.<p>

"Quite fine, thank you," said Scarlett, faintly bewildered that the frail, severe aristocratic lady should behave so condescendingly towards her. "Wade is doing well at school. He reads all sorts of books and is the smartest one in his class. Ella had just started in her school. The teachers call her a feisty little girl."

"And you and Capt. Butler will again take up residence at your Atlanta home, I see?"

Scarlett hesitated. This was too direct a question and she saw the looks on Aunt Pitty and India Wilkes 's faces. Evidently they were curious too.

"Well, not immediately. I plan on joining Captain Butler in Charleston."

"A well-deserved holiday for you, my dear" cheered Aunt Pity. "Oh, do tell me the exact date. I have some parcels for you to take to your dear aunts!"

* * *

><p>"They were all quite nice to me" mused Scarlett openly as she sat by the mirror and applied the brush to her thick black hair. Rhett regarded her lazily from the bed. He offered, "Now that Melanie Wilkes is gone, they probably recognize you as the next source of strength in the neighborhood"<p>

"Oh, don't tease me."

"I'm perfectly earnest, Scarlett. And now that you've given up your store, they love you all the more. Getting back in their good graces should not be too difficult. What's the matter? You don't look very pleased-"

Scarlett studied herself in the mirror and caught Rhett's face in it, looking interestedly at her. "I guess it would be selfish to say this. But - as much as I want to be a part of the Old Guard, the sheer boredom of it is too tiresome!" She turned in her seat. "You said you were going back to Charleston to make peace with your people,didn't you, Rhett?"

"Yes?"

"Well, did you?"

Rhett leaned back against the pillows and gave a small smile. "I did," he said.

"How did you manage it? I thought they hated you enough to refuse your tainted money and that they thought all the money left to your Mother and Sister was insurance money from your Father's savings. How did they accept you at last? Must have been terribly difficult-"

"On the contrary, it was terribly easy. But yes, now that I think of it, some years ago, I might have found it terribly difficult"

"I wish you wouldn't talk in riddles-"

"I told the truth, my pet. I admitted that I was humbly wrong to reject the old ways of Charleston. I visited my foes and made amends-"

"And they believed you"

Rhett gave a scornful laugh. "Never underestimate the power of a good apology, Scarlett. Where money doesn't work, good manners and sincerity always will."

"And they are all good to you now?"

"Yes. I suppose they are", said Rhett, nonchalantly. Scarlett tried to read his eyes but they were smooth and dark, devoid of any emotion.

"And you like it there, Rhett? Don't you find it terribly boring?"

"I told you once before that I wished the utter boredom of respectability, Scarlett. Of course the people in Charleston live narrow lives and hold fast to the beliefs of ages past, but at least the charm still remains. They care for me, in their genteel way. "

Scarlett looked sad at once. She wanted to say that she too cared for Rhett but she could hardly bring herself to say the words. She wondered why she was this way. Even when Rhett had taken Bonnie to Charleston and she had missed them both so much, she had thought of so many kind things to say. But when Rhett finally came back, all that affection had faded so quickly and all she wanted to do was to hurt him as much as possible. She wondered why she thought that way.

"How are Wade and Ella doing?" inquired Rhett. He was very tired for lack of sleep.

"You can see for yourself when you visit them at Tara. Goodness knows, they'd love to romp around with you!", said Scarlett, sullenly. She thought for a moment and said,"Rhett, you wouldn't love respectability so much that you'd leave me and marry some Charleston girl, would you?" She stole a glance at Rhett's face and quickly continued,"We've always had the greatest fun together and all those stories you used to tell me by the moonlight!"

"You were a good listener", admitted Rhett. But he didn't answer her question. Scarlett realized this and again she couldn't find it within herself to demand an answer. She set the brush down and pulling off her wrapper, she climbed into the bed beside Rhett. Her head was nestled comfortably on his arm and she could hear his heavy breathing. "Oh dear, I feel tomorrow's bazaar might be a boring affair as well" she sighed. "And somehow I must hint to Mrs. Merriweather that the money I donated was to be used for her baking contract with the new public school. That should please her to no end!"

Rhett chuckled lightly. "Don't judge people by money, Scarlett. Try to understand them. Try to understand why they say the things they say or why they do the things they do- And I promise you, you will find it quite engaging- All those times when I rebuffed our faithful Southern folk, I knew exactly how each of them thought and how I could manipulate them. You lack such knowledge, my dear. Believe me, its quite useful as you grow older-"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_We loved each other then, Lorena,_

_Far more than we ever dared to tell;_

_And what we might have been, Lorena,_

_Had but our loving prospered well -_

_But then, 'tis past, the years are gone,_

_I'll not call up their shadowy forms;_

_I'll say to them, "Lost years, sleep on!_

_Sleep on! nor heed life's pelting storms."_

Scarlett thought it so strange that the same haunting waltz should echo the halls of the Atlanta Bazaar. She had heard it so many many years ago and she was younger then and so eager to throw of the shackles of her widow-hood and dance the night away. She wondered if she'd heard the waltz before or after she ran into Rhett Butler. She puzzled over it for a moment and then decided it must be before. Yes, she was quite sure. She remembered standing in the booth at the loneliest corner of the great hall and glaring enviously at the pretty girls who hung on the arms of handsome young men.

She tried not to remember or follow the lyrics for strangely they seemed to reflect her own lost love with Rhett. But it was no use. The words seemed to call out to her, putting her in a painful trance.

_The story of that past, Lorena,_

_Alas! I care not to repeat,_

_The hopes that could not last, Lorena,_

_They lived, but only lived to cheat._

_I would not cause e'en one regret_

_To rankle in your bosom now;_

_For "if we try we may forget,"_

_Were words of thine long years ago._

Her eyes began to glisten with unshod tears. She quickly pulled out her handkerchief and rubbed her eyes. It wouldn't do to spoil the evening with her silly emotions. She bit her lips and looked around for Rhett. He was still exchanging pleasantries the men at the entrance to the Bazaar. Scarlett thought she'd done a fine job in making that suit for Rhett. It fit him perfectly and for once he didn't look like a dandy. Instead, he looked like a sober, very dignified, wealthy Southern gentleman.

Scarlett gazed at the gathering group of matrons in the far section of the hall. She knew she'd have to join them, sooner or later. Mrs. Merriweather was there already, shaking her bulldog face in conversation. Then there is was Mrs. Whiting, Mrs. Meade and Mrs. Elsing. Maybelle Merriweather and Fanny were seated together. Scarlett thought their matronly dresses showed them much older than they actually were. But they didn't seem upset. They seemed to accept their elevation in society and Scarlett found that contemptible and strange. And there was India Wilkes looking quite lively on the arm of her beau. Since Melanie's death, India patched up her relationship with Ashley. They could be seen talking to one another as once before.

* * *

><p>"There's Scarlett Butler", said Mrs. Merriweather, peering across the hall through her shrew eyes. "It was very sensible of her to sell that shop of hers. Captain Butler needs her constantly by his side to get over the ghastly death of Bonnie Blue!"<p>

"My dear, after nearly five months of separation, I thought surely they were headed to a divorce." breathed Mrs. Elsing. She raised her eyebrows with implication and continued in a whisper, "All the gossip around her and Mr. Wilkes."

Pittypat Hamilton looked uncomfortable and fanned herself faster as if to avoid verbal involvement.

Before Mrs. Merriweather could reply, she caught Capt. Butler's eye gazing curiously at her little busy little group. He gave a ceremonious bow to the ladies and before their watchful eyes, trod lightly to Scarlett's side and kissed her on the cheek.

"There!" said Mrs. Merriweather, in firm approval. "Regardless of what you may say, Mrs. Elsing, I'd rather believe what's in front of my eyes than idle insinuations!"

Mrs. Elsing's thin face tightened with righteous indignation. "Dolly Merriweather, I was only-"

"And from what I've heard, Scarlett is going to Charleston. I heartily approve of it. A few months there with the Butler family will do her and her husband a world of good. Now I don't want to hear any more out of you, Mrs. Elsing! Capt. Butler has often been misunderstood in our society and its time we rallied behind him with our support. "

* * *

><p>Scarlett had jumped lightly when Rhett kissed her cheek. "Expecting somebody else?"he asked, with easy nonchalance.<p>

"Don't be silly" she replied, blushing lightly.

The waltz began and he led her to the middle of the hall. The other couples grouped around them and they began to dance.

"Rhett, you are coming down to Tara tomorrow, aren't you? Wade and Ella would never forgive you if you don't!"

"I will. But just for one day. I'll leaving the day after tomorrow back to Charleston and in a few weeks time, I'll be on a ship to England-"

Scarlett's face fell. "Oh, I wouldn't be able to come there until after a week or two. Won't you stay there while I'm at your mother's house?"

"I may tarry for a day or two. But don't count on it"

Scarlett became glum. She couldn't leave Wade and Ella at once. They still had a few weeks of school before the holidays began. Then she could bring them to Charleston or leave them with Beau and Ashley. She'd let Wade decide where he wanted to be. As she contemplated along these lines, she missed a beat and stepped on Rhett's feet. "Bored to distraction, I see" he teased with a laugh. "Or perhaps I am not as romantic as I used to be?"

"You were never romantic, Rhett", said Scarlett, with a sudden smile. "Charming perhaps, but definitely not romantic-"

"Aah", replied Rhett, pretending to be hurt. "I daresay we provide a pleasing spectacle to the eager onlookers-"

"Who do you mean?", asked Scarlett, looking around.

"Why, your friends, of course. Look at them, peering diligently from their seats. They've just about exhausted the possibility of our divorce and are now satisfied at seeing a semblance of our reconciliation"

"Oh", said Scarlett, not really understanding what he was saying. "Rhett, do you remember how silly we looked when we danced here so many years ago. I was looking like a crow in my black taffeta and you were looking like a rogue out of a stage-play!"

"I thought you wanted to forget those days"

"Oh Rhett, how could I forget them now?" She laughed, her cheeks dimpling softly. "You know, Rhett, when I was just fifteen, I went to get my fortunes told and Mamie Jincy predicted I'd marry a black haired gentleman with a mustache. I hated her for it because I never could trust a man with jet black hair. But then you turned up looking so handsome and fine-"

"Aren't you afraid I'd get conceited with your generous compliments?"

"I don't care." sighed Scarlett, fervently. "I don't care if you get so conceited that you'd burst at the seams."

"I hope not. It would tell upon your needlework" said Rhett, glancing down at the suit which Scarlett had tailored for him. "It's quite a nice suit and I like it."

The waltz ended and they made their way to the matron crowd. Rhett kissed Scarlett's hand and after another burlesque bow to the elderly cats, he went off to seek out his own friends. An odd hush fell on the group now that Scarlett Butler had joined them. But any bit of silence, pregnant with possibilities, was quickly extinguished by Mrs. Merriweather's commanding tone of voice which resumed in the direction of Church activities and the beautification of graves. Scarlett sighed inwardly and resigned herself to her matron responsibilities. Then, Rhett's words of advice loomed up. "Try to understand people. Try to understand why they say the things they say or why they do the things they do. The knowledge is useful as you grow older-" Scarlett reluctantly decided to take his words to heart and began to listen.. really listen.. to what these old cats had to say.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Scarlett was in high spirits on the morning that she left for Tara with Rhett. There were two reasons for her happiness. The first was the particularly fruitful conversation with Mrs. Merriweather. The old lady felt it her responsibility to take Scarlett under her protective wing, now that she had given up her store and the mills. She chastised Scarlett for her long neglect of Capt. Butler and at the same time complimented her on having good business judgement. During the course of the conversation, Scarlett heeded to Rhett's advice by tactfully asking, "Why, Mrs. Merriweather, whatever do you mean by saying that? I'm afraid I don't quite understand-" Immediately Mrs. Merriweather launched into a detailed explanation of her barking statements and this increased Scarlett's interest. Previously she would have been content to merely nod distantly at these words and not beg for an explanation. But, now she seemed to understand Mrs. Merriweather better. The old battle-axe was not all pompous and bossy. She actually gave good, hard advice on small mundane problems which Scarlett had found quite irritating to solve. And turning to Mrs. Elsing, Scarlett only had to mention her Mother's name to get her started on her old school memories with Ellen 'O' Hara. This topic soothed Scarlett for she loved her Mother dearly. They were soon swapping stories of the nostalgic pre-war days when Atlanta was such a promising, bustling young town.

The second reason was that this was the last day of Rhett's visit and Scarlett felt sure that she could win him back at Tara. She had lain awake most of the night, unearthing every little detail of their two happy days in Atlanta. "This whole messy business about loving Ashley - that's what really drove the wedge between Rhett and me" thought Scarlett, woefully. "But I'll change all that. Tomorrow, I'll take Rhett to all those places that I used to visit with Ashley and then, as we walk upon the freshly turned red earth of Tara beside the white starred magnolia trees and underneath the shadow of the oak trees, Rhett would come to realize how much he still loves me. "

So many years ago, those quiet evenings with Ashley, perfumed with flowers and serenaded with the chirps of little birds had heightened the passion in Scarlett's heart. She had carried those sweet memories in her heart, thinking all the time that they mysteriously revealed Ashley's silent charms. But in the end, all she had done was to create an idolized image of Ashley in her head. She had worshiped this image and reality soon turned her love to hate. But Scarlett placed great faith in the wooing calls of Tara. It was all so romantic and she felt sure that she could kindle the same feelings in Rhett. Scarlett could be her most feminine self at Tara. She loved the land - the balmy spring air and the quiet humming of the bees. The tall grasses that swayed in the wind, hemmed in by the yellow flowers of jessamine bushes. The more she thought it, the more sure she felt that Tara would help her get Rhett at last!

* * *

><p>"Uncle Rhett, where have you been?!" shouted Wade as he bounded down the stairs, two steps at a time. Ella followed in rapid pace and both children flung themselves at Rhett Butler much to the amusement of Suellen and Will . "Come and look at our tree-house.", danced Ella,excitedly tugging at Rhett's sleeve. Susie was beside her , wondering at the wild hullabaloo around the strange black haired gentleman.<p>

"Just a minute", laughed Rhett, swinging the girl to his side. "You are looking prettier, darling. Who combed all your curls to the front like that?"

"Mother did", chirped Ella,cheerfully.

Rhett's eyebrows shot up inquisitively and Scarlett explained with a smile, "I thought with her forehead being wide and everything, it would suit her looks better if she wore her locks to the front in short curls. What did your friends think of it, Ella?"

"They said I looked fine."

"You do look fine",said Rhett, playfully pulling at a curl. "And what's this about a tree-house? Surely, they haven't finished building it yet-"

"No" chortled Wade. "Ella's being silly. They brought the wood yesterday and its all laid out in the shade. I made the design-" With grave importance, he held out a sheet to Rhett who studied it with equal air of gravity. Scarlett couldn't help stifling a giggle at this ridiculous scene. She drew nearer to look at the curious bit of paper and was mildly surprised. Wade had made an excellent drawing. "All those markings and measurements", she wondered in admiration. "Why he must have a sharp head for mathematics! How wonderful! And Melanie wanted him to study law at a Yankee college! Heavens! She'd take care of that!"

Half-dragged by Ella, Rhett was finally forced out of his comfortable chair and went with the three excited children to visit the place where they had planned to build their tree-house. Scarlett fastened her bonnet strings and trotted after them as well. Mammy stared after the little group, with joy in her eyes. "I told Miss. Scarlett that everything would be all right and it is!", she affirmed stoutly as she rushed to the kitchen to whip up a good meal.

* * *

><p>It was nearly evening when Scarlett could finally get Rhett all to herself. She changed her clothes to a new cream silk taffeta which was perfect for the present weather. The dress clung to tightly about her narrow waist and fell down to her toes in diaphanous folds. Scarlett studied herself in the mirror and found the effect quite pleasing. She was still the belle of Clayton County! Scooping up her parasol, Scarlett coyly descended down the stairs and suggested that Rhett accompany her on a walk around Tara. Rhett's eyes wandered from the curls in her hair to her white feet stuck in three-inch heels and with a smile, he agreed.<p>

They stepped out together on the wide porch and taking Rhett's arm, Scarlett led the way down the gravel to her favorite haunts in and around Tara.

"Will Benteen is doing a good job of managing your cotton farm" mused Rhett, speculatively.

"Oh yes. He's become quite indispensable, these days" agreed Scarlett distantly. She was more occupied with the problem of leading the conversation up to her early days with Ashley. After mulling over various entry lines, she decided to take the bull by the horns and began by saying,

"Now I know you don't like me to bring up the subject of Ashley Wilkes, Rhett. But, if you'll just hear me out, I think you'll understand why I fell for him the way I did. I.. I have never told you this before Rhett, but I'm quite a sentimental person too. You see that lovely magnolia tree over there, just by the lake? I used to sit there and wait up for Pa. The road wound around there from the white buildings of Twelve Oaks and sometimes instead of Pa, I used to run into Ashley. He'd ride up there on his horse and we'd walk together down to the orchard."

Rhett remained silent as he listened to all this. He stared vaguely at the magnolia and at the dusty road. Scarlett dimpled pleasantly next to him and half-pulled him to a grassy mound under the shade of a tree. There was a log bench there and Scarlett sat on it. "This is where we used to sit for fish fries. And once we stayed out so long that Mammy came all this way looking for me! Heavens, it was funny trying to explain things to her. Naturally I had to lie a little to escape her vengeance!." Scarlett set her parasol down and smiled up at Rhett. She was sure she looked very pretty in the evening light. She saw something of an affirmation in Rhett's face. "The old days did have a slow charm in them, didn't they Rhett?"

Rhett settled down beside her and glanced wordlessly at the beautiful acres before them. The trees were lesser now and some of the fields were just starting to grow back to their fullness. His eyes held a far-away look unnoticed by Scarlett.

"We used to go to picnics, Ashley and I.. we rode out to the Tarleton's picnics. I'd be wearing my best taffeta with lace trimmings and I knew I couldn't handle a horse as well as Ashley but he was such a gentleman. He'd slow up his horse and pretend like he didn't. I always knew. And it was all so gay and carefree, Rhett. "

Scarlett flushed a little. "I know you haven't heard me talk this way before. I used to share all these memories with Ashley. And he was worse off than me. He lived in this world of fantasy and dreams. Rhett, he began all this sentimental talk of the good old days at Tara on the day we got caught by Archie and India Wilkes."

Rhett turned sharply at this. His eyes grew alert all at once and Scarlett hesitated a moment, wondering if the remembrance of that incident would ruin the evening with Rhett. But she swallowed her fears and pressed on,

"I didn't want to look back, Rhett. But Ashley's voice was so soothing and baiting. I remembered things that were a distant dream and I got so upset. That's when I went into his arms.. not as a lover!" she added, hurriedly. "But as a friend. Honey, I'd already lost love for him. I no longer felt anything but kindness towards Ashley and that's when the unthinkable happened. We were caught red-handed and.. well, .. you know the rest"

"Scarlett, I don't want to hear anymore" sighed Rhett, softly.

"Oh but you must understand. Ashley loved Melanie all along and he told me so only on the day of Melly's death. I've been such a fool, Rhett. And I've seen how wrong I was.. about everything-"

Rhett stared at her, his face hard and set. Scarlett coiled her arm tightly around his and drew close to Rhett. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to be taken up in his arms and to be kissed madly. She turned up her face ,her lips, red and desirable and her green eyes searching for the faintest signs of passion in Rhett's dark eyes. "Rhett, do try and understand - Ashley had the approval of every gentleman in the County. He was tall and handsome, he rode horses well and was an expert shooter. He gambled well and had visited so many foreign states. And he always spoke in such a kind and gentle way. You'd never seen such soft eyes in a man's face. And when he rode out to me, I thought he loved me. It was too good to be true and it all went into my head, really.. And it's those silly memories that.. well, that's all that I carried in my heart for years.. years after he had married Melly and had Beau-"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Rhett wearily disentangled Scarlett's frantic grip on his arm. "The time for reproach or criticism is passed, Scarlett. I offered you a divorce or a separation and you didn't want them. And that's why I am here. When Bonnie was alive, I didn't quite care how badly your reputation as a mother was tarnished. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure people knew what a negligent mother you were. But, now that it's all over- I have nothing left. I want to be kind to you and do whatever is required of a husband. I made that clear that night I kissed you at our Atlanta grounds. As for all your words on Ashley, don't you realize that I have matched him in everything you've said? I was as wealthy as the Wilkeses and perhaps more but you rejected me by saying that I'd never worked a day for my money and that I'd made my fortunes by ill-gotten gains. I'd soiled my hands is what you'd often told me and I did agree. I have traveled far and wide as well and posses a keen literary knowledge although I haven't shown much of it. I didn't see the need to actually during all the times I was in and out of Atlanta. I was as fine a shot as Ashley and of this you had proof since the first day you saw me at Twelve Oaks when your friends told you I'd shot a man in Charleston and was not received at my own family-"

Scarlett realized with a pang of guilt that all this was true.

"No Scarlett, as much as you would like me to see things from your point of view, you have failed to understand that that is what I had done for so many long years. My love for you was endless-"

"Then you must love me now-" Scarlett's voice rose to a forlorn wail and her white fingers dug into his wrists.

"I don't" said Rhett, simply. His face was a smooth blank and there was no light in his eyes.

"But why?" begged Scarlett. "I've kept you happy these few days,haven't I? I haven't spoken a harsh word. I can understand your pain now, darling. Rhett, I love you so much! Why won't you try to understand?"

Rhett studied her in the fading light and gave an empty smile. "I have found the limit of your love, Scarlett. Mine was endless. Yours wasn't."

Scarlett stared at him, uncomprehendingly. The pain of rejection was tearing and twisting her heart mercilessly.

"You proclaimed a deep and ardent love for Ashley but once he was all yours, you didn't want him anymore. Your love reached its shallow limit. Now I seem to be the unattainable object of affection and therefore you pursue me with all your energy and zeal."

"Rhett, that's not true!"

"And once you've got me, what will you do with me? There will come another unattainable goal and you run out of love for me and pursue it with your iron will. So, you see, my dear, your love is so very limited and while you are so alike to my own personality, we differ in the depth of love."

Scarlett began to cry angry tears. Rhett's words rang true and she could find nothing to defend herself. She felt an unexplainable anger against Rhett, against herself and even against God. She wanted Rhett and wanted him so badly. But he was slipping away. All this had only been kindness and duty. Not love. Rhett didn't love her.

"Just look at the way I loved Bonnie. I took her everywhere, kept her smiling all the time. I never forced her to do anything she didn't want to do. I gave everything I had for her. And Miss. Melly? I loved and respected her. I saved her wretched husband for her sake and even the mills-" Rhett hesitated and then continued, "I wanted to put an end to your run-ins with Ashley. I wanted you to stop going to the mills and spend more time with Bonnie and me. I did it for Miss. Melly most of all. So that she would forever hold her husband in high esteem and never know of his cheating heart. And you? I loved you more than- " Rhett broke away resignedly. "Well, it doesn't matter now."

'It's true. All you've said is true", stammered Scarlett, incoherently. "I've always wanted beaus who weren't mine to take. I stole Stuart from India Wilkes and Brent Tarleton from Careen. And I only thought of them as silly fools who liked pretty, scatter-brained, dotting girls to worship them. Then I took Charles from Honey Wilkes and then there was Frank and Ashley- But Rhett, I do love you. And it's not just some passing fancy. I.. I know I married you for money but, I don't care about money anymore-"

Rhett gazed at her through such pitying eyes that Scarlett knew at once that he did not believe her. Worse yet, she couldn't even believe herself. "I'm losing him. I'm losing him" was all that was echoing through her mind. Her shoulders shook so much that Rhett kindly drew her to himself. She crawled against his chest and pressed her face into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her. His chin rested on her head and his right hand gently smoothed her hair. If she had looked up, she would have been stunned to see how old and tired he looked just then."When I left for Charleston, I told you I didn't give a damn about where you went or what you did. And I meant every word. Scarlett, I knew that, even if I accepted your love, there will always be that limit. I knew that my future with you will never be secure. The curious thing was, you weren't entirely to blame. You honestly believed in the flight of your wild emotions and I found that the hardest to accept. It intrigued me because I never understood it. Then one day, by chance, my answer came. I heard of your Mother's affair with Phillippe Robillard and it all became clear. I thought, perhaps that is why you didn't know much about love. The eldest in the family more or less tries to live up to the expectations of the parents and even if they don't, the burden is always there.." Rhett lifted her head and gently kissed her forehead. Scarlett pulled out her handkerchief to blow her nose.

Rhett continued, "I am too old to go with you and delve into your past, Scarlett. I tried so many ways to make you love me and I have failed. I don't even have the interest to try anymore. But maybe you can help yourself. "

Scarlett's eyes were red and swollen and she took Rhett's face in her trembling hands. "Wait for me?" she whispered, plaintively. Without lingering on for his answer, she pulled him close and pressed her lips to his.

She was kissing him goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Scarlett stood on the deck of the passenger boat as it drew into the inlet bay of Charleston. Her hands played with the strings of her netted reticule as her eyes roved along the docks to see if Rhett Butler had come to meet her. Once the ramp was drawn, the porter helped carry her bags to the pier. A sharp gust of sea wind threatened to blow away her emerald green bonnet and just as she spiritedly snatched it from the air, a warm, cheery voice greeted her.

"Scarlett, dear! Welcome to Charleston!"

Scarlett wheeled around in surprise and she saw Rosemary advancing rapidly across the pier. Instantly she was struck by the uncanny resemblance between Rhett and Rosemary. The same dark eyes, the same brown skin, the same jet black hair and lazy flat drawl of a pure bred Charlestonian. Scarlett liked to think that Rosemary had the disarming gentility of Melanie Wilkes that formed the perfect cover for an unpredictable elemental streak underneath. Rosemary was the youngest in the family, but she was older than Scarlett. She hugged Scarlett and kissed her on both cheeks. She looked back and called, "James, carry Mrs. Scarlett's bags down to our carriage, won't you?" In response a tall black man who simply towered above the heads of the two ladies bent down and effortlessly picked up the heavy baggage in his strong arms. "Good Heavens", breathed Scarlett, startled by James's staggering form.

"Oh, don't let James's height fool you. He's quite a devoted softy and he's been with our family for ages." said Rosemary, happily. She gazed at Scarlett through bright eyes. "Oh Scarlett, I am so happy to see you. I know you must be a little vexed to see me instead of Rhett-"

"Of course not!" protested Scarlett, immediately. "He told me he was leaving for England"

"Oh no, he hasn't left yet. He's got some dull paper work to do before his trip and he's down at some office somewhere in the city. I think he'll be down at the house by noon. Did you have a nice trip up here? I hope Wade and Ella are fine."

"Oh yes, they are fine. I left them at my Aunt Pittypat's house for the summer."

"That's good. I suppose they'd find Charleston quite boring after the fun of Atlanta city"

Scarlett inwardly rolled her eyes. She didn't say so, but oh, how she would love to agree to that statement! Charleston was a thumping bore! Her previous visit to Charleston had solely consisted of endless knitting and huddling in fright from hearing the bellow of a stray alligator at Aunt Pauline's and being cooped up within the high walls of Aunt Eulalie's beastly manor!. Oh, damn Rhett for making her go through all that again!

"How is Mrs. Butler?", inquired Scarlett.

"Mother is doing very well. We live in a comfortable house now - my brother would have told you. Oh, Scarlett, we really did suffer terribly during the war. What with the ports being sealed by gunboats and cannons sounding everywhere-"

"I still mistake a clap of thunder for cannon fire."

"Oh yes! One is never quite the same after the war. But no matter. Charleston is reviving again. As we ride in our carriage, I shall point out every new monument and school that has cropped up in the recent year. You can't even recognize some of the streets now!"

* * *

><p>Rosemary was true to her word. She kept Scarlett engaged in gazing out at the new buildings and monuments while she ran a commentary on the events that led up to their construction. Scarlett stifled a yawn and pretended to be interested for politeness sake. This whole business of coming to Charleston was tedious and frankly, cruel. She almost regretted promising Rhett to come and talk to her Aunts. She was sure they'd never get to the point of Ellen's past and even if they did, what could they possibly tell? Instead Scarlett wished she was wearing her lovely off-shoulder apple green dress and the wide sun hat, looking so bold and vivacious. That's the Scarlett that Rhett had fallen in love with! Scarlett sighed and wondered if she would ever return to that distant version of herself again.<p>

The carriage turned into the streets and a voice, definitely imperious and high sounding beckoned them from the walkway. Rosemary leaned out at once and cried, "Mrs. Drayton, how lovely to see you. A ride? Well of course.. do join us. It's such a pleasure!"

Rosemary drew back inside and Scarlett noticed with some surprise that her face had gone tense and white. She put out a hand that gripped Scarlett's. "I despise this woman, dear. If you knew her, you would hate her too. But for honor's sake-"

The carriage door was pulled open and a large middle-aged woman dressed in crisp tarlatan that was weighed down comically with old-fashioned ruffles and gatherings, heaved herself inside. She breathed noisily and her heavy jowl reminded Scarlett of the face of a plump walrus. She rubbed a handkerchief across her fat chin and peered at both the ladies.

"I was just on my way back from the parish when I heard the sound of hooves. Goodness me, isn't that the new carriage of the Butler family? I was so relieved. My poor feet are turning callous in this weather- To think, years ago, the many miles your poor Mother used to cross for want of a decent carriage-"

Rosemary blushed at once and looked extremely uncomfortable.

Mrs. Drayton's eyes wandered over Scarlett and the later could sense a queer feeling of animosity. "Sharp little pig eyes", thought Scarlett, a little shiver running down her spine. She had seen such eyes before but she couldn't remember the exactly where.

"This is my sister-in-law Mrs. Scarlett Butler" introduced Rosemary, warily.

"How lovely to meet you,my dear.", said Mrs. Drayton slipping a gloved hand into Scarlett's. "So, at last you have come to join your husband. You must come to our sewing circle at the parish. My friends would love to know you. So would my daughter, Judith. You must visit us sometime as well. After that humble apology, I feel sure I can put the feud to rest! Mr. Drayton disagrees and I'm not quite sure about Judy's husband's feelings upon the matter but.." Mrs. Drayton shook in the semblance of a laugh." - the good Lord demands forgiveness at the plea of true penance, does he not?"

Scarlett looked bewildered at this. She gazed from Mrs. Drayton's devouring smile to Rosemary's color-drained face.

"Mercy me, we've just passed my house." yelped Mrs. Drayton. "Thank you for the ride and I hope to see you soon. Goodbye, dears"

Mrs. Drayton waddled off and Rosemary heaved a sigh of relief.

"Who is that woman?" asked Scarlett, staring after the figure of Mrs. Drayton, clanking open the gate to her drive. A woman in her thirties ran up the gravel and the old woman furiously pointed to their carriage. Scarlett instantly thought her ill-bred and drew her head back inside.

"She's completely spoiled this day for me" moaned Rosemary, her eyes looking pained and angry. "Scarlett, Mrs. Drayton is the mother of Alec Drayton, the foolhardy brother of Judy who Rhett shot in a duel years ago. She must have heard of your arrival and deliberately asked for a ride to upbraid you for herself. Such a nasty woman but annoyingly tolerated in our society!"

"The Slattery's!"

"The what?"

"Nothing. I just remembered where I'd seen such beady eyes. Why, she looked like that Slattery woman. We have a special name for such families down in Atlanta" Scarlett refrained from saying more for fear she'd sound scandalous but her eyes flashed brightly. Till then, Rhett's story of how he was estranged from his family and how he was not received in a single home in Charleston had been surreal. But after seeing the enemy face to face, Scarlett was struck by the reality of it all! She hated Mrs. Drayton on sight and she was sure she would hate Judith Drayton as well.

* * *

><p>The carriage finally drew past tall iron gates and up the curving driveway that wound between walls of camellias and jasmine. The fresh sea air blew in through the trees of the house upon the Battery and Scarlett thought it was a charming place indeed! James carried her bags and Mrs. Butler waited upon the top step to greet them.<p>

"Abbie will be your maid throughout your stay here in Charleston, Scarlett.", said Mrs. Butler, beckoning a tall, black girl to her side. She instructed the girl, "Go into the bedroom and make sure Mrs. Scarlett's things are put away neatly. Run her a hot bath." She turned back to Scarlett. "I'm sure you must be sorely tired from your journey,dear-"

Scarlett thankfully retired to her room. Not because she was tired. But because she wanted to take a bath and look fresh and charming when Rhett arrived. But as she entered her room, she took a step back in surprise. Rhett's dressing gown was flung across a rumpled pillow. Why of course! The room belonged to Rhett! Separate rooms for a couple was something scandalous in Charleston and Scarlett was very glad that Mrs. Butler was completely in the dark about their marital woes.

Just as Abbie finished unpacking, Scarlett heard a soft knock on the door. Rosemary entered with a sheepish look on her face. "Scarlett, would you be too tired to come and look at a few dresses with me? I got some silk from China and I've got a pattern here-"

Scarlett's eyes snapped in delight for she loved to look at dresses and designs. She followed Rosemary to her room at the end of the winding corridor. Rosemary's room was relatively smaller compared to Rhett's. There was a large poster bed and huge windows that overlooked the gardens. Rosemary drew out the folds of brocaded pink silk and Scarlett thought the material would make a lovely evening dress.

"Now where did I put that silly little pattern?", wondered Rosemary, hunting around for the sheet of paper. Scarlett joined her and they looked through every stuffed drawer and overcrowded shelf.

"You've got too many old things here" observed Scarlett.

"I hate to throw anything away. I'm too sentimental and I think each item is a memory. I'm sure you must treasure your old bonnets, buttons and the odd little gifts that your sweethearts would have given you from time to time?"

Scarlett cast her mind back. The only things she thought were truly sensible gifts were bon-bons and those she finished in few minutes flat. She knew some foolish girls who pressed the flowers given to them in books and she swore with exasperation that she wouldn't be so scatter-brained as to do that! She remembered bits of poetry and letters! So many letters! Whatever had she done with them?

As she mused along these lines, her eyes fell on an overflowing silver case, stuffed with letters. "Are these from your beaus?", she asked, lifting up the case in her hands.

"Oh, be careful, the hinge is loose", cried Rosemary and the same instant, the case broke apart in Scarlett's hand and the desk was littered with yellowing bits of paper.

"How clumsy of me! I shall put them back at once!"

Scarlett bent down to retrieve the letters when her eyes fell on a particularly dirty yellow sheet of paper. The black, bold hand was so very familiar and she turned the crumbling sheet in her hands. It was signed "Rhett Butler".

"Rosemary, what is this letter?", she called, surprised.

Rosemary looked over and flushed. "That was a letter written long long ago-"

"But it's signed Rhett Butler-"

"It is Rhett's letter. He was in love with a Charleston belle. I'm not sure of the name-"

"There isn't a name" said Scarlett,ruefully. Her fingers traced the torn corner of the letter. Her eyes ran over the first few ink smudged lines.

_" - fairest darling, you know my bruised heart belongs to you. From the moment I chanced upon your loveliness, I have never seen greater beauty even in the rarest of roses or taken deeper pleasure even in the balmiest of springs. How tenderly your voice calls to me. How sweetly-"_

"Rhett wrote all this?" Scarlett looked up dumbfounded.

"The Charleston belle led Rhett in a wild chase and for some reason she refused to see him anymore."

"Oh" said Scarlett and sat down suddenly upon the bed. She still clutched the letter in her hands.

"She was very decent about it but it broke Rhett's heart. She returned all his letters and .. well, Rhett didn't have much money then, so he couldn't give her anything. I expect that was the reason why she lost interest. The belles of the County set such a store by presents, don't they?"

Scarlett mumbled something incoherently and once again turned a dazed glance at the letter in her hands. _"-fairest darling-" _Scarlett looked up, utterly incredulous. "God's nightgown!" she effused at last.

"Mother didn't tell him that his letters were returned. She burnt them but I managed to retrieve this." Rosemary sat down beside Scarlett and took the paper in her hands. "This letter was the most tender expression of love and it touched my heart. He must have changed after that for we advised Rhett so much to stay away from that Judy Drayton. That girl was asking for trouble, always fluttering her eyes at Rhett and simpering when he drew near. He didn't like her but her foolishness amused him and he went on with it. Nobody would believe that the buggy broke down. Father couldn't hold his head up in society. He argued long and hard with Rhett to marry that Drayton girl. Mother implored as well for fear that Father might fall ill. Oh, Scarlett! There was such a scene! I kept this letter when my Father cut off Rhett from the family without a single penny. Charleston called him a blackguard and a scoundrel and this letter was proof that my brother had a tender heart deep inside. It gave me faith. The heart can take only so many hurts before it turns hard and insensitive. I kept this then and as I grew older, I'm afraid it gathered dust with all my other letters. "

"May I have this letter?"

"Why, of course." smiled Rosemary. "It must amuse you greatly-"

"Amuse me? It startles me!"

Rosemary laughed aloud and just then there was loud tapping on the door. "Who is it?",she asked. The door opened and Rhett walked inside in his light Indian gait. Scarlett swallowed hurriedly and threw the letter behind her back. This letter was too delicious to be burnt just yet. She had to read everything in it! She simply had to!

"Scarlett! So, you've come at last!" he cheered in good humor. He pulled up a low stool and sat down by Scarlett's side. Taking Scarlett's hand, he dropped a faint kiss and held it in his own. "What have you been doing with yourself?"

"Aaah, here's is the pattern!",cried Rosemary. "It was behind this vase after all. Scarlett was helping me decide a pattern for my dress. She has very good taste! Her dresses always look so chic and attractive!"

"Indeed. I happen to know Scarlett's taste very well-"

Scarlett turned a mortified gaze at Rhett. But his eyes held such vivid amusement that she was forced to smile. He laughed and so did she. Her other hand carefully pocketed the letter and she turned with some interest to Rosemary's pattern.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, RMB! :) To tell the truth, I found your reviews quite flattering :D perhaps harsh at times, but you've said that it was toward the characters so, I'm cool with it. I like Scarlett's character very much actually and I will do justice to her nature as I go on. And yes, it may seem like I'm painting a saint-like portrait of Rhett but that's just for now. **

**Keep reviewing! And thanks so very much! :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

_" - fairest darling, you know my bruised heart belongs to you. From the moment I chanced upon your loveliness, I have never seen greater beauty even in the rarest of roses or taken deeper pleasure even in the balmiest of springs. How tenderly your voice calls to me. How sweetly-"_

Scarlett's cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink as her eyes hungrily scanned Rhett's letter. She was now safe within the solitude of her own room and lay curled on the feather bed with the letter smoothed out over the pillow. She counted how many times the word "darling" had been used. "Seven times!" gaped Scarlett, thrilled. And "sweetheart" had been used five times! Any other wife who happened upon her husband's youthful expressions of _amore_ would have laughed at his silliness and given the matter no further thought. Instead Scarlett was feeling proud that Rhett was actually capable of writing such a letter! That he had written two pages of his love for the mysterious Charleston belle while only elaborating on her physical virtues, did not bother Scarlett one bit. She admired him for it. A woman should be loved first and foremost for her physical beauty. Isn't that why Scarlett took the trouble of wearing rouge and perfume? Isn't that why she brushed her hair a hundred times each night and took such pains to set her curls just right above her forehead? Isn't that why she wore veils and shawls to keep her white, soft skin looking fresh and youthful? And yet her first husband Charles, instead of praising her sooty black eyes, red lips, unblemished white skin or thick black hair was always lumbering on and on about the sweetness in her and the kindness- Scarlett rolled her eyes at the memory. And Ashley's letters during the war to Melanie had been downright vague and depressing. But this letter! Oh, Rhett really knew how to woo a girl into his arms!

Scarlett giggled foolishly and purred under the covers like a happy cat. She had memorized the letter by heart now. Then a wicked thought came to her mind. She pushed the letter under the pillow and closed her eyes. Slowly she began to take pieces of the lines in the letter and match them with moments during her wild night with Rhett after Melanie Wilkes's reception.

_"-fairest darling-"_

Scarlett turned crimson as she imagined Rhett saying these words just before he laid her on his bed. Oh, if he had only really spoken the words, it would have been such a romantic night together! She opened her eyes unable to go on with the ridiculous exaggeration of the actual happenings. For one thing, Rhett had been vulgarly drunk so much so that his breath had been pungent and his speech had slurred to incoherence. But it was so much more romantic to imagine things this way for the same Rhett who had used her so brutally had also written this tenderly romantic letter.

_"-your hands as soft as petals-"_

Scarlett remembered running her hands through Rhett's jet black hair as he covered her neck with kisses.

_"-you say that you love me and I only hope that you really do. The teasing memory of your dancing eyes, the music in your laughter-"_

Scarlett sighed in contentment. She was already sailing into daydreams of being taken into Rhett's arms and being kissed tenderly. Then she pulled herself back to reality. "This would never do!" she snapped, half annoyed with herself. "Rhett would never speak this way now. He's changed so much-" Then she melted into the pillows. "But it is so comforting to know that there is a sensitive side to Rhett. For years, I'd been worried that if I'd show my feelings, he'd laugh that jeering laugh of his or make one of his horrible jokes-"

Scarlett's eyes widened with realization. She didn't have that fear anymore. Rhett wouldn't laugh at her and even if he did, she had proof that he was only putting on a gruff appearance to hide his vulnerable self.

* * *

><p>Scarlett dressed cleverly that evening. She knew the people of Charleston were more South than Georgia and therefore tediously traditional. So she chose an evening gown that looked like it had a high neckline but actually didn't. It was a lovely shade of green and the tarlatan layer alone rose up in small ruffles around her neck. So really, anyone who looked closely could see her pale skin underneath right up to the actual low cut curve of the dress. She also braided her hair lower than the base of her neck, leaving plenty of curls on the sides of her face. The bonnet sat low on her head, but hardly covered her hair at all. She dabbed a little perfume on her neck and handkerchief and sat admiring her reflection when Rhett walked inside.<p>

"Aah, I see you are ready. My brother and his wife are coming this evening - probably to see you. They're probably curious as to what kind of a girl I had roped in to marrying me-"

He gave a mildly sardonic laugh and went into his closet to chose his evening suit. He didn't notice Scarlett regarding him in a new light. As he strode, to and fro, from closet to the bed, carrying various pieces of garment, Scarlett turned around on her seat and watched him, enraptured. She still couldn't believe it. His towering form, bulky shoulders, foreign-looking mustache and bold, black eyes. And this was the same man who had written those tender words!

"Oh, Rhett you're not going to wear that?!" she cried, in dismay at the attire being assembled on the bed. "Wear one of those darling suits which you had tailored in New Orleans!"

Rhett looked at her, speculatively. "I would like to, my pet, but I don't think it would fit- I'm not the man I used to be-"

Scarlett realized he was referring to his thickening waist and his muscular frame which was now soft and slack.

"Well, you'll just have to take better care of yourself and eat right-", she began,sternly.

Rhett's eyebrows rose up in sardonic crescents. But he didn't say anything. "Yes, perhaps you're right" he admitted after a while.

"And.. and don't drink so much. Dr. Meade told me months ago that too much whiskey would be the end of you-"

"Why, Mrs. Butler, how thoughtful of you! How kind! But I fear all this womanly concern must mean that you want something from me? Another generous investment in some business venture perhaps?" Rhett laughed and sauntered up to the mirror to watch Scarlett as she arranged a delicate coral necklace around her neck.

"Of course not!" interrupted Scarlett, with a frown. "My goodness, a wife should have some freedom to chastise her husband, shouldn't she?" As she said the words, she marveled at the evenness in her tone. Normally, she would have spat back some cynical or sarcastic remark. But she didn't this time. She didn't think it was worth the effort. She decided she would much rather be nice to Rhett and see if he would ever speak those melting words in the letter-

"But why now?" questioned Rhett, genuinely puzzled. He sat down on the wide stool beside Scarlett and regarded her suspiciously. "You are going to your Aunt Pauline's ,aren't you?"

"Unfortunately I am", replied Scarlett, steadily. "I shall hate it though. Aunt Pauline's plantation is buried in the swap and the nearest neighbor is twenty miles away! God's nightgown, what a hideous place to live in! Nothing but alligators and rice!"

"I forgot I was talking to the most ignorant person I know- The Yankees destroyed every plantation in Charleston. Your Aunt Pauline and Uncle Carey live in a little house many miles from here-"

"Thank heavens for the Yankees!" cried Scarlett with relief. She turned impish eyes on Rhett. They sparkled in a green light. "I can understand cotton plantations but not rice. Rice plantations are always ankle deep in water and I couldn't bear walking by those ghostly vines hanging from the oak trees." She shivered lightly as she said this. "Bend your head, Rhett. Good, you're not balding! Although I would say this spot could grow bald in a year or two-"

Rhett laughed unwillingly. He took Scarlett's hands in his and peered hard into her eyes. Scarlett tried to maintain her cool composure at first but suddenly flushed and turned away from his burning gaze. She knew Rhett would never guess what she knew. Not this time. She had an edge over him and he would never never know what it was! Oh how perfectly maddening for him and how very lovely for her!

"You are mediating some devilment. I can tell it quite plainly from your face-"

"I don't care what you say, Rhett Butler!" declared Scarlett."Nothing.. no cruel jokes or barbs are going to spoil my evening with your family tonight." Scarlett gave her curls a saucy flip as she said the words. This induced a reluctant grin out of Rhett.

"Well,mind you don't fuss too much, my beautiful charmer" he warned, guardedly. "I'm not your precious Frank!"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Rhett's brother and sister-in-law didn't stay very long after dinner. Now the house was silent save for the parlor room where Rosemary was bidding a long goodbye to her beau. Scarlett was impressed by Rhett's brother. The man looked nothing like Rhett for he was a head shorter and fair like most of the Charleston men. When he first began to speak, Scarlett had resigned to a dreary lecture commencing from Fort Sumpter and the events thereafter until present-day reconstruction. However she was pleasantly surprised. His language was eloquent with facts and black and white statements. He didn't discuss tedious ideas as the other men did back in Atlanta. He merely gave his opinions clearly and decisively. And he spoke largely in terms of money. He seemed to have regained a fine position in society despite the ruin of his rice plantation. He proudly underlined and enumerated the benefits of his education and the edge it gave him over every other survivor of the war. Rhett had remained aloof and silent through most of this oration and towards the end began to speak of his connections in Atlanta.

When Rhett's brother rose up to leave, Scarlett couldn't help feeling that she had been in the presence of a great gentleman. And his conversation had been so easy to follow. She mentioned this to Rhett, he leaned back on his chair and roared with laughter.

Scarlett jumped violently at this. She stole a furtive glance in Mrs. Butler's direction. Good heavens, what must Mrs. Butler make of Rhett's unwarranted rudeness to her!. Anxious not to betray the depravity of their marriage, Scarlett cried defensively,

"I.. I only meant he didn't speak so contrary.. in riddles, like you do, half the time. I quite enjoyed his conversation about the changing role of banks and about large-scale money rotation and how share cropping works . Rhett, you've never explained those things to me even though you worked in the bank!" As soon as she said these words, she bit her tongue for she knew that through all the days he'd worked at the bank, she had sat on her high horse and looked down on his "pretense" respectability. She saw Rhett raking her with a mocking grin and knew that he had read her thoughts like a book. Just then, she hated him fiercely. But the letter came back into memory and she controlled her temper in very poor grace.

"It gives one a feeling of solidarity to know that some people never change" drawled Rhett softly. His voice was flat and devoid of the mockery that had lined his face just seconds ago. "Always glitter, never gold."

Scarlett looked up sharply at this. Rhett had said the same words once before and that he couldn't wait that long to find out if she would ever change. She wished fervently that Mrs. Butler wasn't in the same room. Then she could exhort an explanation from Rhett for his infuriating laughter and in the process, understand how his mind worked. She so much wanted to see things the way he saw them!

"Now, Rhett, don't be boorish-" began Mrs. Butler, looking up from her needlework. She threw a kind glance in Scarlett's direction. "Laughing out like that won't help Scarlett understand any better."

"It isn't that she wants to understand" replied Rhett, snidely.

"Well, you are no one to decide that, are you, my boy?" spoke Mrs. Butler, quietly.

Scarlett was startled at the severity in Mrs. Butler's even voice.

"I know this family must be confusing to you, dear. We say things and mean them differently. By elaborating on his vast knowledge of banks and share cropping, my youngest son has concealed the fact that he desperately needs a job and wants Rhett to pull some strings for him to get one at the prestigious Charleston bank. He must have heard of Rhett's influences with Atlanta bank authorities. If my dear husband were alive, my son wouldn't so much have spoken two civil words to Rhett. Earlier, he had never touched Rhett's money, saying it was bad luck to use speculator's gains. But now that Mr. Butler is safely in his grave, he has wasted no time in making amends with Rhett. Even if it is for a short while. This leads me to believe that his monetary needs must be quite urgent!"

Normally Scarlett would have decided that Mrs. Butler was being unfairly partial to her eldest child. But she didn't feel this way now. During the course of the evening she had noted a few points about Mrs. Butler's character that couldn't very well be ignored. Mrs. Butler was an avid listener, just like Rhett. She could listen actively to anything without losing patience and she didn't douse it all with feelings of piety or goodness like Melly. And she possessed Rhett's sense of humor. There was always a double edge to her compliments that Scarlett grew wary of.

"Rhett will help this family, as he has always done." Mrs. Butler rose up from her needlework and lifted a brightly colored box from the side table. She drew near Scarlett and gently slipped her hand under her chin. A kind old face with gentle eyes that crinkled pleasantly at the corners, peered into hers. "Lets put this unpleasantness behind us with some bon-bons!" She smiled and opened the box and there were rows of different chocolates inside. Scarlett acquiesced at once, feeling a little silly at first at being treated like a child who must be distracted to happiness with sweets. But as she selected her bon-bons, the endearing tenderness in the gesture tugged at her heartstrings and made her remember Ellen O Hara.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Rhett was leaving for the Charleston port just past midnight. Scarlett lay on her bed sleepily listening to his footsteps as he packed his bag and quietly instructing James to bring the carriage to the front gate. She heard a small whisper and saw that the single candle in the room had been blown out. Now she was in complete darkness save for the faint stream of moonlight that seemed to end behind the window pane. Long before the night had fallen, a sense of gloom had descended upon Scarlett. She had completely misunderstood Rhett's brother - thinking him to be a great gentleman when he had gone through all that rigmarole just to angle for a job. Scarlett despised the sister-in-law from the first moment when her eyes widened at Scarlett' low cut dress. Scarlett had seen that look before. It meant that she was not going to say a word just then but was eager to go home and dish out some juicy gossip about Rhett's wife. It didn't help matters when Rosemary told her that Judy Drayton was a close friend of the sister-in-law. Scarlett's hatred was complete.

In her drowsiness, Scarlett's thoughts wandered to Rhett and Mrs. Butler. She always knew there was something wrong with Rhett's arguments but she never could put her finger on it. And she always thought that it would take someone strong and willful to force him into submission. But here Mrs. Butler, with her soft voice and kind eyes had silenced him with a single quiet question. Scarlett marveled at this. She had always argued long and hard with Rhett and he'd always come out as the victor. Or worse yet, he would laugh that scornful, mocking laugh of his that would send angry tremors down Scarlett's spine.

And that letter! Scarlett snatched it from under her pillow and crushed it as soon as she entered the room. That was the Rhett of long, long ago and this evening, she had dressed so beautifully and had been so gay and charming. She was demure and kind and put her best effort to appear interested in the general conversation. And what had she got for her pains? An arrogant laugh and a remark that she would never change. In true bitterness, Scarlett threw the crushed ball of paper out of the window. Rhett would never be so kind and gentle to her. He didn't love her-

Didn't love her-

This thought changed to despair. What would she do without Rhett?

And Scarlett found herself running through the mist. There was such stillness all around her that the sound of her heart hammering within her chest seemed to fill her ears. A cold blanket of fear had descended upon her. Tears blurred her eyes and she was fleeing blindly for her life. Something was chasing her, taunting her. Something terrifying that threatened to swallow her up. It neared her, she could feel it. Her forehead creased and her eyes pinched tight. A strangled sob escaped her lips followed by another and another-

As she twisted and turned on her bed, Rhett came towards her. He slid his hand under the sheets and under her chemise. He firmly smoothed his hand over her stomach, a constant pressing movement. "Hush.. hush.." he whispered. Scarlett's writhing form seemed to relax under the warm pressure of his hand. The sobbing lessened and Scarlett stopped shaking. In her dreams, the mists faded and they seemed to take her fears with them. Her ragged breathing grew steady as sleep claimed her. Rhett sat at the edge of her bed, listening to her breathing. He straightened up when he heard the carriage outside. Noiselessly he left the room.

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><p>Scarlett was at Aunt Pauline's and she had been there for two weeks now. While her Aunt's house was not as comfortable as the Butler residence on the Battery, it was a decent little place nonetheless with a small well kept vegetable garden and four house servants to help the family. As Scarlett had expected, both Aunt Pauline and Uncle Carey seemed inclined to talk of the glorious days of the past and the proud Old South. What she couldn't stand was, they were still behaving as if they commanded forty servants and had acres of plantations to tend to. She was filled with contempt instantly. She thought them foolish and sentimental and couldn't wait to escape to the sanity of her own room. Then one day, the conversation floated to her own family back at Tara.<p>

Once Aunt Pauline started on a topic, she wouldn't drop it until she had exhausted every detail. So, she systematically inquired at length about the welfare of each and every person in Scarlett's family. When Scarlett confirmed that Careen had indeed joined the Charleston convent as a nun, Uncle Carey, who sat smoking on his armchair, looked up with a grunt. "So, another Robillard has decided to flee to a convent to forget the cruelties of the world. And this one had succeeded! Well, well Paulie, this must be a terrible defeat for you! Your papa would turn in his grave!"

Aunt Pauline squelched his laughter with an acid glare. But Scarlett grew alert.

"What does Uncle mean, Aunt Pauline?" she demanded at once. "Another Robillard fleeing to a convent- has someone else in the family wanted to become a nun?"

"Your Uncle likes to make coarse jokes" said Aunt Pauline, still directing fiery eyes across the room. "He loves to agonize me with tantalizing words!"

"Oh, never mind that, Aunty. Will you answer my question, please?!"

"Well,missy- you certainly raise your voice very well to your old Aunt-"

"Shall I tell her, Paulie?" chimed Uncle Carey, in false meekness. His eyes twinkled at Scarlett and she began to smile. The excitement of some hidden family secret gave her a sudden thrill! "Careen is at the convent and she is bound to know a few things by now, what with the unchanging atmosphere and people- somebody is bound to tell her-"

"Mr. Carey, would you kindly hold your peace!"

"Aunt Pauline, if you don't tell me right this minute, I shall scream!" cried Scarlett, her nerves set at the edge.

For a moment Aunt Pauline looked dumbstruck. She had heard of Scarlett's temper but this was the first time she was seeing it.

"Ah, Irish blood!" cheered Uncle Carey and quickly cast his eyes down to avoid further sharp words from Pauline.

"Well" hesitated Aunt Pauline. "It happened so many years ago that I guess there's no harm in saying anything now. Your Mother, Scarlett, was the Robillard who wanted to go to the Charleston convent after her beau Phillippe Robillard died in a bar-room brawl. But her father forbade it. He was Presbyterian, you see. The Robillards were the aristocrats of the Savannah and a Robillard becoming a Catholic nun was simply insupportable. So, the only other option your headstrong Mother gave her father was to allow her to marry Mr. Gerald O Hara, who was relatively unheard of in Georgia because of his... well.. little known lineage.. I don't know how she grit herself to manage that lonely cotton plantation at Tara! Well, things turned out all right in the end, didn't it?"

Scarlett did not reply. She was too stunned for words.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

When the first shock of her Mother's affair - _"Affair!"_ Scarlett couldn't even bring herself to think the word! She felt it was scandalous - heresy even! "Mother of God!" she exclaimed inwardly. When the first shock of the news had ebbed away, Scarlett was filled with a piercing disbelief. "It couldn't be true. This must be some awful lie!" Why, her own dear Mother - Ellen O Hara! Ellen O Hara who always moved with such quiet grace in her modest black taffeta gown! Ellen, whose soft, sweet words got more work done at Tara than Gerald's bellowing commands. Who.. who worked herself to weariness managing everything at Tara, seeing to the needs of the servants and even the neighbors-

"Mother of God!" she cried, this time so loudly that Aunt Pauline looked up with a start.

"Scarlett,dear-" she began, disapprovingly.

"Aunt Pauline, you must tell me more. Surely-" Scarlett's words failed her. She blinked earnestly from her Uncle to her Aunt. "-surely there is more to this story. H..how did Mother come to meet Phillippe Robillard?"

"Phillippe Robillard! _Phillippe_!"

Scarlett remembered! It was on the day she first arrived on that beat-down wagon, dragged by a wasted shell of a horse - with Melly, weary from childbirth, Wade, whining Prissy and the newborn little Beau. They had jounced all night and all day in the hot sun, journeyed without water or food until they finally arrived at Tara. And Scarlett had been so glad to see Gerald O Hara, even if he looked so old and so haunted. And then she had learned the reason why. Ellen O Hara had died just the day before and Gerald had never recovered from the shock. He still believed he heard her rustling skirts. That she was at the next room and that he must wait for her to come and decide what must be done. Scarlett remembered how she had faltered when she asked Mammy and Dilcey if her Mother had asked for her. If her Mother's dying words had been to call out to her eldest daughter, Scarlett O Hara. Mammy had been hesitant and fiercely rude to Dilcey. But Dilcey had boldly answered Scarlett's question. Yes, Ellen had indeed called out a name. She had sat up straight on her bed and called out "Phillippe! Phillippe!"

Scarlett remembered the bewilderment that rose along with her memory. Surely.. surely, that "Phillippe" couldn't have been Phillippe Robiilard. Because.. because if they were the same person, then.. then the story must be true!

Uncle Carey rose up and approached Scarlett. "Child, this is a tale of long time past. I was wrong to have brought it up. Its just that your Auntie was always bragging about the aristocratic lineage of the Robillards that I thought it fit to see her taken down a peg or two. Now, don't give another thought to this. It was all foolishness of long time past. Your dear Mother is dead now and it wouldn't do any good to rake up forgotten mistakes." He gazed pointedly at Aunt Pauline. "There! I hope you are satisfied, Paulie. That was as good an apology as any for my..er.. effrontery- He chucked lightly and left the house. Aunt Pauline stared after him, her face still black with fury. She turned to Scarlett and seeing the confusion on her face, she advised.

"You better go to bed, Scarlett. You don't look at all well."

* * *

><p>Scarlett was not well. Not because of the news of her Mother. But because she couldn't get further information from her tight-lipped Aunt Pauline! She tried everything - patient cajoling, hinting - nothing worked. Then Scarlett finally realized that Aunt Pauline had never really known her Mother's sweet nature and that she was highly ignorant of this entire affair save for the bare outline that she herself had first provided.<p>

Scarlett instantly dispatched a letter to Aunt Eulalie, dripping with sweetness and concern for her Aunt's health and happiness. This touched Aunt Eulalie so much that she wrote back immediately after saying that Scarlett must come and stay with her! This was invitation enough. Scarlett coldly showed the letter to Aunt Pauline and began to pack her bags. She was going to Aunt Eulalie's and she was not going to leave until she had further information on her Mother!

Scarlett began to feel great anger towards Rhett. When she had thought Ashley's love was the one pure and scared thing in her life, he had ruthlessly delved into her beautiful ideas, systematically breaking down her resolve and finally she had seen Ashley for the person he truly was. A man who lived in the present world abiding by the rules of the past. Scarlett could have never loved such a man! She now despised Ashley and was only kind to him for the sake of Beau. And now, having ruined her dreams of Ashley, Rhett seemed to have set his targets on her dear, kind Mother.

How fondly she adored Ellen! When Ellen closed her slanting black eyes, turned her face upward and spoke the praises of the Virgin Mary in soft contralto tones, her voice evoked such a presence in the room - the soft light, the hushed silence of reverence only interrupted by lines of the litany. Scarlett hadn't adored Mary, she had adored Ellen! Ellen was 'Health of the Sick' , 'Seat of Wisdom' , 'Refuge of Sinners' , 'Mystical Rose' -

Ellen was all these things!

Rhett never knew Ellen the way Scarlett knew her. He..he had never witnessed such a heavenly scene. If he had only witnessed it, he wouldn't challenge Scarlett the way he did. He wouldn't destroy the last pure and noble thing in Scarlett's life!

Scarlett swallowed her pain. It was no use. As much as she blamed Rhett, the ball was on the roll. Aunt Pauline let this fantastic story slip and it was up to Scarlett to get to the root of the matter. And she was determined not to lose any ground with Aunt Eulalie. She will be firm right from the start and she will get every little bit of information from her Aunt! As surely as her name is, Scarlett O Hara!


	20. Chapter 20

** Chapter 20**

Aunt Eulalie was at her gracious best when Scarlett stepped out of her carriage and entered the high imprisoning walls of the crumbling house on the Battery. Her Aunt had softened tremendously, seeing the warm courtesy in Scarlett's letter. The house had been repaired and Scarlett knew that this was because of the generous checks she had written to both her Aunts. But they would never appreciate it. It was just one of those obligatory duties of a niece to her Aunts.

Scarlett expected a barrage of point-blank questions regarding her Atlanta store and the mills. Rhett had been perverse enough to divulge several unsavory details of her "soiling her hands" in trade. But no such questions came. Scarlett was vaguely disappointed. So, she herself went on to explain that she had given up both the store and the mills. This pleased her Aunt tremendously.

"Well, you mustn't let your daughter's sad demise hurt you any more, dear" she said, eagerly. "Now that you've sold your store, why don't you move here to Charleston? During his last visit, Captain Butler was most concerned for your health and safety. His handsome dark eyes grew dim with such sorrow. How your actions must have hurt him! And we could give him no excuses on your behalf and it embarrassed us! We are responsible for your behavior too-"

Scarlett bore all this with remarkable patience. At the first real chance she had, she quickly interrupted her Aunt with the recent happenings at Aunt Pauline's. This produced a remarkable effect on Aunt Eulalie. She straightened up at once in shock. "Well well ,I must say, it was most imprudent of Pauline to have spoken of Phillippe Robillard! Most imprudent indeed!" She clicked her tongue and looked distressed. As an afterthought she added, "And now your dear sister had joined the convent, hasn't she?"

Scarlett pretended to be very upset. "If.. if you could only be so kind as to elaborate on how all this came about, Aunt Eulalie, I would put it all behind me and be at peace. Aunt Pauline's words were so abrupt and crisp. Surely that is not enough to understand-"

Now Aunt Eulalie looked dismayed. "But, that's all there is, Scarlett dear. Your Mother was forbidden to marry Phillippe for he was a renegade. He was the black sheep of the Robillard family and Father knew that to marry him was to invite dishonor upon the family. You Mother took this in very poor taste. And we couldn't allow her to join the convent-"

"Why not?"

"My dear!" , cried Aunt Eulalie, outraged. "It is not necessary for a woman of aristocratic lineage to join a convent. They have other women of lesser births to do that. Why, a woman went to a convent to forget the world. Why should a Robillard forget the world? And such a fine, royal world with so many servants and such luxuries!Your Mother was a pretty girl and she was fifteen when she fell in love with Phillippe. I ask you, what girl of fifteen would harbor such ardent love for a man that his death should send her spiraling to the protective cocoon of a convent? I..I believe your Mother purposely wanted to go against her Father's authority on the matter. He wouldn't have allowed her to marry that wild rogue and it was all for her good. I believe he was right in driving Phillippe away. He was not to be received by any of the Robillard families. And finally, where did he die? In a saloon! and how? In a drunken brawl!"

Aunt Eulalie's face twisted in bitterness as she spoke the words.

"Your headstrong Mother, unsatisfied with having hurt her Father, proceeded to hurt him further by isolating herself at Tara." Aunt Eulalie's quivering voice ebbed away. She bit her lips thin and tight. Scarlett had seen this look before on Aunt Pauline's face. She knew she had reached her limit of questioning. No amount of exhortation would revel further secrets about her Mother.

"There was one Sister Mary Clarence who was the same age as your Mother. She was a Catholic girl and she was your Mother's great friend when she was a young girl. She became a nun around the time your Mother left for Tara with Mr. O Hara. You might run into her when you visit your dear sister at the Charleston convent-"

* * *

><p>Rosemary accompanied Scarlett to the Charleston convent. When Scarlett had expressed her intentions of visiting Careen and Sister Clarence, Rosemary had been the one to speak to the Abbess of the convent and get her permission to see them.<p>

Scarlett could hardly recognize Careen as she approached them from the far corner of the chapel where she had been praying. Her habit skirt looked most unflattering giving her a large shapeless form. A pure white neckerchief covered up to her chin and there was a black cord around her neck which bore a wooden cross. Not one wisp of hair was to be seen for it was all concealed tightly under her black and white cap. Her face looked docile and gentle as ever but there was a distant, unworldly look in her eyes that disturbed Scarlett.

Careen kissed Scarlett and sat down beside her. Careen spoke at length about her orderly, prayerful life at the convent. About her life of happy servitude to God and to men. As she spoke, Scarlett felt as if she were listening to a much older woman than herself and not to a young girl in her early twenties. She said as much to Rosemary when Careen had left.

"I never understood why she wanted to live in this convent in the first place" remarked Scarlett, curiously running her eyes over the ancient buildings and chapel of the Charleston convent. "Perhaps she did love Brent Tarleton and perhaps his death did have an effect on her. But, goodness, she was only fifteen! What could a girl of fifteen know of love? And now to lock herself away like this.. losing touch with reality! If I were in her place it would drive me insane!"

Rosemary looked thoughtful.

"No, Scarlett. I understand this because I see it this way. Your sister was indeed young when she loved her beau. And now that he is dead, she prays for his soul in Purgatory. Now, if she weren't in a convent, she would have to marry some other man and she would be expected to have many children - at least four or five."

"Yes, that's right" agreed Scarlett, with a nod. "Careen could have done that. It makes much more common sense!"

"It makes sense to you Scarlett because you are so full of good sense! Your sister is different. She doesn't appear to have gotten over her beau's death even now! Don't you see? By joining the convent, she is freed of being shackled to another man and of the responsibilities of a wife. She is free to pursue her own interests, serving God and saying prayers are one thing. But there is also activities like teaching, visiting and caring for orphans, widows and elderly people and studying texts- A woman can pursue an intellectual direction in a convent as well - if she had the money for it."

"I do send her some money-"

"Then she has the money for it. She will belong to her beau forever and she is free from the obligations of marrying another man and from being isolated as a spinster otherwise- To be a Catholic nun is respectable ,honorable and very much acceptable in our society-"

Scarlett's knitted brows cleared with understanding. Why, of course, how very clever! She gazed in admiration at Rosemary's depth of knowing people. "But.. but she looks different somehow. You have never seen Careen before,Rosemary. She is such a delicate little thing, rosy cheeks and skin, whiter than mine. She still looks that way but something seems to have changed-"

"The light has gone out of her eyes" mused Rosemary, softly.

"What?"

"Oh, Scarlett, I've seen such faces before. I'm sure you've seen them too. Faces with eyes that have lost their glow, lips would never smile those warm and affectionate smiles except out of formality, voices that would never ring with spontaneity or giggle with pleasure-"

As she spoke the words, a shiver ran down Scarlett's spine. She remembered seeing such a face. It was the face of her Mother. Careen was starting to look like her Mother, so gentle and so kind but devoid of humor and that warm glow of passionate love.

"Just like Mother"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

As the afternoon progressed, Sister Mary, finally freed from her duties was able to spare a few moments to talk to Scarlett and Rosemary. She was a much more open person who had a very lively face and fine witty eyes. She looked quite youthful for her age, which Scarlett guessed must be around the late-forties. When she came closer, Scarlett drew back with surprise for she smelled of the same lemon verbena sachet that her Mother wore so often.

"Ellen's eldest daughter!", she exclaimed, upon the introduction. "Such a blessing it is to see you, Miss. O Hara. And your dear Sister is here as well? Oh, Sister Caroline Irene O Hara, yes, yes.. I met her a few times during the masses." She gazed happily at Scarlett. "Such a pleasure to meet you!"

Sister Mary needed no promptings to get her talking of the old days with Ellen. She knew Ellen very well. They were almost neighbors at the Savannah although Mary came from a much more ordinary family. She had two brothers before her and two sisters after - a middle child and she and Ellen had been good friends."

"She was such a high-spirited person and so vivacious!" she said with a reminiscent smile. "Her Father was a proud, strict man who wanted his daughters to be little ladies. But your Mother was quite a rebel! She never could stand her sisters and instead sought out her school friends and friends from the neighborhood. And when she dropped by for a visit, she could stay up all night and whisper the silliest secrets about her beaus. She had a melodious laugh and she could make the girls peal out with laughter as well!"

* * *

><p>That evening at the Butler residence, Mrs. Butler and Rosemary Butler had gone out to a cultural concert organized by their Church. They pressed Scarlett to accompany them but Scarlett was out of sorts for any enjoyment just then. After her tete-a-tete with Sister Mary Clarence, Scarlett felt withdrawn and confused. She needed to be alone. And she intended to be alone. So, while the servants were busying themselves in the large kitchen, she pulled a rocking chair close to the widest window that afforded the best view of the green swaying trees. She began to rock herself. Her eyes closed and she felt the salty breeze from the sea caressing her face. Her thoughts turned invariably to Ellen O Hara.<p>

Sister Mary Clarence hadn't heard of Phillippe Robillard. No, Ellen had never mentioned him at all. Sister Mary had known that Ellen had many beaus during her ages of fourteen and fifteen and when they had met at various house parties, Ellen had shared several stories of them all. But a serious romance? No, Sister Mary wasn't sure. Ellen never had any serious romance in her young age of fifteen. She had never said a word!

By now, that vague disturbing feeling that seized Scarlett the moment she really sat up and noticed the change in Careen, was progressing into an eerie, depressing gloom. Careen felt that she could never really love another man and had chosen to live a life of servitude at a convent. Her Mother wanted to do the same but she had been forbidden by her family who refused to support her as a nun. So, Ellen had chosen the only other alternative of marrying Gerald O Hara and moving to Tara.

But..

Scarlett's heart began to flutter. Ellen couldn't have loved Gerald O Hara. She only married him because she couldn't live at the convent. And even though she was the mistress at a cotton plantation at Tara, she spoke and behaved like a convent nun. Her endless needlework and knitting, making clothes for the blacks and tending to the sick ones among them, delivering babies and calling on poor neighbors, reading prayers from her Prayer book and uttering endless prayers with her rosary beads. Even that lemon verbena sachet! Just like Sister Mary Clarence. She couldn't wear a black cape and habit, so she wore black taffeta dresses. Ellen O Hara had lived out her days at Tara by holding the outer semblance of a plantation owner's wife and all the while enacted the role of a devoted Catholic nun!

The thought fascinated Scarlett. It made her dizzy for a spell and she rocked herself again.

Ellen couldn't have really loved Gerald O Hara.

Scarlett 's lips quivered as another horrible truth struck her. She couldn't have really loved her children as well. As a dignified, graceful, orderly Mother, yes. But as a warmly affectionate, teasing, humorous Mother, no.

"Act like a little lady, dear" Scarlett had heard this so many times during her childhood. And what difference had there been when she herself had ordered Wade to "Act like a little man" ? Ellen had been gentle and insistent, Scarlett had been forceful and frightening. But the intention was the same. In both cases, the child was expected to behave and not be a constant head-ache. Scarlett's face twisted with pain. But the road to ladyhood had been so hard. She had to be demure and giddy, soft-spoken and controlled.. it was all so very difficult and useless! And she had to hide her real high-spirited self. She knew her Mother could shame her to tears with just one reproachful glance and so, she always hid her Irish temper and put on her sweetest face for her Mother. She had pretended to be the child her Mother expected her to be and hid her true self for fear that it would bring shame.

When she was her true self, she could run as fast as the little black boys, throw rocks as well as any of them, climb trees and escape from the trickiest of situations. She could be sharp-witted and intelligent. But her attempts to impress the gentlemen only made her Mother comment that she was putting herself "forward" and that gentlemen don't really like "forward girls". Forward girls never made good wives.

How gently Ellen made Scarlett grow ashamed of her true self. Scarlett's eyes twitched as a tumult of thoughts began to flow and overlap like the waves of a turbulent sea. She remembered all those times when she had run into her Mother's arms for comfort. Why, she had done so for all the wrong reasons. She needed comfort when she first heard the news of Ashley intending to marry that mealy-mouthed Melanie Hamilton. And the times before that, when her neighbors called her "fast" and the other girls rejected her from their company. Those were the times when Scarlett had been hurt and she had wanted to be consoled so badly. But Ellen was not there for her. She couldn't even confess such things to Ellen for fear that it would bring shame. Instead, Ellen rushed to her side to comfort her over the death of Charles Hamilton - a man for whom she had no feelings of love. What was the use of that? Ellen never understood Scarlett - never tried to. She only made all three daughters follow the traditional ways of the aristocratic Robillards. To be little ladies and to marry into noble families.

Scarlett wondered if her Mother ever knew any of her three children. Did Mother suspect at all of Scarlett's own high-spirited nature or of Suellen's constant anxiety to be attractive or of Careen's overly shy nature? She might have, if she spared time for her children. But she was always so busy and so tired from managing everything at Tara. Just like how Scarlett couldn't spare time for Ella and Wade because she was so busy and so tired from managing the mills and the store. She had never loved Ella or Wade. If she did, she would have tried to understand them and not force them to meet her own absurd expectations.

With a sob, she realized that her Mother had never truly loved her. That's why tears had been so difficult upon hearing her Mother's death. She put off her pain for tomorrow but she had wept inconsolably for her red-faced, loud-mouthed, hot-tempered father. Gerald O Hara knew her true self and he was proud of her. And when he died, Scarlett had cried for him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

It slowly dawned on Scarlett that she had been defensive about the impulsive, aggressive streak in her character, when she really didn't have to at all. During all those times when Rhett had called her unladylike, shrewd, selfish, unscrupulous, she should have just shrugged or laughed his jibes away. Instead, she had allowed herself to grow ruffled and had tried to unsuccessfully defend herself and her actions. Exactly what had she done wrong that she should spit and claw like a cat when Rhett taunted her?

When the war arrived at Atlanta, she had been the only one beside Melanie and she had bravely delivered Melanie's new born baby. And after the war, on the ruined acres of Tara when everyone had looked to her for guidance and strength, Scarlett had brought food, clothing and money into the family. She fought tooth and nail for that three hundred dollars for taxes and wore herself out managing the mills and the store. Could any other woman have pulled such a feat? So, why should she defend herself? Why couldn't she have just laughed and poked fun at Rhett?

Rhett had said earlier that perhaps her Mother was the reason why Scarlett could not have known the true tenderness of love.

She wondered about this for several moments, watching the idle swaying of the leaves in the breeze.

Then all those memories with Rhett came flooding into her mind.

The moment when he had first called her "Darling". That was when she was in tears, desperate to reach Tara and her Mother. She had been scared out of her wits by the cannon fire and the reddening Atlanta sky. "The Yankees were coming!" and she had to get out to Tara even if it meant facing Sherman's army! And when Rhett had refused, she had beat her fists upon him and cried in hysteria. And then he had been so tender and kind. She could have stayed in his arms forever but the very next moment, when she was a little consoled, he made that barb about her "fainting" and "need for smelling salts" and Scarlett had switched back to her strong-willed self.

The moment when he had first kissed her. She was in such confusion, her emotions running high for Rhett was leaving her to face the Yankees alone! In that moment when her mind was straining to wrap around the cold reality of his desertion, he had taken her into his arms and kissed her. And then he had left.

The moment when he kissed her again. She had been tipsy from brandy and wailing over her guilty hand in Frank's death. He had proposed to her and kissed her furiously when her thoughts wavered to Ashley. Again, she had been unprepared and shocked. He had taken her by surprise. And the very next moment, he had left abruptly. And he had said the most rude things - that she was getting her paws on his money and that she was putting on virginal airs- Scarlett had ignored such remarks before. But they were starting to sting now.

And again, the moment when he had madly made love to her. Then too, she was shaking with embarrassment from attending Melanie Wilkes's reception. And after cornering her and breaking down her resolve, he had kissed her savagely and carried her upstairs. The next morning when she was so happy and thrilled by the happenings of the night, he had been so nasty and so mocking.

And how could this man claim that he knew of love? Does love imply taking advantage of a woman when she is at her most vulnerable state and mocking her when she was happy again?

And if Scarlett should not be defensive about her shrewd, calculative nature that actually served to highlight her intelligent mind, then where was she going wrong?

And pat came the answer.

Scarlett had been insensitive. So grossly insensitive! That was her one and only fault. She had been insensitive to everyone and everything except her own needs and ambitions. That's why she had never understood anyone at all. And how did she grow so insensitive?

Scarlett realized with a cry that she had begun to change in her struggling days at Tara. That one year when they had starved everyday and worked to the bone at the cotton fields. The days when she wore Mammy's washed out bonnet and walked into the red dirt with pebbles in her shoes and blisters on her feet. Those were the days when she decided to throw off gentleness and kindness. She wanted to get work done out of the blacks and she knew only one way to do it. Her Mother could have never accomplished what she had done. And if her Mother had lived and loved her, she would have been so proud!

And Scarlett suddenly stiffened and sat up straight.

Rhett! He was to blame!

She smiled in wonder. He was to blame for the entire thing. The hardening of her character. The irreversible insensitivity.

She remembered Grandma Fontaine's words.

_"Child, it's a very bad thing for a woman to face the worst that can happen to her, because after she's faced the worst, she can't ever really fear anything again. And it's very bad for a woman not to be afraid of something... God intended woman to be timid, frightened creatures and there's something unnatural about a woman who isn't afraid-"_

She had been so very afraid on the night they fled from Atlanta and Rhett had left her to face the worst. And she was never the same again. She didn't fear anything after that. She didn't fear not loving her children, not loving Rhett. She didn't fear when he drank himself silly. When he slurred in his speech and had to be put to bed. She was grossly insensitive and it all started the day Rhett left her alone at Rough and Ready.

Scarlett's eyes grew narrow and cold. She knew Rhett would return from England in another month's time. And this time, she knew who she was and what she was capable of. And that gave her a sudden strength to hold her temper in check.

And she knew what questions to ask of Rhett.


	23. Chapter 23

During that one month before Rhett could return to Charleston, Scarlett went through a barrage of emotions - deep sadness that would make her peck at her food and declare that she wasn't really all that hungry, swift surging spells of anger that stiffened her back and filled her eyes with such green, blazing light. And as mysteriously as the anger came, it ebbed away, leaving Scarlett drained. Sometimes Rosemary found her seeking the loneliest corners of the house in such a queer, reflective mood. Mrs. Butler and Rosemary took her out to several house parties and bazaars, hoping to distract her to cheerfulness. Scarlett had seemed such a gay person when she first came to their home. But it was no use. There was some growing strain of thought that was sapping Scarlett's energies and numbing her senses. And until Rhett came back, they couldn't find out what it could possibly be.

Scarlett herself didn't realize how much she had changed. She was far too preoccupied with making sense of her standpoint with Rhett. She argued long and hard with him in her mind, phrasing and re-phrasing her sentences. Her mood changed with every heated recital. Her body grew stiff and taut like a rope that's been stretched too long. Her lips pursed to thin lines with no humor in them. There was such coldness in her face that she looked and felt unkind. It was this coldness that she saw in the mirror when she wore her diamond earbobs that made her rethink her much-awaited encounter with Rhett. She studied herself long and hard. She looked cruel and she felt cruel. Perhaps it wasn't worth it. Perhaps if she opened her mouth with a sneer, she would never stem the torrent of anger against Rhett. And perhaps.. perhaps she would hurt him. Scarlett knew he would arrive soon and she was leaving for Atlanta early next morning. Her face looked grim. No, she wouldn't confront him. She would play off the evening as if nothing had changed and escape to Atlanta. Of course she would be cool to Rhett. But she would never let him know how much she had changed. She never could trust her temper and she knew that she would hurt him. So, keeping a code of silence, she finished putting on her jewellery and pleased with the effect, went downstairs to await Rhett's arrival.

* * *

><p>Rhett came back with presents for everyone. But he reserved the most expensive gift for Scarlett. It was a beautiful cochineal-dyed shawl, embroidered at the fringes in traditional English design. He threw a careless glance in her direction, knowing full well that her green eyes would turn greener with the excitement of owning something new. But for once he was surprised. "What is it? Do you hate the color?"<p>

"Oh, It's all right." dismissed Scarlett, rising at once form her chair and walking away from him. She gazed at the folded shawl in her hands and glumly fingered the embroidery. Rhett's eyes followed her for a moment and then dropped their gaze. He proceeded to entertain the family with tales from his trip and this went on as the warm afternoon progressed into a pleasant evening with a chill breeze from the sea.

At the supper table, Scarlett hardly spoke a word and hardly ate the little that was on her plate.

"Perhaps it is the strain of the sea voyage ahead." offered Mrs. Butler, kindly. "Poor child. I too despise sea voyages. I don't know how Rhett can survive on those long travels of his - being thrown to and fro across the slippery deck upon choppy waters! Goodness! It gives me shivers just to think of it!"

* * *

><p>Supper was long since over and Scarlett only had a few hours to while away before she could get to bed. She heard voices from the parlor room and guessed that the family must have moved there for another long chat. "Good, they won't take notice of me. Not until they've exhausted every precious detail of Rhett's trip to England!" She pushed open the library door and crept inside. There was a warm blaze going in the furnace and a huge high-backed chair in front of it. The scene looked so inviting that Scarlett went over at once and sank down into the depths of the warm, velvety cushions. A smile was on her face at last and she sat still watching the crackle of the dancing flames.<p>

Scarlett didn't know how long she sat there, basking in the warmth of the fire. Her cheeks regained a rosy glow and her eyes drooped heavily for want of sleep. She could still hear the voices through the door. Goodness, were they still talking? Did no one miss her at all? She vaguely wondered what time it was and as she wondered, her eyelids fluttered shut and refused to open again.

* * *

><p>"So there you are!"<p>

Scarlett jumped violently and dragged herself up from her slouching pose. She found herself face to face with Rhett who was peering at her with some amusement in his silk dressing gown. Scarlett embarrassedly brushed back her stray locks of hair and mumbled, "I.. I came in here because the room was nice and warm and I guess I must have fallen asleep-"

"It is past midnight and everyone is asleep. I thought you had gone sleep-walking." Rhett's eyes frowned on the carpeted floor. "And is this any way to treat the present I just gave you?." The shawl was lying in a bundled heap at Scarlett's feet. "It must have dropped from my hands" said Scarlett, simply. She rose up and began to walk to the door. "I'm terribly tired and I think I'll go upstairs to bed-"

"Am I now so repulsive that you find it necessary to flee from my presence and avoid all small talk?" asked Rhett, teasingly. He flopped down on a nearby chair and stretched his long legs towards the fire. "And not even a word of thanks for the shawl. You must be very bitter from your visits to your Aunts."

"It isn't that." replied Scarlett as she lingered uncertainly at the doorway.

"Then what is it? Your eyes were knives and daggers throughout this charming evening. Could it be possible that the truth of your Mother's affair with Phillippe Robbilard has had such a profound effect on you that it has robbed you of both spirit and charm? Is so, I am truly sorry to have dragged you all this way to Charleston-"

Scarlett's eyes narrowed. She closed the library door and walked back to her comfortable chair. "Well, if you must know, I did learn from Aunt Pauline and Aunt Eulalie that my Mother had loved Phillippe Robillard when she was fifteen years old. And when he died, she was so heartbroken that she wanted to join a convent.. just like Careen. And the family refused to support her, she went on and married my Father."

"I had learnt as much" drawled Rhett, reaching out for his cigar case and striking a match on his heel. He leaned back and began to smoke. His eyes were fixated on Scarlett. "So, what now, Mrs. Butler?"

Scarlett's hands involuntarily dug into the velvety arms of the chair. Her eyes noted the nonchalant, blank look on Rhett's face. Before, whenever Scarlett had something important to tell, she would wait for cues from Rhett. Would he smile at her? Would he look at her with a patient gaze? Or would he be as hateful as ever? Right now, decided Scarlett, he looked quite hateful. Leaning back into his chair and smoking his cigar as if everything was right with the world when it wasn't. Everything wasn't right in her world! And suddenly she decided to go on with the thing. She would let him know exactly what was on her mind that depraved her spirit and her charm.

"Rhett, I realize now that maybe you were right about my Mother. If she did love her cousin so much, then she couldn't really have loved my father. And she couldn't really have understood him or her daughters. And while I did think a lot over these lines, I do not blame her as much as.. as.."

Rhett's eyebrows rose up in mock anxiety.

Scarlett churned her words, unable to speak. It had been so easy to rehearse the thing in her head. Why was she finding everything so difficult now? Scarlett breathed hard and decided never to break her direct gaze. No, she wasn't going to be put off by Rhett's cold manners. She wouldn't hem and haw like a child waiting to be prompted.

"Rhett, I now see that we are indeed alike. I am as shrewd as you. I too am unscrupulous and I don't really care if the world goes to pot as long as I am safe and comfortable. We both are renegades and we have survived. As you said, we are indeed meant for each other. But somewhere in our marriage, you had changed, hadn't you? And you left me behind-"

A flicker of light gleamed in Rhett's eyes for just a moment. She had his attention now and she knew it. She had to go on.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Let me tell you a story, Rhett. A story of a girl, barely nineteen years old, waiting white and tensed for that heartening sound of hoof steps just outside her Aunt Pittypat's house. Oh, I know I am making it sound all dramatic. But you like a little drama, don't you? I like it too. We have laughed together during so many plays in New Orleans... So, if you can manage to listen to me without interrupting, I'm sure I'll make it worth your while-" Scarlett, satisfied that she had quenched the sardonic smile that was forming on Rhett's lips, continued to speak.

"I knew.. she knew that the man coming to save her was a strong man, a smart man.. smarter than all the gentlemen she knew in her lifetime and he would definitely bring a horse and carriage and take her away to safety.. to Tara. Tara was the only safe place she'd ever known and she was worried sick about her Mother who might be dying of typhoid. And the man did come and she was so glad he could take charge and her what to do. She was scared to death. She was so cold and she was shivering all the way. Atlanta was collapsing around her, the skies were red and burning, flames leaped from buildings and the Yankees were coming!

Scarlett breathed hard as she refreshed her memories.

"And they set off, not in a carriage but in a wagon that looked like it would fall into pieces at the slightest jerk. Several times, as they rode down the dark forbidding roads and passed through the flames, the girl thanked the Heavens for the comforting presence of the man beside her. She leaned close to him feeling the hard reassuring muscles of his arms and knew she could depend upon him to take her and the others past the Yankee army."

Scarlett's face twisted suddenly. She unflinchingly met Rhett's dark eyes.

"But as they reached the turn to Tara, the man betrayed her-"

"Betrayal, darling? Now you _are_ being dramatic- and it isn't becoming-"

"You betrayed me. I was afraid and there was Melanie, weak from childbirth, little bawling Wade, scatter-brained Prissy and a squalling baby and you chose that moment to declare that some strange wisp of Southern sentimentality still lurked in you and that it was mysteriously forcing you to join the last hour for the Cause- Oh, don't bother to interrupt, Rhett. You told me that you were sentimental and I now understand that this idea of marching off to the army probably hit you when you saw that young boy collapsing ignominiously on the ground and being hauled up to his feet by those older men. I remember the change in your face although its taken me years to give any importance to it. You were probably ashamed that you were sitting, stout and healthy, while the other menfolk, young and old were wearily rambling together for one last hopeless fight. And so you summoned your chivalry and stomped off into the night. Oh, but I needed you, Rhett. I didn't bring extra blankets or food or water because I thought you were going to stay by my side and see this thing through-"

Scarlett's voice trembled.

"I thought you leaving us was some horrible joke. It couldn't be true. You couldn't really be leaving us-"

"I knew you would survive-"

""You knew I would survive" be damned to you!" cried Scarlett, in gathering fury. Her fingers dug deeper into the velvet and her eyes danced with malice. "I survived all right. But my heart hardened because I saw the worst. And you made me see it, Rhett!"

By now any trace of mockery had left Rhett's face. He stared at her through glassy eyes, conveying no emotion. Scarlett decided that even if he should hold out his hand and try to stop her, she would continue. She did not loathe to speak her mind anymore.

"Did you know Rhett that when I first approached Tara, my Father came out to meet me and there was such a queer expression on his face. Like a lost child waiting for the familiar comfort of a mother's arms. Ellen was dead and her body buried in a shallow grave. And the girls were rolling with typhoid and the servants were confused.. They all seemed to look to me. "We're hungry, Miss. Scarlett" they said, unanimously and unrelentingly. And I -" Scarlett's voice shook at the words. "-I was the most frightened one of the lot! I was so afraid but I couldn't show that fear. Because unlike them, I knew that if we looked back upon our past glory, our rich red acres of Tara and the luxuries of being in a plantation owner's family.. I knew that if I did that, I would probably curl up in grief and resign my fate to death. I couldn't do that. I couldn't let anyone else do that either. Not my family. We weren't going to look back. We were going to get through this and we were going to come out strong. And so I hid my fears because if I showed my emotions just like everybody else, then they wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't command respect. They wouldn't listen- The world had changed, Rhett. It was no longer the gentle, orderly world that my Mother knew and loved but a hard, cruel world where only back-breaking work, pure meanness and cunning would give some hope to survive. So, I hardened my heart a little and I became the head of the O Hara family."

"And then one day, a Yankee deserter rode up on his horse to loot from the house. I shot him, just a few meters away - a bullet wound that tore right through his face to the back of his head. And I was thrilled. I relished the taste of revenge for Tara and my family. And my heart hardened a little more. And now that we had the horse, I could ride up to the Fontaines. Grandma Fontaine was the one who scornfully retorted that the daughters of gentility were not above a little work in the cotton fields. I put the servants to work not listening to their moans that they were house servants and not field hands. I worked long and hard in the sun and my heart hardened a little more- And just when we had a little food and a little money, a passel of thieving Yankees threatened us. They came to strip search the house for hidden valuables and they set fire to Tara. I beat out the flames, Rhett. I stood alone in frightening fumes of smoke and uselessly waved a wet rug against the racing lines of flame. Everyone had fled to the swamp and left me behind. I was flattered. They took me to be strong and by God, I was going to be strong. I would have succumbed to the fire if Melly hadn't come along when she did and helped douse out the flames. And this ordeal hardened my heart a little more."

Scarlett frowned a little. "Everything that followed after that, Rhett - Pork stealing from poor neighbors, my efforts to convince Melanie to stop catering to the army survivors, my underhanded plot to trick you in jail- everything after that- I never felt the slightest pang of conscience. Because by then I had completely discarded gentleness, kindness, patience and empathy. As you once said, I brought my boat to the shore by discarding these values. Oh, I don't deny that you were trying you best to kindle my conscience. But by then it was too late. Nothing you could say would make me go back against hiring Johnny Gallagher and his passel of convicts or.. or.. taking the buggy out that night across shanty town. There was a long grueling road ahead to secure safety and happiness for my family and only I was strong enough to travel that road. It was all up to me and my stony little heart. You knew as much when you married me, didn't you? You burned with love for me but you couldn't let it show for I didn't feel a thing for you. That was why your kisses were so mocking, so insulting- you hated my bull-headedness and you thought you could make me care-"

"Darling, I knew that you had changed" spoke up Rhett, a faint tremor in his voice. "I had said as much, didn't I? I understood your struggle - I gave all my money to help you go back to your carefree self before the war and poverty had worked their cruel ways on you-"

"Oh, you gave your money all right. I wanted money but I sure as hell didn't need money- I didn't need money any more than I needed to go dancing at the Atlanta Bazaar just the year after Charles's death. You could have ignored me altogether or advised me not to make myself so conspicuous before the gossiping matrons. You could have taught me the value of keeping a good reputation. I would have resisted you at first, mocked you even - but I would have understood in time. I would have respected you for your decisions. But no. You left all the decisions up to me. You gave me so much money, I ran around making a fool of myself, thinking I was making the Old Guard green with jealousy when all the time I was sinking further and further in shame. And even when you did say no, oh, what strange, incomprehensible fights we had! You would be so sardonic and insulting that I wouldn't understand a word of what you were saying. If you had spoken plainer, chastised me in a kinder way, I would have understood you. "

Scarlett balled her hands to fists.

"I couldn't let you know that I was afraid. I couldn't let you see that I was weak and silly. Because if you did, you wouldn't listen to me and I couldn't let that happen!" Scarlett laughed suddenly. A haunted laugh devoid of happiness. "It seems silly, doesn't it? Why should I still be afraid of losing control? Why should I still keep up my strength and strong-will? The days of survival had passed and we had come out the victors! Tara was safe now and the girls were healthy and happy. Melanie and Ashley had their own house and I had my mills and the store and a great big house at Atlanta. But I couldn't change back- I was still going ridiculously strong and oh so insensitive-"

Scarlett peered curiously at Rhett. "You were insensitive as well, weren't you Rhett? You drank like a fish, played poker with your Yankee friends, gave bribes and went to that Wattling woman's whore-house. But all that changed when Bonnie was born, didn't it?"

Rhett's face grew white now as if he already knew what she was going to say. His hand dropped to the side and some cigarette ash fell to the floor.

"The world had changed again when Bonnie was born. I had ruined my chances with Wade and Ella. But I could have learnt some sensitivity from Bonnie. If she loved you so dearly and if you could give up your drunken ways for her, I.. I could have done the same-"

Scarlett's voice trembled now. Sudden tears welled up to the brim of her eyes but she forced them back. She wouldn't shed a tear - not one tear.

"What a fool I was. I went around giving my love to people who never understood me. To people who would never love me back. I cared for Ashley but he only saw me as a headstrong, beautiful thing and not as a person who had a lifetime of faults and failures concealed. Melly loved me but she could never really step out of her lady-like ways. Most of the times I thought her silly and stupid and I would have continued thinking that way if she had lived on for fifty years. You said you loved me, but darling, did you ever sincerely tell me those words? They were always mingled with mockery. You were so afraid that I would laugh at you- what if I did? Why should that hurt you so?"

Scarlett's eyes burned into Rhett. "It was because that Charleston belle jilted your affections, wasn't it?"

Rhett threw the cigar into the fire and wrenched Scarlett's arm in a tight hold. "How did-"

"Oh yes, I know all about that!" cried Scarlett, fiercely. "I saw a letter of yours, written so many years ago- You grew insensitive towards women after that rejection so much so that you went running behind whores-"

"Yes, I did, damn you!" seethed Rhett, in sudden fury. His eyes began to flash queerly and the grip on her arm grew extremely tight and painful. Scarlett winced hard but continued,

"You pathetic coward! You were rejected once and you set up defenses against women forever. I have been jilted so many times. Brent declared love for me and yet he went on to love Careen during the furlough. Stuart courted India and ..and Ashley? Oh, that was the biggest trickery of all! He loved Melanie - thin, washed out Melanie who could give him only one child. Your worshipping lines of love had as much effect as my fluttering lids and swaying hips-"

"What if I am a coward?!" cried Rhett, in an unnatural tone of voice. "I admitted it as much, didn't I?!"

"Your biggest act of cowardice was taking Bonnie away from me! How wonderful it must have felt to have her chubby little hands around your neck and her lips smothering your drink-hardened face with innocent kisses. How lovely it must have felt to hug her tight ..to..to protect her when she cried from her nightmares and know that she trusted you with her whole heart, to take her out horse-riding and to make her laugh, to hear her say that she loved her Daddy the best in the world- to finally have a love so pure and white to heal the blackness in your heart. My heart was just as black as yours!" Scarlett shook away Rhett's hand and began to sob forlornly. "I could have used some of Bonnie's love and you knew it. I would have struggled to show Bonnie any tenderness but you could have helped me. But no! You cruel beast! From the very beginning you made Bonnie see that you were the all caring, all providing parent. You ignored me and you allowed her to ignore me. And while I, like the fool that I was, sat around playing whist with my trashy friends and making money for security, you took Bonnie everywhere with you. You loved her and she loved you for what you were. You began changing then and you were getting over your insensitivity. You were starting to really enjoy your life - you stopped your drinking, you took up a job, even went to Church- You grew respectable and all those people who had distanced you as a scoundrel and a Scalawag were now listening to you. And it was all because of Bonnie." Scarlett looked up, her eyes wild and blazing. "I could have used her love, Rhett. But you left me behind. And you did it on purpose, you coward!"

"Scarlett, please-", began Rhett, his anger drained from his face.

Scarlett fled away from her chair as if she were fleeing from a poisonous snake. She stumbled across a stout writing desk and she slipped behind it. Her heart beat fast and hard and her voice rose to a pleading wail. "Even once when you were playing with Bonnie, even once, if you had shown some kindness to me- if you had called me once to join you.. I.. I would have laughed at first but I would have learnt to love eventually. I could have never broken her spirit. That was a lie! She was a wild thing, so fearless and confident - She had your spirit too! You could have shared Bonnie with me-"

Scarlett began to sob inconsolably. Her shoulders rose and fell in rapid succession. Rhett rose at once form his chair and sought her out in the dim light.

"Don't you dare come near me!", screamed Scarlett, her lips curling with scorn. Her eyes were swollen and hard like emeralds. The flames from the furnace threw terrific dancing shadows on her disheveled form. "Don't you dare put your arms around me and comfort me, you conceited fool! I don't want to be kissed when I am vulnerable and forgotten when I am happy-"

The words cut through Rhett like ice. He stood rooted in his footsteps, stunned.

"You could have told Bonnie that her mother would like to tell her fairy stories, that her mother would like some kisses too. But like the monster of selfishness that you are, you filled Bonnie's world so that all her love was first and foremost for you. And you changed. But I never did. You left me behind! I was still Scarlett O Hara, working hard in the cotton fields, eating corn and dried peas- " Scarlett's voice faltered again. She almost sounded like a haunted spirit. "And when Bonnie died-"

"Scarlett!"

"When my baby died, you said she took everything. But she didn't. She gave you the strength to face your troubled past at Charleston. She gave you the strength to patch things up with your family and friends. You changed, Rhett and you left me behind."

"Scarlett, don't go on with this" pleaded Rhett, advancing towards her once again.

"I hadn't changed and for the love of God, I didn't even know where to start. I was still so foolishly.. pathetically..afraid to let my guard down. I still couldn't let anyone know what a frightened little girl I was. I still hesitated - even when I confessed my love to you - there were so many things I wanted to say.. so many kind and tender things, but I couldn't. My heart was still hard and so, so afraid. You took away the only chance I had- I.. I couldn't even get back my reputation with my family or friends- So, your revenge for my hard little heart that hurt yours so many times was finally complete."

Scarlett edged away from Rhett's hands. She was shaking and shivering with emotion. Her strength was fading and her voice fell to a cursing whisper that was more frightening than her screams. There was such eerie sadness in her eyes.

"Ashley didn't love me, so he never could hurt me. But you loved me and you hurt me. You stayed right next to me, all those five faithful years... and you hurt me- and for all the pain you caused me I hope you die miserable and alone-"

Rhett's hand came forcefully upon Scarlett's mouth. She tried to struggle but he had pinned her other hand to the wall. His grip pinched her mouth cruelly and his heavy form caused her shoulders to ache. "Don't speak another word!" he warned, a strange choking sound in his voice. "I couldn't bear it!" Suddenly his shoulders began to shake and the dark eyes that bored into hers glimmered with tears. Scarlett's hands grew like ice. Her eyes widened in horror and she stared at him ,her own sorrows forgotten, her own tears drying up on her cheeks. Rhett released his hold on Scarlett and stumbled back uncertainly into the desk and it gave way with a loud groan. The horrible choking sound never stopped and Scarlett slammed a hand to her forehead. _"What have I done?!"_


	25. Chapter 25

**Dear readers, thank you so much for your kind reviews. And thanks also for being so patient with my story because I took a long time to come to the conversation between Scarlett and Rhett. For me that was everything and I had to build up to it very slowly. Thanks for your patience :) **

**Keep Reading! :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

Scarlett's hands began to tremble. "What have I done?!" she gasped, this time out loud. She couldn't believe the sight before her eyes. She never dreamed that Rhett Butler would actually cry in front of her. Or in front of anyone for that matter. But Scarlett could not know the torrent of tears that Rhett had shed when he first heard the news from Melanie that his wife had recovered from her dreadful fall down the staircase. She could not have known that he had clutched Melanie in a frantic clasp, buried his head in the folds of her skirt and brokenly made the most terrible accusations about himself. She could not have seen him deride himself, calling himself a dog and an insane drunkard for hurting Scarlett and forcing himself upon her. But unlike Melanie who saw Rhett's tears similar to a sick child who must be humored, unlike Melanie who comforted Rhett but stayed annoyingly true to her ladylike notions of life and love, Scarlett saw with shrewd practicality the exact reason why Rhett was crying. She had gone and hurt his pride. And as Mammy had said once before, Captain Rhett Butler was a very proud man. She found it fantastic even as she thought along these lines. Rhett Butler, the powerfully built man who stood a head taller than every other gentleman in a room, who took such morbid pleasure in expertly exposing the hypocrisy in others, the famous, daring sea captain who made a million during the blockades, the man who shot first before asking questions and had killed three men! This was the man she had gone and hurt and now he stood before her completely broken. A new rush of fear choked Scarlett and accepting responsibility for her words, she stumbled up to him.

"Rhett, I've gone and hurt your pride, haven't I?" she cried, reaching up and lacing her arms about his neck. She pressed his head to her shoulders and realized for a fleeting moment how heavy he was against her lithe frame. "Oh darling, don't cry..." She vaguely caressed the back of his head, her eyes fixated on the crackling flames in the furnace. His sobbing seemed to rend her heart. "Rhett, you.. you remember Melly's party? That night when you forced me to wear that low cut dress with that embarrassingly huge bustle of pink velvet flowers. You made me wear more rouge than I wanted to so that I'd look the part of a.. a.. deceiver. Well, honey, that hurt my pride. I looked like a damn fool, walking into that friendly, conservative party, wearing my gown and showing more of my figure than I wished to. And standing between Melly and Ashley! By God, I thought I should die than face such shame again! There was Melly, looking so sweet and happy in her high collared, long-sleeved gray taffeta and Ashley, in his usual gentlemanly attire and me , looking so ostentatious and seductive... Everyone who would have come to that party would have wondered why I'd dressed like that. And..and after that nightmare reception, you wouldn't even allow me to escape to my bed even though you could see that I was shaking all over. You forced me to listen to you recapturing the entire awful evening, laughing at my folly for running after Ashley - You bullied me and you hurt my pride again and again.. But Rhett, I changed after that. That was when I first started losing interest in Ashley. I couldn't help seeing him as a bit of a coward for hiding behind Melly's skirts and playing the part of a perfect gentleman in the entire matter."

Scarlett pushed Rhett back and took his face in her hands."And.. and if I could forgive you for hurting my pride-" she coaxed, gently."-then..then you could forgive me too, couldn't you, darling?"

Scarlett pulled on Rhett's arm and led him to the armchair by the fireplace. She sat him down and sat herself half-across the wide arm-rest so that she was a head taller than Rhett. She pulled his head to her chest and gently smoothed his hair. "Goodness, I always thought that it was duplicity on the part of gentleman to keep the most comfortable armchairs in the library. I honestly think they do it so that they can pretend they are reading and really actually drop off to sleep!" Scarlett laughed at her own wit and peeped down at Rhett, hoping to get some reaction out of him. His sobs had seized but he was very quiet. She laid her head on his and gripped him tight. Her face became serious. "Oh Rhett, there's going to be no more foolishness between us. I love you and you don't have to go running off to whore-houses or shooting people with your pistol or..or.. go off to those dirty,old saloons and come back all drunk and silly anymore. I won't allow it! No more of all that and I..I'm going to stay by your side and take care of you. I'll take care of you and keep you safe.. I'll cook for you, I'll see that you wear warm clothes and look after you.." In a flash of inspiration, Scarlett added, ".. for as long as we both shall live. And.. and.."

Scarlett heard Rhett drawing a sharp breath as she said the words and before she could react, he lifted his head and dug his arms around her such that she slipped from the armrest and onto his lap. He swiftly pushed back the tumbling locks on her startled face and kissed her deeply.

When he finally released her, Scarlett saw that while there were still a few tears in his dark eyes, there was such a warmth of gratitude lighting up his face. "You would do all that for me, Scarlett?" he asked, in eager longing. Scarlett was suddenly taken aback by the innocence in his tone. The last time she had spoken this way to a man was with Ashley. She had vowed that she would give him children, cook for him, groom his horse and polish his boots. And how had Ashley replied? Ashley had gone on to prattle confusing things about duty and honor. There was no practicality in him! And here was Rhett, sardonic, nonchalant Rhett looking like a child who had just received his birthday present. Scarlett wondered how she had ever misunderstood Rhett. She should have suspected from the start that there was a vulnerable soul behind that coarse exterior. "Of course I would, sweetheart" she said, blushing suddenly and terrifically. Her shyness puzzled her. On a silly whim to look nonchalant, she began fussing for a handkerchief. "Oh dear, you are wearing a dressing gown and I..I don't have a handkerchief on me. I don't know why I always forget to carry one.." A faint look of amusement entered Rhett's face for he knew she was trying to cover up her feelings. But he didn't say a word. Even he didn't want to spoil the moment. Then Scarlett finally resorted to rubbing her fingers across his eyes. "There.. there, now." she soothed, kindly. "Everything's all right, isn't it? Everything's all right.." There was a new tenderness in Scarlett's voice which she secretly found very pleasing. Then the awful realization hit her that she was terribly relieved that Rhett hadn't spoken a single sarcastic word against her outburst. She never could have borne it. Thankfully she buried her head into his chest. She must have said the right things to have completely silenced Rhett on the matter.

"I always knew that you were the right woman for me,Scarlett" said Rhett, gently, after a long pause. Scarlett smiled but she didn't reply. She sat very still, listening to his heartbeat. Then she began to speak,

"Rhett, I understood why I was always trying to bait the beaus of other girls. India harbored feelings for Stuart and Careen liked Brent but was too much of a lady to let him know. Well, I took them both away because if they declared they'd loved me, I'd have won and if they didn't.. then I'd just excuse it all, saying they were after all "tied" to India and Careen. I'd win either way. And even with Ashley. I always soothed my pride by saying that he had married Melanie for honor's sake and that if he had been a free man, he would have married me. My vanity was always safe. You said once that I was unendurably uppity-"

Scarlett looked up at Rhett from her comfortable pose. "You know Rhett, you really were the only man to ruffle my feathers. I couldn't stand your jeering eyes, your mocking tone and your overly solicitous manners. They annoyed me more than anything in the world! You saw right through everything I did. Ha, I once told Caro.. I think it was at the barbeque at Twelve Oaks.. you were standing at the foot of the stairs and staring at me.. and I told her that you looked at me like you knew what I looked like without my shimmy-"

Rhett began to shake with laughter at this. It seemed to amuse him very much. Scarlett smiled as well. She pulled herself up and continued, "I guess I said that because we both were alike and we couldn't fool each other.. I mean, you couldn't really look at me and know what I'd look like without my shimmy-"

"Well-" drawled Rhett, pulling down the corners of his lips in mock apology. Scarlett's eyes widened at the gleam in his eyes. "Oh, Rhett Butler, you _are_ a varmint!" she cried, in unbelief. He laughed out and she flopped into him again. "But Rhett, I always wondered - whatever made you come back? I tried everything to make you stay with me the day Melly died and you had made up your mind so firmly against tears and against reason. I never thought you would come back the way you did. So, why did you,Rhett?"


	26. Chapter 26

**This has been a tricky chapter for me to write and I hope my readers find it realistic enough to accept it and enjoy it. Thank you for the reviews. Keep reading! :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

Rhett hooked a finger under Scarlett's chin and peered intently into her eyes. He began to chuckle to himself. Scarlett pricked up at once. "What is it? What have I said that you find so amusing?" she demanded.

"Oh,my dear, you are such an innocent child. I thought you would have figured it out by now. But apparently you haven't- If you didn't understand why I came back, then you wouldn't have understood why I left."

Scarlett gazed at him, a little lost for she had always blamed herself for losing Rhett. He had said that he didn't love her anymore and that it had all been her fault. That she had ruined it all. And she had unquestioningly assumed the same. She waited in silence for his next words.

"I left because I was convinced that you were going to divorce me and marry Ashley-"

"But I told you I didn't love him-" cried Scarlett, aghast.

Rhett only chuckled again. "Come, come.. Scarlett, how is that possible? Until the day of Miss. Melly's death, you gave a very good impression that you loved Ashley. I was packing my bags as soon as I left you at Ashley's home. I wanted the divorce to be as undramatic as possible. I hated the Atlanta house anyway and Bonnie was dead. There was nothing to keep me to you. And I knew that you would marry Ashley in a few months time- that's why I said that your lack of good reputation, lack of moral obligation to the Church.. all those piddling little details that would keep anybody down, wouldn't contain you. You were beyond all that and people would hardly think worse of you if you divorced me on Monday and married Ashley on Tuesday-And then suddenly if you rush home, muddied and winded and start declaring your love for me, what was I to think? How was I to believe you? My pride was hurt and I decided to go on with my plans as if nothing had mattered anymore." Rhett shrugged lightly. "I was very surprised when I didn't get a letter for a divorce. I was waiting for it all these five months. And then I found out through your Aunt Pittypat that you had gone away to Tara and buried yourself there for five months with no contact from anyone including Ashley. Only that gave me the some strength to seek you out again."

"But then-", blinked Scarlett, in complete surprise. "Wha- what of all this about my Mother and her being in love with her cousin- I thought-"

"Oh darling, that story helped me understand you better. I never understood why you found Ashley so desirable. Or more to the point, I never understood how Ashley had managed to attract you." Rhett's eyes sparked with sudden animosity that frightened Scarlett. "He was always a threat to me. I was always an outsider to the mystifying, "pure" relationship between you and Ashley. And there was nothing I could do about it."

Scarlett saw Rhett clenching his hands to fists but still didn't understand the venom in his words.

"It was the one thing that puzzled me about you. You may have been right about your intentions in stealing away other beaus. That is, to protect your vanity. But not so with Ashley. You had a strong emotional connection to Ashley- the impression he had made on you since your childhood that made you unashamedly cling to him even after he got married and had a child-" Rhett observed the blush on Scarlett's face and knew that he was right. He continued, "I thought of your parents. Your Mother came from the aristocratic Robillards who were the crème of society. Your Father was more of a self-made man who depended upon his gambling skills more than any intellectual pursuits to acquire his farm and relied largely upon his wife to manage it for him. And I thought perhaps your Father's pride in your Mother's gentility gave you some hints that marital bliss lay in finding the perfect gentleman to be your own beau and husband. If so, then Ashley would definitely fit that mold. But I never suspected of a lack of passion from your Mother because I had never met her. If I had met her only once, I would have understood the actual shallow martial relationship between her and Mr. O Hara. But I couldn't know it. At least not until I heard the story that Mrs. O Hara had formerly fallen in love with the blacksheep of her family- And then I knew that the romantic illusions given to you were flawed."

"Oh Rhett, Ashley always looked like he moved in an inner world that was more beautiful than reality. I wanted him so badly even though I thought half the things he was saying were extremely boring." Now Scarlett remembered. "Rhett, I kept asking him if he loved me and to say so and he would always talk of impractical things. That made me conclude that it was honor that kept him to Melanie. I couldn't see anything attractive or alluring in her. She was so plain. And finally on the day of her death, he spoke plainly for the first time. He said that Melanie was the only dream he ever had. You can imagine how much that broke my heart. I realized that I had been played for a fool and thanked the Heavens that Melly hadn't suspected a thing-"

"You never told me this" cried Rhett, in sudden ferocity. He shook her once and the tremor in his hands frightened her. His dark eyes seemed to snap in mysterious fury."You little fool, you should have told me this before. Instead, you went on babbling about how sorry you were. Your desperation and tears threw me off even more!"

"I didn't know this was important" replied Scarlett, simply.

Rhett shook his head. "Oh, what a fine mess we are!" He shifted Scarlett onto one knee and reached for another cigar. "Then I was a fool to be insanely jealous of Ashley- Scarlett you really don't know anything at all about men's natures. Let me ask you something. During that party at Twelve Oaks, the day when I first met you, you were showing more of your lovely white skin than all the other ladies and if I remember correctly, you were enjoying yourself, weren't you?"

"Well, yes I suppose-" admitted Scarlett, cautiously. She wondered if there would be a baiting question in Rhett's tone. She was going to be careful just the same. She wasn't going to speak unkind things just then and spoil everything.

"Then why should you find it incredible that men would get attracted to your lovely white skin and not to you?! You think that only I am the man who could imagine what you looked like without your shimmy. Well, my dear, I bet every man, including the honorable Ashley Wilkes could! But I would probably be the only man ill-bred enough to admit it openly. By God, you look surprised even now. All right, let me ask you this, forget everything that Ashley Wilkes "told" you at Twelve Oaks when you told him that you loved him. Instead, what did he look like? What did his eyes tell you?"

Scarlett thought for a moment. Frankly she found it quite a strain to think of Ashley, especially his words and face. But apparently it was important to Rhett. After a long pause, she answered,

"He looked like Pa when his pet hunter had broken his leg and he had to shoot him. But I don't see what-"

Rhett seized at her words triumphantly. "Ashley Wilkes looked that way because he had purposely made you keep up your stupid illusion of him so that he could steal those moments with you, relishing your soft white hands, your red lips, your green eyes...you were his pet hunter.. But he never realized that you would actually make a declaration- he never dreamed you would. Then he had to shoot you down with his chivalry. That's why all that his talk about you having a "passion for life" was pure rubbish. The fool admired you for your beauty and nothing else! He knew that you would never make him feel like a God than Miss. Melly did. He knew that after you'd married him, your romantic illusion would fade away after a single night of passion and then you would mock him and bring him to his knees. He knew that! By God, if I were in his place, I would have spoken plainly right then and there. That I didn't love you and you must not see me again. As simple as that! But no! He being the perfect gentlemen-"

Rhett broke away in anger.

"Its this gentlemen breed that made me hate Charleston. Remember one thing, Scarlett.. everyone, whether gentlemen or not, have primitive feelings of anger, jealousy, lust, greed... and gentlemen and gentlewomen won't show it. Always remember that. I understood this very early in life when... when that Charleston girl.. when she ominously rejected my advances on the advice of her gentlemanly brother who kindly nudged her to marry a much more decent man. And this decent man happened to have a healthy bank account and own several acres of land in and around Charleston. Compared to him, I didn't have much money. Naturally I lost. I would have accepted this if she had come right out and said that she was marrying for money. But no, she had to drag it on, talking of honor and duty-"

"-just like Ashley"

"That's right. I fell for it too, my dear and that was the most vulnerable period of my life. I had fallen for a girl who had a cold, calculating mind and hid it all under her gentility. I began to distrust women after that. But I learnt a bigger lesson with Miss. Drayton who I took buggy riding late in the afternoon. I was still pining away for my lost love and this girl did everything to attract me to her. Just to make light of her silly affections, I humored her and took her along. The buggy happened to break down and the horse did run away. And this girl quoted my off-handed comments in just the right combination such that her family grew outraged. They thought I had taken her or something and I defended myself. I said I never did any such thing and that I wouldn't marry that fool for all the money in the world! My father saw this as a fine opportunity to drive me away from his house and all of Charleston."

Rhett ran his hand on the side of Scarlett's face. "We both are outcasts, darling. We both made impulsive mistakes and fell into that little spot in society where culture and tradition were most cruel to us. You married that Charles Hamilton and when he died, you became a young widow. And you had known the man for only two months. Common sense dictates that your mourning should also be only for two months. But instead, everyone mercilessly subjected you to the sorry plight of widowhood. To be ostracized from parties and friends. Until Miss. Drayton, I played a keen game with my Father. He could never catch me on anything because I was so clever in defending my case. I got some money out of him and I played poker when he wasn't around. I could get myself out of scrapes and he was waiting for a chance for me to slip up. That chance came with a woman and I distrusted women even more after that- I understood women to be silly and unpredictable." Rhett took Scarlett's hand and held it to his face.

Rhett sighed now and looked at Scarlett directly in the eye. "And that was when I thought it would be better to know women without the emotional entanglements. I give no excuses for this. I did enjoy going to whore-houses. It's not something that a man has to give a lot of thought to. He just finds an attractive woman and takes her and then walks away as if it had all been a dream." Rhett hurried on, noting the hurt on Scarlett's face. Scarlett herself was surprised. She never would have been hurt before. It seemed to her that she grasped the gravity of his nature only then. "I got to know Belle and a few of the other girls. Even then, I learnt a deeper lesson about the unpredictability in women. I told you about that girl in New Orleans, didn't I? The one that tried to abort her own baby. Scarlett, you don't know what that did to me. I watched her, bleeding all over the floor. Something had gone terribly wrong and before the doctor could get to her, she was dead. I thought all women to be foolish and dangerous. Scarlett, darling, you must know what it is like? To live on one's own wit and skill, without a single penny, without any support from family- I survived because I counted on the evil in others around me. I found it exhilarating. I found I could predict people faster by seeing the evil and hypocrisy in them. And I saw the evil in women too. I knew which women were fool enough to allow themselves to be taken and which ones were greedy enough to demand more money for their services. I too hardened my heart-"


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_"Everyone, gentlemen or not, harbor primitive feelings of anger, jealousy, lust, greed... and gentlemen and gentlewomen won't show it." _

Rhett smiled a wry smile to himself. "These feelings ran high when I first came to Twelve Oaks. I was fully prepared to hear gallant speeches from ignorant, pompous fools about how the Confederacy would beat the Yankees back to the North. In other words, I was fully prepared to be bored out of my wits- until I saw you." A faint gleam flickered in Rhett's eyes.

"What a curious sight you were, Scarlett." Rhett chuckled once and took a long puff of cigar smoke. "Your tiny sleeves pulled down to reveal more of your bosom than you ought to at the tender age of sixteen was the first sight to attract my attention. All the other girls were covered up in dull modesty. You were so gay and devilishly charming and your intentions were very clear. You wanted to be the belle of the barbeque and that was that. No pretty sentiments, no disguised feelings. I watched you with a passion. You seemed too good to be true! Not only had you won the heart of every man in the Hall but you didn't care that you did as well. There was a strong strain of contempt in your coquetry- as if these men were somehow setting the stage for you to hook some bigger object of attraction. I tell you,Scarlett, I never enjoyed myself more than watching all this drama! Imagine my thrill when I realized that you had your guns trained upon Ashley Wilkes, who was already engaged to Miss. Melanie Hamilton! It was all too amusing and became very real when I inadvertently overheard your declaration down at the library. It was an education to me. It opened my eyes to the possibility of a delicately nurtured Southern belle possessing enough spirit to speak her mind and speak the truth! Those stinging swear words and the crash of china on the marble mantelpiece." Rhett laughed again. "Those still remain my fondest memories!"

"Oh, Rhett" interrupted Scarlett, in mute irritation. "What good does it possibly do to talk of all this?"

"Don't you understand, Scarlett- There I was, an outcast for my bold, frank ideas and I was all alone in my stand. And then you came along- you didn't know me but I thought I had known you forever."

Scarlett drew a sharp breath. She peered intently into Rhett's eyes.

"You satisfied my idea of a real woman- a woman who possessed the gumption, same as I did, who didn't care about social conventions or about pretty ideas of lady hood, who saw what she wanted and knocked over whatever stood in her way. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone. You made me feel as if I had found a home and I loved you."

Rhett turned his eyes away from Scarlett and gazed at the burning flames. "But after that evening, common sense seized hold of me. I couldn't lose my head over another girl. Not after everything that's happened! I wasn't the same young man who had courted so sincerely in Charleston. I had changed. I was stronger and I knew the evil in women. I knew the evil in you. I couldn't fall in love with you- So, I went away and the next time I saw you was at that Atlanta Bazaar. Scarlett, I know now that you hate me for making you conspicuous, for drawing you out with the one hundred and fifty dollars in gold. I did it for selfish reasons. While I felt like an outcast and at home with you, you were an outcast but you weren't at home with me. I had to force you to cling to me and only to me. And that is why I did it. I bid for you and I got you. You, the young widow of Charles Hamilton, were in my arms, dancing every reel and waltz as if you were a belle again. I made you repulsive to every worthy matron present and attractive to me and me alone! I had you right where I wanted you- Now if you had any troubles, I knew you would have no hesitancy in sharing them with Rhett Butler. In short, you would be at my mercy-"

"It sounds so different the way you portray it-" said Scarlett, vexed. "You shouldn't have done it,Rhett. You should have come right out and been sincere-"

"I couldn't be" snapped Rhett, angrily. "Don't you see, Scarlett. Just as you couldn't soften your heart to be kind to Bonnie, I couldn't soften mine to be kind to you. I was always on the alert, waiting to see through any tricks you might have up your sleeve. When I was away from you, my mind lazily slid back to its hard earned lessons of bribery and deceit. I bribed you into coming quickly out of your widowhood with that lovely green bonnet, remember?"

"Yes, you told me so-"

"My dear, I used to do it all the time." Rhett gazed at her squarely and added, "-with other women."

Scarlett felt again the odd pang of hurt. But she didn't speak a word.

"And I learned that you still kindled a passion for Ashley Wilkes." Rhett began to look grim. "It wasn't your love for Ashley that bothered me one bit for I knew it was false right from the start. I knew you didn't see him for who he was for if you did, you wouldn't have liked him at all. But it was Ashley kissing you that bothered me. I had to know if he kissed you during the furlough." Rhett's eyes began to glitter once more with malice. "If he kissed you, then he was stepping out of his gentlemen boundaries for he was already married to the kind and gentle, Miss. Melanie Wilkes. If he kissed you once, he was liable to do it again. And as long as he kept stealing kisses from you, I knew that it would strengthen your attachment to him- This irked me, Scarlett.. more than you could ever ever know!" Rhett sighed softly to himself. "And Scarlett, these feelings were new to me. I hadn't felt such feelings for any woman for a long, long time and it frightened me. And again, the practices of the past suggested a finer solution to my woes. If you could become my mistress, then I would get over you and quickly enough to escape with my life!"

Scarlett straightened up on Rhett's knee in outrage. "You mean to tell me that- but.. you led me on to think that.. I..I had given you some strange encouragement-"

Rhett gazed at her apologetically. "It wasn't you, my dear. It was all me. I wanted you and I wondered if you would be my mistress. Usually once a man takes a woman, the illusion that makes her so desirable tends to fade away-"

"Why, you cad- you could have explained yourself-"

"But you made an admirable reply, darling. You told me that you would get nothing for it but a 'passel of brats'! I respected you for your frankness and I loved you all the more. I know I hadn't made it easy for you, Scarlett. But I couldn't change. Not at once anyway- Scarlett, I did care for you. I stayed back in Atlanta to witness the last dregs of the war and to keep an eye on you. When we were at the bend to Tara, I could have stayed with you and helped you reach home safely. Perhaps I would have lingered on until we became good friends and all that. But, I was in love with you. And you were in love with Ashley and I was never very good at facing my feelings. I preferred avoiding them altogether and the war seemed a much easier option than coming to Tara with you."

Rhett laid a warm hand on Scarlett's cheek. "It was a cowardly thing to do but chivalry is a fine escape for cowardliness. Chivalry causes a man to escape from unpleasant emotions and not bring dishonor upon himself at the same time. Besides, as you said, I did have sentimental reasons. The disappearance of the Old South, the battle lines reforming at Atlanta for one last stand, I felt I had to go- And perhaps that was a big mistake. You changed after your hardships at Tara and I'm sorry for it. But I did care, Scarlett. I cared enough to come back to Atlanta to risk seeing you. I had to know what happened to you. If you had survived the aftermath of the war - the starvation, the poverty, the disease. I got my answers when you visited me at the firehouse in your green velvet and seal muffs. And, well when you offered to be my mistress for three hundred dollars to save your precious red mud farm, two things stood out to the fore. That Ashley Wilkes was a fool to have sent you to me after knowing my bad reputation with women and that, for the first time in my life, I felt protective towards you- more than on the burning night at Rough and Ready- more than that. " Rhett's eyes glittered with a strange glow. "That's why, you remember, I asked you, if you would try your tricks on any other man for I knew that it wouldn't be long before you ensnared a man and wrung three hundred dollars out of him. God knows, you were determined enough to do it. I wouldn't have taken you, Scarlett. I loved you too much now."

"But Rhett, then you accompanied me, during the time when I was pregnant with Ella because you wanted to protect me- Why didn't you say it? I asked you so-"

"I couldn't. There was always Ashley. You stubbornly kept him under your wing when you knew that he was weak and useless. He should have been winnowed out in the changing world but no! You sheltered him and he grew dependent on you. Tell me, Scarlett, didn't he kiss you again after that? At Tara?" Rhett searched her eyes and found his answer. His hand fell resignedly to his side. "You see, I couldn't bear him kissing you! The only reason I was civil to him was for Miss. Melly's sake."

"But why should it bother you so?" cried Scarlett, uncomprehendingly.

"Oh Scarlett, you couldn't know-" A look that was beyond understanding came into Rhett's eyes. "You couldn't know how lovely you looked when you thought of him. The way your green eyes softened and grew misty, the soft curve of your lips, the sweetness that gave a rosy flush to your cheeks, the wondering innocence and strength at being able to throw your cares to the wind and show your heart in your eyes to a man who is already committed to another woman- I was right there with you, but you wouldn't look that way at me." Rhett's tone changed as if he was eager to hurry on. "I married you, knowing that you were still in love with Ashley and that you didn't care for me. I thought that if I gave you enough money and kept you well-fed and happy, your fascination with Ashley might fade away. But it never did. You still kept him at that lumber office and you dressed so well just to meet him."

Rhett took Scarlett's hands in his own. "And my jealousy and despair began to grow. I was drawn to you because I felt we were both renegades and outcasts, equally selfish and shrewd with the determination to survive. I felt at home with you because we were the same. But Scarlett, after we married, I began to fear that my illusion of you was beginning to fade. Perhaps, money was really the only thing that could keep you happy, perhaps you were indeed shallow and incapable of warm affection- I feared I had made a mistake all the time. You still maddeningly clung on to Ashley. You kept thinking of him, wishing he were holding you in his arms instead of me, you dressed so well to meet him and there was always that special glow that would never appear for me. Ashley was always a threat. He threatened my happiness and my hope that you and I belonged together." Rhett's hands tightened around Scarlett's. "Then one evening, what I feared, finally happened. Archie told me that they happened upon you in Ashley's arms-"

Scarlett's eyes grew pained.

"Perhaps I could have asked for an explanation. But I was already insane with jealousy and sick with the fear of being alone. This news only heightened those feelings. That Ashley Wilkes had touched you, even after you became Rhett Butler's wife threw me into a furious rage. I was going to make him look like a damn fool, if that was the last thing I did- I could be very dangerous to those who crossed me. And that's why I made you wear that low cut dress-"

"You mean that wasn't to bring shame on me-"

A cruel smile twisted Rhett's lips. "It was also to shame the god-like Ashley Wilkes. What pretty compliments he must have paid to your passion for life and your vibrant beauty. What he would have really liked to see was you exposing more of your lovely flesh and that was what I generously gave him. I gave him what he wanted to see. Only it was front of his own precious wife and his friends and family. I could endure a trollop but I couldn't endure a coward. The picture of him, squirming like a fool was priceless-"

"Rhett, stop!" cried Scarlett, unable to bear the vindictiveness in Rhett's voice.

"Well, he avoided you after that, didn't he? Why did he? Because he understood the threat to his precious honor should he ever touch Rhett Butler's wife again! But having done that, I went and got drunk - more drunk than I had ever gotten in my life. Why? Perhaps because I hated you for going into Ashley's arms or perhaps.. perhaps because I thought you deserved better - I blamed myself for being a dog and a cad. I was so unkind and impatient with your misadventures. Sometimes I blamed you but most of the times, I blamed myself. I tortured myself because I was still playing a losing battle with Ashley. I knew I would never win your heart or your mind. Perhaps this drove me to drink and I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you when you wouldn't back down even when I had you cornered-"

"Hurt me?" echoed Scarlett, staring with disbelief into his darkened face. "I don't understand-"

"When I carried you up the stairs to my room, I wanted to hurt you. And I did." Rhett took both her hands in his and kissed them. "And for that, I am truly sorry."

Scarlett looked nonplussed. If she had expected any form of apology from Rhett at all, it wasn't this. Her eye brows went up and she bit her lip. She had enjoyed that night and had replayed many of the moments several times in her head. And here was Rhett apologizing for hurting her. How was she to explain- Would it be right and ladylike to explain- Scarlett was torn between the desire to admit that he had not hurt her and that she had enjoyed everything. She wanted more moments like that when they finally slept together. But what would Rhett say? He would laugh at her and think her vulgar and coarse. But if she accepted that he had hurt her, then he would ever do it again! She quietly rose up and settled herself in the chair close by. It wouldn't do to sit on Rhett's lap and discuss such things. Oh dear- she had no idea where to begin.


	28. Chapter 28

**Dear readers, it was pretty tough to write from Rhett's point of view. But since I got so many nice reviews, I'm happy. Of course this is just fan-fiction and everybody has the right to their own ideas of how Rhett and Scarlett should reconcile or about their character explanations. I have no problems about that. I respect that. And there are many facets in Rhett's character which are mysterious to me as well. I can relate to Scarlett better :) So I kinda simplified everything and took Rhett's problems to come from sexual jealousy. He mentions Ashley so many times that I figured Ashley must be a real pain in his neck :P So, I went on from there. **

**Keep reading and reviewing! :) Thank you so much!**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Chapter 28<strong>**

For a long while, Scarlett remained silent and grave. Rhett threw a glance at her from time to time as he smoked his cigar. He saw the side of her head, her eyes slanting and unusually steady, looking deep into the fire as if mesmerized by its color and heat. Her fingernails tugged and clawed at the seams of the armrest. He had never seen her so pensive before. Suddenly his hand trembled and leaping to his feet and he pulled a hassock to Scarlett's chair and sat himself down. "I can't bear your silence" he said, tightly, half-chokingly. His eyes pierced into hers to read her thoughts and failed for the first time. He drew a sharp breath as if preparing himself for the worst. "If you are angry, speak your mind, Scarlett."

Scarlett drew her eyes away from the fire and the look that she gave him was strange. As if she had arrived at some mysterious conclusion and that it vaguely surprised her that her discoveries were a puzzlement to Rhett. She stared at him, enigmatically, almost stupidly. The face before her was white and strained. The eyes that pierced into hers were anxious and tense. She opened her mouth to speak and then hesitated. Her fingers dug deeper into the seams.

"Whatever it is, say it, damn you!" seethed Rhett, his frustration mounting every second.

"Rhett, I'm not angry with you" answered Scarlett at last.

"Then- you do forgive me?" he demanded, struggling to keep control. "You don't want to take back all the things you have said?"

"Oh never,darling!"

"Then why do you look at me that way?!" Rhett's arms gripped her shoulders painfully and he shook her. "Say what you mean, damn you! I've always told you that if there's one thing I appreciate in a woman, its frankness-"

"Then I shall be frank" broke out Scarlett, so loudly and so decisively that Rhett loosened his grip at once. There was a strange glint in her eye that he had never seen before. "If you can bear with me for a few moments and listen without interrupting, then I shall be more frank than I've ever been in my life!"

Scarlett took a deep breath and began to speak,

"The night I married Charles-" She paused and breathed deeply once more. By an effort she forced her voice to be steady and even. She began again, slowly and calmly, "The night I married Charles, I was in my bed and my head was still spinning from the horrors of my wedding. Suddenly there was Charles. He loomed up in a nightshirt that hardly covered his bare knees. He stood there, looking so red-faced and stupid - as if he expected me to burst into nervous, delighted giggles at his half-nakedness. Honey Wilkes would have done it. But I was no Honey Wilkes. The sight of him terrorized me, sickened me. I didn't love him and he thought I did. I didn't love him and he was going to get in bed with me! I couldn't let him. I couldn't even think of him as a friend. I hated and despised everything about him and if he should so much as lay one hand on my chemise and undo one button, I'd warned I'd scream the place down! I pulled my sheets up to my neck. To show a little of my bosom in flirtation was all right but to bare it all for this doe-eyed calf who looked so maddeningly soulful and could only to say "Mooo!" was too much to be borne! Everything was becoming so terribly real and frightful. My hysteric cries forced Charles to spend that night on a chair. The next night was Ashley's wedding night. I had wanted, I had begged God and Mother Mary for Ashley and now by some cruel twist of fate, another woman, so terribly boring and plain would be in his arms and enjoying his kisses.I cried bitterly at the unfairness of it all. My heart wrung itself, inside out. My eyes were hot and swollen and I didn't even notice Charles until he was right next to me, half-crouching on his knees and bleating out the insensible apologies. He said he wished he wasn't leaving so soon for the war, that he'd buy me a house and nice things.. I looked at him and past him, upset beyond words. He slipped a stiff arm about my shoulders and I was too tired to struggle. I had no other source of comfort. I was saddled in this awful marriage and nothing could be done about it. Besides, he didn't even notice that I was out of sorts for reasons of my own. That was comforting. He was just a body -a mindless, aggravating body, but in the end quite harmless. Just a chest to lean against and cry for Ashley. I could never lose myself for Charles. Goodness, I didn't even know how. I'd never "lost" myself for anyone, except perhaps I would- if Ashley wanted me to. And a night later, he began to make love. His fingers fumbled all over, like a giddy schoolboy who longs for a wild stallion and when he gets it, he doesn't know what to do with it. He kept saying I was beautiful but he didn't make me feel beautiful. He kept quoting love poems from texts written in Italy and Greece. If this was supposed to woo me or make everything enchanting, it didn't. Nothing made any sense and everything was awkward and exasperating. He'd try to climb on me and end up yanking my hair or numbing my legs. It was hard to stay patient in positions that were so uncomfortable and foolish. And if ever he bobbed his head up to my face and tried to kiss me, I'd return that kiss, desperately imagining his face to be Ashley's face. And as those two weeks dragged on by, I reconciled to marital absurdity. I just had to look pretty and that was enough. Charles would be all over me doing whatever he thought he wanted to do and I could sail away from reality to Ashley's arms. It was something every wife tolerated and for me, it was mercifully brief. Two weeks and he was gone."

Scarlett stole a glance at Rhett's face. His tension had lessened considerably and a new expression was forming over his face. Rhett had always cynically referred to Charles Hamilton as "her precious Charles" and he had rightly suspected that Charles was just a young boy who didn't know how to please a girl. But he was beginning to understand a little more now.

"And then I married Frank." continued Scarlett. "I didn't love him and I married him for three hundred dollars to save Tara from Jonas Wilkerson and for that store and lumber mill idea of his. But by marrying Frank, I had unwittingly exiled myself from Tara. I could never go there again and I was stuck with Frank and Pittypat and ton of hardwork to support everyone. But I had to do what I did to earn money and be a real lady. This thought alone kept me going through those "intimate" moments with Frank. Besides, Frank was just a timid old brown field rabbit. The kind that loves nibbling on the edges and runs away at the faintest "Boo!". Whenever it pleased me, I'd kiss him on his nose or ear and sit on his lap and tweak his beard. He seemed to like it and I left it best at that. I couldn't bear doing anything else to Frank! And I didn't want children at all. Frank was such an old maid, whenever he wanted to have his way with me, he'd look at me with reverence as if he were asking some great favor. He didn't know I could drift away from the reality of lovemaking into my own world with Ashley - a world where I rode down secret bridle paths with Ashley, ate fish-fries by the lake and laughed at Ashley's jokes and wondered how he could look so drowsy-eyed and handsome. Frank would get so protective that I could keep my gown on during the entire bout of foolishness. He didn't seem to mind that I closed my eyes all the time. I told him it was because I was shy but the truth is, the sight of him naked was revolting. Feeling him was bad enough, those prickly hairs rubbing into my skin, strange grunts and wheezes. I'd shut my eyes and think of Ashley! How I longed for Ashley! Everything I did was for him and he would never be mine."

Scarlett laughed lightly to herself.

"Sometimes I thought Frank was really slow to swallow all that flirtation I gave him. He seemed to puff up with pride and really believe that I was a silly, simple-minded pretty thing and that it was all up to him to protect me from the harsh realities of the world. In fact, every man I'd met seemed to puff up from my compliments and act real silly when I allowed them to kiss me. They didn't know me at all. I was a thing of mystery to them and it pleased me to be so. That is, until I met you."

Scarlett took Rhett's hands in hers. "Rhett, honestly, you were the last person in the world that I ever dreamed would want something more than flirtation. Why you were always so coolheaded and nonchalant as if nothing surprised you and that everything was boring and terribly dull. I hated the very sight of you. Besides as you put it, you made my life so easy and so much fun that I came to cling to you. But when you finally made that declaration of yours, I was stunned. I couldn't accept it because ... well.. while I was able to fool Charles and Frank during lovemaking, I wasn't so sure if I could fool you.. You always read me like a book and you wanted me to be frank when I didn't know how to be-I had never been-do you understand? I had never been frank..."

Scarlett pressed her fingers into Rhett's palms for emphasis. He looked at her, as if understanding her for the first time.

"I have never been frank and I've never had a friend. I thought I could be- only with Ashley, but.. but.. every time I'd say something of my fears or troubles, he'd start harping on how strong I was and how passionate I was for life - he'd start comparing himself to me, saying he could never survive the way I did and that he longed for the world that existed before the war began. He'd breeze over all my troubles and I'd be left without any consolation. I doubt if he could console anyone. And whenever I doubted him, the illusion I had framed during my childhood - that charming suit of clothes, riding on a horse like the wind - I'd take that illusion and put it on Ashley whether it suited him or not. And I'd continue to live with him in my dreams-"

"And then there you were, catching me at my worst, that time when I fainted at the fire house , or when I vomited in front of you, or when I was tipsy from brandy- I hated you for it because even if you were kind then, at all the other times, you were always so cynical and sarcastic- always so well-dressed and bursting with humor and charm! I longed to bring you to your knees and make you jump through hoops- Even when we were married, you were always nonchalant. You claimed to have a way with women but I never saw any of that during our intimate moments. But I enjoyed those nights, cuddling up to the black mat of your chest and listening to your wild stories. They were funny and exciting - everything about you was so very exciting. But you didn't seem excited by me."

"Scarlett, I-"

"And then Bonnie was born. From the very beginning, there was such a bond between you two. I envied it forever. She would gurgle and slobber all over your shirt and you'd never mind it. And you would speak all that baby-talk, a make funny faces at her even when visitors were at home. All those stunts you used to pull to get a laugh out of her. You were acting like a fool and enjoying it. I found it contemptible but there was also something so real and beautiful in it. I could never do that- never in my life.. and certainly never after everything that happened after the war- I could never romp around and be real light-hearted- But I would have liked to.. and the strange part was, the more vulnerable Bonnie was, the more vulnerable you became- I would have liked to make you vulnerable and tap your weakness.. but Bonnie did it better than me. She had you jumping through hoops, didn't she darling? And you enjoyed it."

"And finally that night after Melanie's party, Rhett, I never dreamed you'd want to make love to me. I never dreamed that I had hurt you when I suggested separate bedrooms. I regretted my words the moment I'd said them because I'd miss your stories and I'd miss your arms around me when I woke up from my nightmares. When you first pulled me into your arms and ran up the stairs, I was afraid for my life. You were so very drunk and brutal that I screamed in fear. But then you began kissing me, so completely and savagely. I was helpless in your arms and darling, for once in my life, I wanted to be. You were bullying and breaking me and I wanted you to - so badly. Maybe after seeing the bond between you and Bonnie, after seeing the shared silliness, I wanted to be silly and helpless too. And perhaps if I allowed myself to get bullied, you would too-"

"I thought I had forced you-" said Rhett, in genuine surprise. "I thought you despised me all the more after that. That's the reason I drew away from you after your rib fracture. I was hurting you too much and I thought I'd killed you. So, I decided to let things be. To cool off and show all my affections to Bonnie instead."

"No Rhett, I wanted you to bully me. And I wanted to bully you. You were bringing up Bonnie all wrong,Rhett. I mean, to pamper her is all right but she was getting out of hand. And if you allowed me to bully you, we could have worked something out together regarding her raising- well, that night-"

Scarlett's cheeks turned pink from memories.

"Rhett, you.. you pinned me to the bed and there was such brutal strength in your arms that even when you released me, I wouldn't dare escape for fear of what you would do to me if I should set one foot on the floor. And your hands were shaking when they undressed me- they shook so much that I feared you would tear the cotton to shreds. You were muttering things under your breath and when you finally flung my clothes away, your hands spread upon me with such warm vitality. I could imagine the rippling of hard muscles on your chest in the darkness and the ravenous gleam in your eyes. You were so huge and strong and I was shivering already. I..I thought you were about to have your way with me as you usually did. But you didn't. You.. you arched yourself beside me and threw one arm about my neck and over my breasts and your other hand parted my legs. I cried out in surprise for it had never happened quite that way before. Your hand was queerly gentle yet insistent, forcing a thousand tingling sensations -wild,thrilling sensations that seemed to erupt and scatter through my body. No man, not Charles nor Frank had ever given me any pleasure out of their lovemaking. And I never knew I could feel so alive! I shuddered with ecstasy and I couldn't wriggle out of your grasp. I didn't want to. My body curled and arched under your spell. I hunted for your lips and hungrily kissed you. Your brandy breath was hot and repulsive but I didn't care. I didn't care for the soft, swirling darkness had claimed me. I had to surrender. And there was such joy in surrender. My hands ran through your black hair and you lips were parting mine. Everything felt so primitive and wild. We were both breathing so hard and coiling into each other. And darling, from one peak of ecstasy to the next, how mercilessly you drove me on that night -Just when I'd recover, feeble and exhausted from one spell, you would cruelly begin again - each time a different dizzy,sweet torment, in a different position, but always bent on pleasuring me to madness-"

"I wanted to humble you, humiliate you- show you that you were human after all-"

"I'm glad that you did", replied Scarlett, simply. She gazed steadily at Rhett. The look of unwilling respect had come into his eyes. She had seen the same look before when he had first met Melly at the Atlanta Bazaar. But now he was looking that way at her.

"And somewhere during those frenzied moments when you buried your face between my legs or when your hands curved about my breasts or when you pushed my face lower down your body while my fingernails dug at your chest, I realized your weakness. I realized that you were just as vulnerable as me and I had finally made you lose yourself. You loved me. You loved me desperately! I could tell from your bruising kisses. I could tell from how at the slightest retreat on my part would cause you to spank me or wrench me into submission. You thundered like an angry bull and I'd come trembling back into your teasing hands once again. Perhaps you did want to hurt me or humiliate me, but you wanted me." said Scarlett, with wistful smile. "And darling, that was when I fell in love with you. You absolutely forbid me to sail away to my fantasies. You drew out my emotions and I wasn't afraid. I loved you and you wanted me. And you wanted me in a way that no other man, not even Ashley did. Even Ashley kissed me as if my lips were some forbidden pleasure - he never once thought of me- And, my baby, I felt it odd and bewildering that you should love me-"

Such a wave of tenderness flooded Rhett's face and he swiftly picked her up in his arms. Scarlett instantly threw both her arms around his neck and never broke her gaze. Rhett could sense a new strength in her. Just when he thought he had known everything there was to know about her. Oh, how wrong he had been!

"Oh, Scarlett, you deserve so much more-" he said, genuinely pitying and respecting her strange yet beautiful way of understanding the harm done to her. He had intended to hurt her and she had grown attached to him. Life was capable of giving such a strange twist to things!

"Yes I do", agreed Scarlett, with an impish smile. "And there is something else about me that you don't know, Rhett Butler!"

"I'm almost afraid to ask but...what is it?"

"I'm not the girl you think I am-"

"Oh?"

"Yes. I bet you never would have guessed. All these manners and ladylike gestures were my Mother's and Mammy's instructions. But what I really liked to do was play games with the black children, the rascally boys who grew up in and around Tara, throw stones and ride horses. I could climb trees as well as any boy-"

"No wonder you are not a lady."

"I am not a lady" giggled Scarlett, her eyes twinkling bright and green.

"But you know, darling..", said Rhett, peering strangely into her face. "I think you are. You are beginning to get the makings of a fine lady."

"And you know,Rhett.. you can't fool me like my little boy,Wade. You are going to have to be frank with me from now on!"

"I don't understand-"

"Remember when Wade asked you if you had been to war and got wounded and you lied and showed that knife wound that you got in California's gold fields? Well, Wade might believe you but you can't pull the same wool over my eyes. I want to know everything that you talk about with your blockade friends. I mean everything!"

"Everything?" asked Rhett, opening his eyes wide with exaggerated innocence.

"Yes, everything" said Scarlett, firmly. "I remember walking into your group in New Orleans and everyone would stop talking or change the subject as if a lady wasn't supposed to hear things like that. Well, I'm no lady and if we are going to be good, intimate friends, then you have to tell me everything about yourself as well!"

"Good Lord, what a firebrand I've married!", laughed Rhett, in disbelief. "She'll have me around her fingers in two seconds flat!"

"Well, you asked for it!"

"I certainly did."

"And I don't want to go to balls and theatres anymore either. I am fed up of putting on airs-"

Rhett silenced her with a kiss and carried her to the window seat. He sat down with her on his lap and his fingers knitted about her waist. He sighed,

"I always thought you were supremely confident in your beauty and charms. I never realized that you never got the intimacy you deserved. I've hinted at it and you had always brushed away my quips as if they meant nothing. But I have myself to blame there, I was never very down-to-earth around you. You have just the same fears and worries as I do- I shouldn't have taken Bonnie away the way I did. I was a fool to do it. You were right, Scarlett. My Bonnie gave me more strength than anyone ever did. And you should have shared in that too. I let all my jealousy cloud my thinking. I'll never do it again. " His lips brushed her hair and his hands gave her waist a tight squeeze. He began in his familiar coolheaded voice,"And now that you're done with all your talking, madam, you would be frightened to know that I've taken some of the things you've said to heart. Especially the part where you told me that I shouldn't have allowed you to make all the decisions. Well darling, I'm going to take some decisions now. I'm going to sell that Atlanta house and- don't you pout at me-"

"I'm not pouting. I think it's a fine idea", chimed Scarlett, eagerly.

"You do?"

"Oh yes. Could I possibly have a house like this?"

"Mother's house? This one- the one we are in, right now?"

"Yes. I've been everywhere and I found I liked it. Very much indeed!"

"Scarlett, then I've got the best idea yet. We'll sell that house and I'll buy some land just outside Atlanta, away from the crowds and closer to Tara. Somewhere in the middle and you shall have a simple house like this and rolling hills for a view. You can have all the dark pines you want and a lake and bridle paths-"

"Oh Rhett, that would be wonderful!"

"I would like it too. And darling I'm going to give you a large amount of cash. It could take me three months or more to wind up everything here at Charleston. And then there's that trip to Cuba I've been putting off. Well, I'll be in Atlanta in roughly three to four months time-"

"Oh good, that gives me time to wind up my affairs as well!" remarked Scarlett thoughtfully.

"Your affairs?" quizzed Rhett, his eyebrows shooting up to inquiring crescents.

"Oh, it's nothing for you to worry your dark head over!" assured Scarlett, patting Rhett on his head. He studied her warily and saw such merriment in her eyes.

"Very well" he acquiesced, unwillingly. "I'm going to give you some cash and you can buy yourself a whole new wardrobe for our England trip!"

"Why England?"

"Well, New Orleans is for aspiring ladies and not tomboys masquerading in ball gowns like you. No more dancing and no more pigging out on rich food, including champagne. We are going to England and I'm going to introduce you to certain people I know. Scarlett, did you know - In England, a woman has equal rights to trade as a man. You should see those women. You could really find a kindred spirit. They would appreciate your talents tremendously, darling. And they've got good business sense just like you. Maybe once you've learned a trick or two from them and garnered some well-deserved moral support, you could start a business once again. If it would make you happy."

"Oh, it _would_ make me happy, darling! Oh, I've been missing everything all these months, you have no idea-"

"I'll take you to the British cotton mills and show you what happens to Tara's cotton after you ship it out in bales. And I'm going to take you riding, shooting and sailing through the isles-"

"Shooting?"

"Yes. It's about time you saw what a good shot your husband was. We are going on a fox hunt!"

"Oh, we've had those here!"

"England has better grounds and faster foxes, my pet. They make a whole culture of it. And I'll show you how to shoot and shoot far as well. We'll go riding through the hills and exploring haunted castles-"

"Haunted castles!"

"Yes, I'll show you the kind of life I'd really love to lead. And by the look on your face, I think you'd already like it"

"Oh yes I would. Let's go to all those places and you can teach me how to play poker-"

Rhett laughed out loud at this. He pulled Scarlett back and kissed her once again. "I'll teach you how to play poker" he repeated, gravely and obediently. "And honey, I want you to buy perfumes and new linen for your nightclothes. And one of those nights, when you look especially happy and pretty, I shall sweep you into my arms and make violent love to you-"

"And you'll say pretty things? The kind of things you wrote in your letter?"

"Well, I promise I'll try my best. And I'll kiss you from head to toe."

"Head to toe?" mused Scarlett, her face turning pink with imagination. "That would be something to look forward to-" Her face twisted suddenly. "Oh,Rhett!"

"What is it?"

"I'm terribly hungry. I didn't have a bite to eat during supper-"

Rhett promptly set her down and walked off to the kitchen to fetch her something to eat.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Scarlett stood on the deck of the ship, her face concealed behind a white veil that was a part of her smart new bonnet. She had left Charleston port just an hour back and the ship was already in the open sea. She recalled the final picture of Rhett standing at the dock and waving her goodbye. He had promised to come to Atlanta! He had promised so many things. Scarlett's heart seemed to skip for joy. She could scarcely believe that she had won him back. But she had done it!. And Rhett was finally back.

Her brow furrowed. She now understood that although Rhett had promised to come back to her, he spoke his feelings only when he was absolutely sure that she wouldn't rebuff him. Scarlett bit her lip. This was exactly where Scarlett herself differed from Rhett. While she too found it difficult to speak her feelings, she had never sought for love and then blamed herself when her love failed. It was that way with Ashley. As much as she desired a life with Ashley, the startling revelation of the weakness of his character only helped in steeling herself and accepting that she had never loved him at all. She did not cry for Ashley. But Rhett was very different. He desired a life with Scarlett and seemed to persecute himself with his jealousy.

"He is a coward" realized Scarlett, as she strolled on the sun-lit deck, her head protected by a white lace parasol. She recalled the time when he proposed to her. The first two times when he kissed her, he said he wanted to make her faint and he nearly did. But when she told him that she didn't love him, he kissed her as if to hurt or humiliate her. "He must have envied that I was stronger than him" smiled Scarlett to herself. She was stronger than him. She knew that now.

"And that covert glance.. like a cat watching mouse hole" thought Scarlett. "That must have been because he was waiting for me to make the first move and declare that I loved him" Scarlett laughed softly. He had definitely given her the upper hand in their marriage because deep down he knew that she was stronger than him. But that was only because she had never been in touch with herself throughout her childhood. She had always been brutal when it came to her beaus. She was the one who tantalized them and allowed a kiss only when it pleased her to. No, she never ever blamed herself for anything. Perhaps this brazenness was the reason Ellen O Hara had spoken to her sternly about hellfire for one's sins. Perhaps her words had been to instill a fear in Scarlett for her soul.

Scarlett squared her shoulders. Well, she wasn't afraid for her soul anymore. Now that she had Rhett back, she knew she could make everything better. Starting with her own children. "I simply mustn't be so strictly practical all the time!" decided Scarlett, admonishing herself. "Wade is quite silly when it comes to books, picking stories that were too fantastic to be true. But I mustn't discourage him. And Ella.. I've got to do something about her. Perhaps necklaces and pretty frocks are not the things she really needs- Perhaps she needs to play with little girls of her own age instead of Beau and Wade."

Scarlett smiled to herself. And Rhett.. his shrewd caginess would rear its ugly head again. It would be a long time before he admits his feelings openly without encouragement from her side. She knew that. Perhaps he never will. Perhaps the last conversation of two hours would be the last time they'd ever speak from their hearts.

Whatever it was, she was happy and she looked forward to her new beginning with Rhett.

**~~~~THE END~~~~**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Dear readers, I decided to continue this under a new story. I hope you enjoyed it so far. I know I dragged everything a bit but I really do think that Rhett and Scarlett are made for each other. And as I said, she is definitely stronger than him. I realized this when I read the chapter in the book where he cries to Melanie and says that he's killed Scarlett. Scarlett herself would never get that much desperate or nerve-wracked :) Even when Rhett leaves her, she tries to look dignified. That says a lot about the difference of maturity in handling rejection. And Rhett would have come back because if he really wanted to leave her, he could have divorced her after the fiasco at Melly's reception. It's funny because he even leaves the choice of divorce to Scarlett. Heehee.. He leaves everything up to Scarlett actually. <strong>

**So, I think he would have come back to her eventually.**

**Scarlett's insensitivity is both a gift and a curse. It makes her stay unaffected by many things which should have rightfully broken a soft-hearted woman and she escapes many unhappy scenarios by sheer luck. Her marriage to Charles (he dies in two months), her marriage to Frank, her near-rape, the fall down the staircase and even Melly's reception. She endures everything because she is out of touch with herself. She never bursts into tears. And that's why she is the right person for Rhett. He would need someone like her to make him overcome his own demons. And she would need him for everything else.. more exposure to the good life, raising her children, moving in society and generally having fun.. :)**

**So, I'll continue all this in my new story.**

**Thanks for reading! :)**

**Cheers.**


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